Finals. Fiiiiinaalllssss. Fi. Nals. The dreaded word of every student. Quick question to the Harry Potter fans, in real life, which is scarier, the term 'Finals' or Voldemort? Which would you rather not be named?
With Finals Week comes all the stress that can give you ulcers and drives you to pull all-nighters trying to study those last few things so that you'll get a passing grade for a class you've either done fantastic in, or you're totally failing in.
If you can just get that last final done, you're home free for Christmas break. You can chill, sleep in, relax, and not think about school until the day before break ends. Hopefully you don't have homework over break.
But you're not done with Finals yet, so no celebrating yet.
With the stress also comes the depression, the anxiety, the panic attacks. You start having thoughts of, "I'm not good enough," "I'm gonna fail no matter how hard I try," "I should just give up now," "My parents are gonna shoot me if I come home with a failing grade," "What's the point of this anyway?"
If you're like me, that kind of thought trail leads to a pretty messed up place. You're beyond tired now, you're exhausted. You're emotionally and physically drained, you have zero motivation to do anything anymore, and you just want to give up on life and take a hiatus for, well, ever. The future's pointless to look at because you're so bogged down in right now, you don't know how you'll survive, or if you're even worth it if you survive.
This is me, keeping it very real. This is the thought process I go through when I'm stressed out and barely holding it together. So, like, basically the place I've been returning to these past few weeks.
I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people, and I've met some of the most amazing people on the face of the planet. Compared to them, I'm a candle, and they're everlasting supernovas. This candle's melting. The wax keeps dripping down, 'til, eventually, it's gonna run out, and the fire of the candle dies.
What do I even do for anyone? I'm selfish, an attention-seeker, a hypocrite, an introverted extrovert, I wanna punch some people in the face all the time, I get down on myself very easily because I'm too emotional, and the list goes on and on. I know I have a purpose and a destiny, but what's the point since I'm probably just gonna mess it all up anyways?
The point is, the people that I'll meet one day, the people that I already know, they rely on me, so I gotta keep going for them. They deserve a chance to make it.
But I don't want them believing a lie about me, that I've got it all figured out and I'm totally together. 'Cause I am totally not. I gotta figure this out, figure myself out.
So where's the balance? If I get so focused on trying to make it for other people, I'm still gonna get worn down and torn apart. It's a spiral down, either way. Focus too much on me, I'm messed up. Focus too much on other people, still get messed up. Gah.
The thing I realized is, first off, going to bed and sleeping off the bad day helps to reframe everything. When you're body's more rested, your mind's more rested, and you can look at things a bit more objectively. Secondly, I'm getting my degree so I can help other people, and the things I'm going through now, the stress and the pain and the mess, is so that I can learn to lean on Jesus more, rather than relying on myself. Ultimately, it's for His glory, it's because of His mercy and love that I can live and hope and try. The fire that I walk through, the crushing process that I'm in, is to purify and expunge the mess outta me so that I don't show off myself, but so I can reflect Him. A testimony is a powerful thing, and Revelation says that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony. I got the blood applied to my life, and when this test's over, I'm gonna have a testimony about how I thought I wouldn't make it, but God saw me through and I'm here today because of His goodness.
Thirdly, it is okay. Being stressed out, having a heart that's hurting for no reason, is okay. Pain means you're still alive. Pain means you're growing. Pain means you're trying. Frustration means you're trying. Failing means you tried, and if there's still breath in your body, it means you can try again. It means you made a mistake, you got some experience, and you can adapt, refine your strategy, and go after that boss monster again. You keep trying 'til you've defeated that test. You keep trying 'til you've killed that thing. You've got another chance from God, go try again.
Fourth, when you've hit a dead end, you feel like the walls are closing in around you and you have nowhere to go, cover your face with your hands and pray. Open up your Bible and read it, absorb that Word like your life depends on it. You've got a God who loves you and never leaves you. God is always listening. He's a very present help in trouble. He's a strong tower that you can run into and be safe. He's a provider, a protector, a healer, a deliverer, a saviour. He's there when no one else is, and if you're listening, He'll speak to you. He's a comforter, a counselor, the everlasting father, the mighty God, the Prince of Peace.
By the way, that word 'prince' doesn't mean like, 'prince' as in 'son of a king', it means 'ruler', 'captain', 'chief', 'lord', 'governor', 'principal', 'keeper', 'general'. You have chaos, He has peace. He will give you peace in your mind, spirit, body, if you go to Him. You're His child, of course He'll give you His peace.
To all of those who've finished their finals, yaaayyy go you!!! :) To all those who haven't yet, God bless you, I'm praying for ya, gan'batte!!! You're gonna do great. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Go knock 'em dead.
God bless you guys. Love ya. :) <3
--Sonya :) <3
Friday, December 16, 2016
Saturday, December 10, 2016
The Real Reason for the Season
It's December. There is snow on the ground. It's pretty cold outside.
Yaaayyyyy. :D
Anyways. Who all's doing finals? It seems like everyone's freaking out about finals, staying up late studying for 'em, drinking more coffee, praying extra hard, not that they get an A in this class but that they pass it, stuff like that.
My finals are different from your finals, but I get the stress. I have two more courses to finish before I'm done with this semester, and I'm starting one of them next Monday. I'm gonna finish the other one next Wednesday, and then hopefully finish everything before Christmas break. *cue my own all-nighter*
So here's my question. Why is Christmastime always so stinkin' stressful? I always thought it was a time to have fun, be 'at peace' you know? That whole peace on Earth, goodwill to all men thing. All the lights, the glitz, the glamor, the Christmas plays, special music, trees, decorations, presents, it's all nice, but it's not about that. Christmas is about how the God who created everything came down to His creation in created form so that one day He could die for us. You can't talk about Christmas without mentioning the reason Christ came.
Mary probably did know. She was Jewish, she knew the prophecies of the Messiah. She probably knew that He'd one day die on a cross. But for a few short years, Jesus the Messiah was a baby, her baby.
I'm not dissing the decorations, the trees and all that wonderful stuff, I like getting presents and I like giving presents. I like looking at all the lights and the special music's pretty awesome. Christmas plays are epic too, I mean, my pastor's wife can't do a mediocre play, she always makes it spectacular.
All I'm saying is, instead of getting stressed out about the little details, think about why Jesus came. Think about the reason for the season. Think about why we hang up lights and decorate a tree and practice special music for a special service and memorize scripts and direct Christmas plays.
You are the reason He came. You were once lost, dead, dying, hurt, without hope. But now, you have a hope. You've been found. You died, and God gave you life. You were hurt, and He healed you. And even on your worst days, you still have an unreasonably strong hope that it's gonna get better, 'cause your hope's not found in the temporary things of this world, it's found in an everlasting God who loved you enough to pay the price and make a way for you to come to Him.
Love you guys. Merry Christmas! :)
--Sonya :) <3
Yaaayyyyy. :D
Anyways. Who all's doing finals? It seems like everyone's freaking out about finals, staying up late studying for 'em, drinking more coffee, praying extra hard, not that they get an A in this class but that they pass it, stuff like that.
My finals are different from your finals, but I get the stress. I have two more courses to finish before I'm done with this semester, and I'm starting one of them next Monday. I'm gonna finish the other one next Wednesday, and then hopefully finish everything before Christmas break. *cue my own all-nighter*
So here's my question. Why is Christmastime always so stinkin' stressful? I always thought it was a time to have fun, be 'at peace' you know? That whole peace on Earth, goodwill to all men thing. All the lights, the glitz, the glamor, the Christmas plays, special music, trees, decorations, presents, it's all nice, but it's not about that. Christmas is about how the God who created everything came down to His creation in created form so that one day He could die for us. You can't talk about Christmas without mentioning the reason Christ came.
Mary probably did know. She was Jewish, she knew the prophecies of the Messiah. She probably knew that He'd one day die on a cross. But for a few short years, Jesus the Messiah was a baby, her baby.
I'm not dissing the decorations, the trees and all that wonderful stuff, I like getting presents and I like giving presents. I like looking at all the lights and the special music's pretty awesome. Christmas plays are epic too, I mean, my pastor's wife can't do a mediocre play, she always makes it spectacular.
All I'm saying is, instead of getting stressed out about the little details, think about why Jesus came. Think about the reason for the season. Think about why we hang up lights and decorate a tree and practice special music for a special service and memorize scripts and direct Christmas plays.
You are the reason He came. You were once lost, dead, dying, hurt, without hope. But now, you have a hope. You've been found. You died, and God gave you life. You were hurt, and He healed you. And even on your worst days, you still have an unreasonably strong hope that it's gonna get better, 'cause your hope's not found in the temporary things of this world, it's found in an everlasting God who loved you enough to pay the price and make a way for you to come to Him.
Love you guys. Merry Christmas! :)
--Sonya :) <3
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
In Light of the Election Results...
Sooo, guys. Trump's gonna be our next president. I'm gonna be honest, I voted for him, and watching the polls last night was more intense than watching the Cub's score.
So, here's to all the people who said Trump supporters are deplorable. Racist. Bigots. Hateful. Trash. Homophobes. A buncha other different names that I won't repeat because I'm homeschooled and I don't cuss haha.
First off, I forgive you for calling people like me those names. People get pretty hyped up during Election Season, campaigning for their favorite presidential nominee, trying to convert people to their side. I applaud those of you who did their research on both candidates. I understand that Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice is a touchy subject. My stance is Pro-Life, just because I believe that each body inhabits has a soul inhabiting it, and that soul could literally change the world. The amount of potential in an unborn 'clump of cells,' shall we say, is astounding. I was once a clump of cells. You were once a clump of cells. Your best friend was once a clump of cells. Now think of your life without those people who make it worth living. The worlds that would crumble if that 'clump of cells' hadn't been there to hold it together, to keep you upright. I feel like it's a crime to take away that kind of potential.
Now, yes, we definitely need to worry about what happens to those babies once they're out of the womb, who's gonna take care of 'em, the cost of living and education and all that jazz. That's a pretty pressing issue. But if you have been blessed with carrying a tiny little soul in your womb, whether through horrible circumstances or an accident, you have the greatest responsibility of nurturing that soul to change the world and make it a better place. Nothing worth having is ever easy. You haven't been cursed with motherhood, you've been blessed with the potential to invest in the future.
You have a choice. Whether it's legal or not, you do have a choice. What're you gonna do with that?
Anyways. That's my two cents. I love you guys. If you voted for Trump, woohoo our candidate won! If you voted for Hillary or third-party, then get over your loss and let's bind together in unity to make this country great. A house divided against itself cannot stand, but if we stand together, nothing will be able to knock us over.
And for those Anti-Trump people who are saying you can't be a Christian to have voted for Trump because he's so far from being a Christian because he's crass and degrades women and this and that... Was King Nebuchadnezzar a Christian? Was Darius a Christian? Was Xerxes? Was Caesar? Nebuchadnezzar built a statue of himself and ordered everyone to worship it, and threw three Hebrew guys into a fiery furnace when they refused to do it. Darius got big-headed, signed a law that said no one could worship anyone but him for, like, a month, and threw Daniel in the lion's den for breaking that law. Xerxes was devoted to pleasure, got drunk and ordered his queen to do something extremely degrading for a woman of her standing in front of his friends, she got banished, and then he had a beauty contest to choose his next queen. Under Caesar's rule, Jesus was crucified. But you know what? God used all of these different, messed up rulers to accomplish His will. Those three Hebrew boys were thrown into the fire, and they walked out unscathed. Daniel came out of that lion's den unharmed. Esther saved her people. Jesus, well, He rose from the grave and here we are today.
So instead of freaking out about how Trump's not a Christian and all that, why don't you get down on your knees and pray that he's a good president?
You say he won't follow God's voice. So let me ask you this. Why do you pray for your lost family members? Your lost friends? Your wayward children? Your coworkers? That country you feel called to go minister to as a missionary? Your neighbors? People who're lost and without hope? Why should they listen to God's voice? Why should they choose to let God in? Why would they?
'Cause you trust and believe that God has a purpose and a plan for them and that He wants them to come to know Him and spend eternity in Heaven with Him. So why not believe the same for Trump?
To be honest, I'd be saying the same thing about Hillary Clinton if she'd won. Get down on your knees and pray for these people. God's got this. And if you get in tune with what He wants, you'll start to see the bigger picture, and your fears for the future of this world and our country will disappear.
Peace out, guys. Love ya. :)
--Sonya :) <3
So, here's to all the people who said Trump supporters are deplorable. Racist. Bigots. Hateful. Trash. Homophobes. A buncha other different names that I won't repeat because I'm homeschooled and I don't cuss haha.
First off, I forgive you for calling people like me those names. People get pretty hyped up during Election Season, campaigning for their favorite presidential nominee, trying to convert people to their side. I applaud those of you who did their research on both candidates. I understand that Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice is a touchy subject. My stance is Pro-Life, just because I believe that each body inhabits has a soul inhabiting it, and that soul could literally change the world. The amount of potential in an unborn 'clump of cells,' shall we say, is astounding. I was once a clump of cells. You were once a clump of cells. Your best friend was once a clump of cells. Now think of your life without those people who make it worth living. The worlds that would crumble if that 'clump of cells' hadn't been there to hold it together, to keep you upright. I feel like it's a crime to take away that kind of potential.
Now, yes, we definitely need to worry about what happens to those babies once they're out of the womb, who's gonna take care of 'em, the cost of living and education and all that jazz. That's a pretty pressing issue. But if you have been blessed with carrying a tiny little soul in your womb, whether through horrible circumstances or an accident, you have the greatest responsibility of nurturing that soul to change the world and make it a better place. Nothing worth having is ever easy. You haven't been cursed with motherhood, you've been blessed with the potential to invest in the future.
You have a choice. Whether it's legal or not, you do have a choice. What're you gonna do with that?
Anyways. That's my two cents. I love you guys. If you voted for Trump, woohoo our candidate won! If you voted for Hillary or third-party, then get over your loss and let's bind together in unity to make this country great. A house divided against itself cannot stand, but if we stand together, nothing will be able to knock us over.
And for those Anti-Trump people who are saying you can't be a Christian to have voted for Trump because he's so far from being a Christian because he's crass and degrades women and this and that... Was King Nebuchadnezzar a Christian? Was Darius a Christian? Was Xerxes? Was Caesar? Nebuchadnezzar built a statue of himself and ordered everyone to worship it, and threw three Hebrew guys into a fiery furnace when they refused to do it. Darius got big-headed, signed a law that said no one could worship anyone but him for, like, a month, and threw Daniel in the lion's den for breaking that law. Xerxes was devoted to pleasure, got drunk and ordered his queen to do something extremely degrading for a woman of her standing in front of his friends, she got banished, and then he had a beauty contest to choose his next queen. Under Caesar's rule, Jesus was crucified. But you know what? God used all of these different, messed up rulers to accomplish His will. Those three Hebrew boys were thrown into the fire, and they walked out unscathed. Daniel came out of that lion's den unharmed. Esther saved her people. Jesus, well, He rose from the grave and here we are today.
So instead of freaking out about how Trump's not a Christian and all that, why don't you get down on your knees and pray that he's a good president?
You say he won't follow God's voice. So let me ask you this. Why do you pray for your lost family members? Your lost friends? Your wayward children? Your coworkers? That country you feel called to go minister to as a missionary? Your neighbors? People who're lost and without hope? Why should they listen to God's voice? Why should they choose to let God in? Why would they?
'Cause you trust and believe that God has a purpose and a plan for them and that He wants them to come to know Him and spend eternity in Heaven with Him. So why not believe the same for Trump?
To be honest, I'd be saying the same thing about Hillary Clinton if she'd won. Get down on your knees and pray for these people. God's got this. And if you get in tune with what He wants, you'll start to see the bigger picture, and your fears for the future of this world and our country will disappear.
Peace out, guys. Love ya. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Update on Life and College, Plus the Normal Musings
Sooo I recently took (and passed, btw) my American Lit CLEP. That's another 6 credits, bringing it into to a total of 84 credits! Which means I have 36 more to go. Which means I have 11 more courses to go 'til I'm done with my BA degree.
Soo YAY!!!
Anyways. I'm that weird homeschooled kid whose mom got her math books for the next school year about a month into summer break, and couldn't handle it so in the middle of summer break, I was doing my math for next year.
Yes. Call me crazy. Get it out of your system. We good now? Good.
So, since I'm done with this CLEP, the next course I'm taking (and this one's a legit course, with assignments and a time limit and exams and everything) doesn't let me start until tomorrow after 5pm. Since it's a Wednesday, we have to leave slightly after 5pm to pick up my dad to get to church on time.
So I basically have a full day to do nothing. And I'm antsy to start now because I feel like I'm finally on a roll haha. So I might end up breaking out the next 6-credit CLEP book I have and reading it just so I feel like I'm getting more work done.
I'm a bit of a lazy over-achiever. I really, really want to succeed, to do something great, to leave my mark on the world, but then again I really want to stay at home and sleep and watch anime and K-dramas and hang out with friends. So once I build momentum, I need to keep going or else it'll burn out pretty quickly.
After sitting and doing nothing for a while, I start to feel kind of useless, so I gotta get up and do something. I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. The end's in sight. So what do I do when there's a period of waiting between getting done with one thing and moving on to something else? 'Cause trust me, if you've never experienced it before, it's a kind of frustrating place to be in.
We all literally encounter these kinds of 'spaces' at multiple times in our lives, it's part of the transitioning and change that comes along with life. God puts us in these situations sometimes because we need a break, sometimes because we need to learn to be content in those times, and sometimes because we need to prepare and gear up for the next thing that we're about to do. It's like in a video game, you always grab the extra ammo, health pack, and save point right after you've killed one boss, and right before you're gonna tackle the next boss. If you don't, you lose your progress and have to repeat the whole thing again.
I'm probably going to take a nap, drink some coffee, read some books, make some action steps for the next few weeks, prep for the next few courses and get ready to kill it come tomorrow night after church. I am ready to kick it into beast mode. Riiiiight after I get some sleep, you know? :D
And you. You've accomplished some awesome stuff too. Whether you're about to, are already in, or are just cooling off your beast mode, think about how to make the most of that 'transitional' time where you got nothing going on. If you need a nap, go take that nap. If you need to prepare for the next thing, go prep. And, hey, if you're prepped and ready to tackle the beast, go tackle it! I believe in you. It's gonna be crazy, it's gonna be hard, but hey, you'll go forth and conquer. Keep being awesome, man. :)
God bless you guys! Love ya! :) <3
--Sonya :)
P.S. Sorry if this post was all over the place. The coffee started wearing off somewhere in the middle of writing all this, and I'm slowly sliding down into the depths of that time of night where the goofy comes out. Sooo yeah. Haha. Oyasumi, min'na-san! Ja ne. :)
Soo YAY!!!
Anyways. I'm that weird homeschooled kid whose mom got her math books for the next school year about a month into summer break, and couldn't handle it so in the middle of summer break, I was doing my math for next year.
Yes. Call me crazy. Get it out of your system. We good now? Good.
So, since I'm done with this CLEP, the next course I'm taking (and this one's a legit course, with assignments and a time limit and exams and everything) doesn't let me start until tomorrow after 5pm. Since it's a Wednesday, we have to leave slightly after 5pm to pick up my dad to get to church on time.
So I basically have a full day to do nothing. And I'm antsy to start now because I feel like I'm finally on a roll haha. So I might end up breaking out the next 6-credit CLEP book I have and reading it just so I feel like I'm getting more work done.
I'm a bit of a lazy over-achiever. I really, really want to succeed, to do something great, to leave my mark on the world, but then again I really want to stay at home and sleep and watch anime and K-dramas and hang out with friends. So once I build momentum, I need to keep going or else it'll burn out pretty quickly.
After sitting and doing nothing for a while, I start to feel kind of useless, so I gotta get up and do something. I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. The end's in sight. So what do I do when there's a period of waiting between getting done with one thing and moving on to something else? 'Cause trust me, if you've never experienced it before, it's a kind of frustrating place to be in.
We all literally encounter these kinds of 'spaces' at multiple times in our lives, it's part of the transitioning and change that comes along with life. God puts us in these situations sometimes because we need a break, sometimes because we need to learn to be content in those times, and sometimes because we need to prepare and gear up for the next thing that we're about to do. It's like in a video game, you always grab the extra ammo, health pack, and save point right after you've killed one boss, and right before you're gonna tackle the next boss. If you don't, you lose your progress and have to repeat the whole thing again.
I'm probably going to take a nap, drink some coffee, read some books, make some action steps for the next few weeks, prep for the next few courses and get ready to kill it come tomorrow night after church. I am ready to kick it into beast mode. Riiiiight after I get some sleep, you know? :D
And you. You've accomplished some awesome stuff too. Whether you're about to, are already in, or are just cooling off your beast mode, think about how to make the most of that 'transitional' time where you got nothing going on. If you need a nap, go take that nap. If you need to prepare for the next thing, go prep. And, hey, if you're prepped and ready to tackle the beast, go tackle it! I believe in you. It's gonna be crazy, it's gonna be hard, but hey, you'll go forth and conquer. Keep being awesome, man. :)
God bless you guys! Love ya! :) <3
--Sonya :)
P.S. Sorry if this post was all over the place. The coffee started wearing off somewhere in the middle of writing all this, and I'm slowly sliding down into the depths of that time of night where the goofy comes out. Sooo yeah. Haha. Oyasumi, min'na-san! Ja ne. :)
Friday, September 9, 2016
Random, Strung-Together Thoughts after a Failed Devo
I'm a very stream-of-consciousness kind of writer, kind of person. Sooo let's see how this goes.
That awkward moment when you have to do a devotion for your entire family, you had it all in your head, you go to do it, and those thoughts and scriptures that pierced ya to the heart at 2am two days ago all suddenly sound awkward and hollow and nonsensical and not connected AT ALL.
So, this is like, the second time in a row this kind of thing has happened. Here's some background: I was practicing to do a short mini-sermon for our youth group last Friday, and it was going good, I was feeling good about it, my dad gave me some pointers, and I felt sooo ready to tear it up that night...
And then I actually got up to give it and BAM everything I wanted to say basically packed up and left for the moon. The same thing basically happened again today when I was up for doing a family-devo (which we've just started doing since school started up again). I was ready, and BAM my notes made no sense and my mind forgot how to work.
Side note: I managed to get out basically what I wanted to say both times, but it did not go how I wanted it to go haha.
Also, I am surrounded by preachers. Literally, surrounded. My dad preaches, my mom preaches, my pastor and his wife preach and they live next door, my bro can throw down some awesome stuff (he tore up his day for family devo, btw), my sister knows how to put together a thought and say it clearly yet quietly, and the rest of 'em are just cute but can spit the Word like fire 'cause Bible Quizzing.
And then there's me. Ms. Stumbles-over-her-words. Ms. Has-a-thought-but-can't-speak-it-clearly-when-it's-time-to-give-it. Ms. Talks-in-circles. Ms. I-GOT-IT-haha-just-kidding. Ms. I'm-gonna-quote-a-verse-now-but-I'm-gonna-say-it-faster-than-any-rapper-'cause-I'm-a-Bible-Quizzer-and-didja-get-all-that? (-_-)
I feel called to preach. So why am I such a lousy preacher? Why am I such a lousy devo-giver? I'm surrounded by these amazing people, who have way better qualifications than I do, so why do I feel like God is calling me?
"Not by might, nor by power, but by MY Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts." (Zech. 4:6).
Oh, yeah. Because it's not my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, my experiences, or anything like that that 'qualifies' me. It's not so people can look at me and say, "Dude, she's a good preacher," or, "Dude, she is something else." It's not about me. It's about God. It's about letting God do His thing, and if He wants to use me, I gotta be willing.
So, here's to the kid who feels the call to preach, but everything they meant to say packs up and flies to Mars when they're handed the mic. Here's to the kid who feels the call to the missions field, but you're too shy to talk to your friends about God. Here's to the kid who wants to do something for God, but they're unsure where to start, or they feel held back.
Here's to the kids like me.
We're all in the same boat. Or at least, in the same fleet of boats, somewhere. We've all got questions. Doubts. Frustrations. But sometimes, God calls normal people like us to step outta the boat. Yeah, it takes a leap of faith, and yeah, there might be a storm going on around us. But dude. You can walk on water if He calls you out. Keep your eyes fixed on Him, and you won't sink.
Jesus called ordinary people to do extraordinary things, so that others could look at them and say, "The Lord is with them, He is doing these crazy things." I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that's basically what they said, you know?
So you're called to preach. You're not gonna be an amazing preacher all at once. Just keep trying, keep praying, and keep speaking as the Lord leads ya.
So you're called to missions. Take the first step and talk to one of your friends who's hurting about the One who died for them. Start teaching a Bible Study.
So you want to do something for God and His Church? Be faithful. Be helpful. Serve people. Figure out your social skills. Love people. Pray. Ask. If you feel held back, trust your leaders, because they really do see a bigger picture than you do. Be a Christian, develop who you are, and for the love of all things holy, pray and get in tune with God. He always puts ya where you need to be.
And for everyone else who don't feel like they don't fit into any of those categories: Just keep praying and getting closer to God. If you're one of those people who doesn't feel called to preach, be a missionary overseas, or feel held back or unsure what to do, then God bless you and just keep praying, supporting your leaders, and being a good Christian. If all you're doing is cooking a meal, hosting a Bible Study, raising your kids in church, tryna be a light where you're at, staying unified with your pastor and leadership, whatever, then man, you don't know how much of a blessing you are. If all you do is wash dishes or help clean the bathrooms, or both, then dude, you are a rock star in God's eyes (and probably your pastor's and his wife's eyes too, because if nobody else does it, then they're the ones who do it).
And when things do get frustrating, you fail, you go up to speak and your mouth forgets how to form words and your mind forgets how to think in complete sentences, you get nervous about sharing the Gospel with your friends, or whatever, just remember: Not by your might, not by your power, but by the LORD'S Spirit, says God. You can conquer the world if you have Jesus on your side.
Love you guys. And happy Friday! :D Have a great weekend! God bless!
--Sonya :) <3
That awkward moment when you have to do a devotion for your entire family, you had it all in your head, you go to do it, and those thoughts and scriptures that pierced ya to the heart at 2am two days ago all suddenly sound awkward and hollow and nonsensical and not connected AT ALL.
So, this is like, the second time in a row this kind of thing has happened. Here's some background: I was practicing to do a short mini-sermon for our youth group last Friday, and it was going good, I was feeling good about it, my dad gave me some pointers, and I felt sooo ready to tear it up that night...
And then I actually got up to give it and BAM everything I wanted to say basically packed up and left for the moon. The same thing basically happened again today when I was up for doing a family-devo (which we've just started doing since school started up again). I was ready, and BAM my notes made no sense and my mind forgot how to work.
Side note: I managed to get out basically what I wanted to say both times, but it did not go how I wanted it to go haha.
Also, I am surrounded by preachers. Literally, surrounded. My dad preaches, my mom preaches, my pastor and his wife preach and they live next door, my bro can throw down some awesome stuff (he tore up his day for family devo, btw), my sister knows how to put together a thought and say it clearly yet quietly, and the rest of 'em are just cute but can spit the Word like fire 'cause Bible Quizzing.
And then there's me. Ms. Stumbles-over-her-words. Ms. Has-a-thought-but-can't-speak-it-clearly-when-it's-time-to-give-it. Ms. Talks-in-circles. Ms. I-GOT-IT-haha-just-kidding. Ms. I'm-gonna-quote-a-verse-now-but-I'm-gonna-say-it-faster-than-any-rapper-'cause-I'm-a-Bible-Quizzer-and-didja-get-all-that? (-_-)
I feel called to preach. So why am I such a lousy preacher? Why am I such a lousy devo-giver? I'm surrounded by these amazing people, who have way better qualifications than I do, so why do I feel like God is calling me?
"Not by might, nor by power, but by MY Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts." (Zech. 4:6).
Oh, yeah. Because it's not my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, my experiences, or anything like that that 'qualifies' me. It's not so people can look at me and say, "Dude, she's a good preacher," or, "Dude, she is something else." It's not about me. It's about God. It's about letting God do His thing, and if He wants to use me, I gotta be willing.
So, here's to the kid who feels the call to preach, but everything they meant to say packs up and flies to Mars when they're handed the mic. Here's to the kid who feels the call to the missions field, but you're too shy to talk to your friends about God. Here's to the kid who wants to do something for God, but they're unsure where to start, or they feel held back.
Here's to the kids like me.
We're all in the same boat. Or at least, in the same fleet of boats, somewhere. We've all got questions. Doubts. Frustrations. But sometimes, God calls normal people like us to step outta the boat. Yeah, it takes a leap of faith, and yeah, there might be a storm going on around us. But dude. You can walk on water if He calls you out. Keep your eyes fixed on Him, and you won't sink.
Jesus called ordinary people to do extraordinary things, so that others could look at them and say, "The Lord is with them, He is doing these crazy things." I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that's basically what they said, you know?
So you're called to preach. You're not gonna be an amazing preacher all at once. Just keep trying, keep praying, and keep speaking as the Lord leads ya.
So you're called to missions. Take the first step and talk to one of your friends who's hurting about the One who died for them. Start teaching a Bible Study.
So you want to do something for God and His Church? Be faithful. Be helpful. Serve people. Figure out your social skills. Love people. Pray. Ask. If you feel held back, trust your leaders, because they really do see a bigger picture than you do. Be a Christian, develop who you are, and for the love of all things holy, pray and get in tune with God. He always puts ya where you need to be.
And for everyone else who don't feel like they don't fit into any of those categories: Just keep praying and getting closer to God. If you're one of those people who doesn't feel called to preach, be a missionary overseas, or feel held back or unsure what to do, then God bless you and just keep praying, supporting your leaders, and being a good Christian. If all you're doing is cooking a meal, hosting a Bible Study, raising your kids in church, tryna be a light where you're at, staying unified with your pastor and leadership, whatever, then man, you don't know how much of a blessing you are. If all you do is wash dishes or help clean the bathrooms, or both, then dude, you are a rock star in God's eyes (and probably your pastor's and his wife's eyes too, because if nobody else does it, then they're the ones who do it).
And when things do get frustrating, you fail, you go up to speak and your mouth forgets how to form words and your mind forgets how to think in complete sentences, you get nervous about sharing the Gospel with your friends, or whatever, just remember: Not by your might, not by your power, but by the LORD'S Spirit, says God. You can conquer the world if you have Jesus on your side.
Love you guys. And happy Friday! :D Have a great weekend! God bless!
--Sonya :) <3
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Get Over It (A Positive Spin)
So, the other night I was feeling kinda, you know, meh. A little bit on the not so great side of meh, really. And when that kind of thing happens, I'll either try to distract myself from it, which of course works so well until later, or I pray and read my Bible.
Okay, maybe it was a little bit more than just a little bit on the not so great side of meh.
I was kinda down. So, this time, I decided to pray and read my Bible. Well, I was praying, and not getting very much into it. Like, it was basically, "God, I feel messed up. I shouldn't really feel messed up, there are so many other people in the world who feel messed up that actually are, and here I am just being selfish and praying for myself, also there's my test and I'm just feeling so stressed out about it and I'm also supposed to be a leader and a role model and there're these people who're stressing me out and driving me insane and is it me or them and what can I do to help or should I just get outta the way am, I doing something wrong, please just HAAAALLLPPP" that kind of thing.
And I didn't really feel like I was getting anywhere. When I focus too much on myself, that tends to happen, and I end up feeling worse until I finally shut up and let God do some talking. So, I shut my mouth and opened up my Bible, and I saw the word 'Tiphsah'. The passage had something to do with Solomon and fighting and having peace from Tiphsah to some other place.
So, what does Tiphsah mean, anyways? I'm so glad you asked. I looked up the meaning 'cause, why not, and also, I like to understand what I'm reading and Hebrew names tend to have a specific meaning.
Tiphsah, according to Easton's Bible Dictionary via biblestudytools.com, means "passing over" or "ford," and the thought that hit me when I read that was, "God, are you really telling me to get over it?"
BTW, just so you know, I did pass that test I was freaking out about. So, hey, haha, God is good. :)
Anyways. Now, here's the funny thing about a 'ford.' It's literally a shallow place to cross over a river or stream.
You literally 'get over it'.
So, when someone tells you to get over it, we take it as a sarcastic comment. They don't get the pain we're going through. There is so much pressure around us, and they're just treating it like it's nothing and that we're being immature.
Truth is, we do need to get over it. The pain someone caused you? The pressure that's all around you? The depression you're going through? The loneliness and heartache? Think of all of those things that you need to get over. Now, think of them like a river that you have to cross. Or, better yet, a sea.
Sidenote: Did you know there are land bridges from Alaska to Russia? There used to be, anyway. Anyways.
The water's rushing over that path that you gotta take to get to the other side. It's slippery. It's wet. You might fall. Just sitting on your side of the river seems like the best choice, even though you know that, on the other side of the river, there's something so much greater for you.
The Children of Israel had to cross the Red Sea to be free from the Egyptians. There wasn't a way, but God made a way, and they took it. They also had to cross the Jordan River to get to the Promised Land, and God made a way, and they took that land.
There's a promise on the other side of your river. There's freedom on the other side of that sea. Are you willing to cross it? Are you willing to get over it?
'Cause, man, once you do, it's gonna be pretty stinkin' awesome. Oh, the battles you'll fight, the giants you'll slay, the promises you'll claim. All it takes is trusting in God, as you take one step, and then another, and then another, until you've finally made it to the other side.
So, my friend. Take this well-meaning, tryna-help piece of advice: Get over it. I believe in you. If there's one person who can do it, it's you. Cross that river. Cross that sea. What's waiting for you on the other side is better than anything you could dream of. And when there doesn't seem to be a way through that river or ocean, God will make a way. Trust me, He will make a way, just for you. :)
Love you guys. God bless! :)
--Sonya :) <3
Okay, maybe it was a little bit more than just a little bit on the not so great side of meh.
I was kinda down. So, this time, I decided to pray and read my Bible. Well, I was praying, and not getting very much into it. Like, it was basically, "God, I feel messed up. I shouldn't really feel messed up, there are so many other people in the world who feel messed up that actually are, and here I am just being selfish and praying for myself, also there's my test and I'm just feeling so stressed out about it and I'm also supposed to be a leader and a role model and there're these people who're stressing me out and driving me insane and is it me or them and what can I do to help or should I just get outta the way am, I doing something wrong, please just HAAAALLLPPP" that kind of thing.
And I didn't really feel like I was getting anywhere. When I focus too much on myself, that tends to happen, and I end up feeling worse until I finally shut up and let God do some talking. So, I shut my mouth and opened up my Bible, and I saw the word 'Tiphsah'. The passage had something to do with Solomon and fighting and having peace from Tiphsah to some other place.
So, what does Tiphsah mean, anyways? I'm so glad you asked. I looked up the meaning 'cause, why not, and also, I like to understand what I'm reading and Hebrew names tend to have a specific meaning.
Tiphsah, according to Easton's Bible Dictionary via biblestudytools.com, means "passing over" or "ford," and the thought that hit me when I read that was, "God, are you really telling me to get over it?"
BTW, just so you know, I did pass that test I was freaking out about. So, hey, haha, God is good. :)
Anyways. Now, here's the funny thing about a 'ford.' It's literally a shallow place to cross over a river or stream.
You literally 'get over it'.
So, when someone tells you to get over it, we take it as a sarcastic comment. They don't get the pain we're going through. There is so much pressure around us, and they're just treating it like it's nothing and that we're being immature.
Truth is, we do need to get over it. The pain someone caused you? The pressure that's all around you? The depression you're going through? The loneliness and heartache? Think of all of those things that you need to get over. Now, think of them like a river that you have to cross. Or, better yet, a sea.
Sidenote: Did you know there are land bridges from Alaska to Russia? There used to be, anyway. Anyways.
The water's rushing over that path that you gotta take to get to the other side. It's slippery. It's wet. You might fall. Just sitting on your side of the river seems like the best choice, even though you know that, on the other side of the river, there's something so much greater for you.
The Children of Israel had to cross the Red Sea to be free from the Egyptians. There wasn't a way, but God made a way, and they took it. They also had to cross the Jordan River to get to the Promised Land, and God made a way, and they took that land.
There's a promise on the other side of your river. There's freedom on the other side of that sea. Are you willing to cross it? Are you willing to get over it?
'Cause, man, once you do, it's gonna be pretty stinkin' awesome. Oh, the battles you'll fight, the giants you'll slay, the promises you'll claim. All it takes is trusting in God, as you take one step, and then another, and then another, until you've finally made it to the other side.
So, my friend. Take this well-meaning, tryna-help piece of advice: Get over it. I believe in you. If there's one person who can do it, it's you. Cross that river. Cross that sea. What's waiting for you on the other side is better than anything you could dream of. And when there doesn't seem to be a way through that river or ocean, God will make a way. Trust me, He will make a way, just for you. :)
Love you guys. God bless! :)
--Sonya :) <3
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
More Thoughts of a Stressed Out, Procrastinating College Student
Soo I'm back. From Florida. Yuuppp. Back to real life, haha.
The waves, the baby sea turtles, the hanging out with family, the walking out of my room to find three extra kids in the living room almost every single day, man. We had a great time, I got a little bit of a tan, and we made some great memories.
I gotta admit, it was one tiring trip, too, but it was a nice break from reality in a way.
And now I'm back, I got tests to study for, decisions to make about which courses and tests to take (or drop, haha), not to mention church and singing and practicing and stuff like that.
Stressed? Yeah, I've learned to live with it. I know, I know, that's 'not a good thing to live with, I need to give it to God and let Him deal with my stress and just live very chill and not let anything get to me 'cause I gotta live by walking in His Spirit.'
All that jazz.
I get that I need to just 'give it to God'. But unfortunately, I'm not some kind of robot that takes orders without any thought. God gave me a brain, a life, and free will, so it's up to me what I do with it.
I've sorta had to learn the hard way that I can't be all things to all people. I can't be who you need me to be all the time. I can't be there all the time. There are some people that obviously I'll drop everything and run to help when they're in crisis, but there are others that I just can't.
You know why? Because they should know better by now. That, and it's not always appropriate. Like, I'm all for counseling/listening to a girl going through depression or just having a hard time in life, but if some guy says, "Hey I look up to you as a leader, therefore you should do X, Y, and Z," first off, that's just plain rude. Second, it's not your place. Third, is that even realistic? I've had it pretty great, good family, good church, good people to be around, but I know what it feels like to be used and manipulated and lied about. It hurts, man. Some people know why they got stabbed in the back, they can name every scar they've gotten and why it's there, I still have questions. To put it metaphysically, I look into myself, see scars and wounds and wonder why they got put there. I go through the whole, "Obviously I'm just a bad person who deserved it somehow, it's probably 'cause of that one day I just couldn't keep my mouth shut and flew off the handle, and so I'm being punished for it," or something stupid like that.
Truth is, it's not. I think God allows some things to happen that we don't understand, not because we deserve it, but because He knows we need to go through this refining process. He certainly didn't deserve the things that people did to Him, and He certainly didn't deserve the cross. So, in becoming like Christ, we go through things so that we can show people just how much God loves them, and loves us.
See, strength isn't about not breaking down. It's not about being able to carry the most. It's not about always having it together. It's not about repaying someone a hundredfold for hurting you.
Strength is about being broken, and continuing on. It's about getting stabbed, and coming back later to forgive that person who stabbed you. It's about being able to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing and tryna get you to do it too.
I wouldn't say I'm a strong person. I break down pretty easily, I can be incredibly insecure, and I definitely don't have it all together. Just ask my best friends.
But because I know I'm not strong, I rely on Someone else to be my strength. I don't understand, but He does. I don't get it, but He does. I can't see, but He can. So, when I'm stabbed, when people turn on me, when I'm left alone, when I fall to pieces, I continue to live because I trust in a Higher Power that can repair the most broken of souls, purify the most corrupted of spirits, heal the sickest of bodies, and sees the beginning to the end.
He won't start something He's not gonna complete. You can believe that 'til the end.
So, 'giving it all to God' isn't just not worrying or thinking about your problems. You gotta deal with 'em, and you're gonna feel all stressed out. But you don't gotta do it by yourself. God'll talk to you about what to do, He'll lead you, sometimes He'll even take control and have you wondering how in the world you were able to deal with that crisis without freaking out. His hand's on your life. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be here.
Sooo to all of you going back to school, college, etc., the people who're already stressed out and barely hanging on by a thread, just know that it's not the end, and God's got a plan through all the junk and mess that you're going through. If nothing else, hang on to that.
Love you guys. God bless ya. :)
--Sonya <3
The waves, the baby sea turtles, the hanging out with family, the walking out of my room to find three extra kids in the living room almost every single day, man. We had a great time, I got a little bit of a tan, and we made some great memories.
I gotta admit, it was one tiring trip, too, but it was a nice break from reality in a way.
And now I'm back, I got tests to study for, decisions to make about which courses and tests to take (or drop, haha), not to mention church and singing and practicing and stuff like that.
Stressed? Yeah, I've learned to live with it. I know, I know, that's 'not a good thing to live with, I need to give it to God and let Him deal with my stress and just live very chill and not let anything get to me 'cause I gotta live by walking in His Spirit.'
All that jazz.
I get that I need to just 'give it to God'. But unfortunately, I'm not some kind of robot that takes orders without any thought. God gave me a brain, a life, and free will, so it's up to me what I do with it.
I've sorta had to learn the hard way that I can't be all things to all people. I can't be who you need me to be all the time. I can't be there all the time. There are some people that obviously I'll drop everything and run to help when they're in crisis, but there are others that I just can't.
You know why? Because they should know better by now. That, and it's not always appropriate. Like, I'm all for counseling/listening to a girl going through depression or just having a hard time in life, but if some guy says, "Hey I look up to you as a leader, therefore you should do X, Y, and Z," first off, that's just plain rude. Second, it's not your place. Third, is that even realistic? I've had it pretty great, good family, good church, good people to be around, but I know what it feels like to be used and manipulated and lied about. It hurts, man. Some people know why they got stabbed in the back, they can name every scar they've gotten and why it's there, I still have questions. To put it metaphysically, I look into myself, see scars and wounds and wonder why they got put there. I go through the whole, "Obviously I'm just a bad person who deserved it somehow, it's probably 'cause of that one day I just couldn't keep my mouth shut and flew off the handle, and so I'm being punished for it," or something stupid like that.
Truth is, it's not. I think God allows some things to happen that we don't understand, not because we deserve it, but because He knows we need to go through this refining process. He certainly didn't deserve the things that people did to Him, and He certainly didn't deserve the cross. So, in becoming like Christ, we go through things so that we can show people just how much God loves them, and loves us.
See, strength isn't about not breaking down. It's not about being able to carry the most. It's not about always having it together. It's not about repaying someone a hundredfold for hurting you.
Strength is about being broken, and continuing on. It's about getting stabbed, and coming back later to forgive that person who stabbed you. It's about being able to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing and tryna get you to do it too.
I wouldn't say I'm a strong person. I break down pretty easily, I can be incredibly insecure, and I definitely don't have it all together. Just ask my best friends.
But because I know I'm not strong, I rely on Someone else to be my strength. I don't understand, but He does. I don't get it, but He does. I can't see, but He can. So, when I'm stabbed, when people turn on me, when I'm left alone, when I fall to pieces, I continue to live because I trust in a Higher Power that can repair the most broken of souls, purify the most corrupted of spirits, heal the sickest of bodies, and sees the beginning to the end.
He won't start something He's not gonna complete. You can believe that 'til the end.
So, 'giving it all to God' isn't just not worrying or thinking about your problems. You gotta deal with 'em, and you're gonna feel all stressed out. But you don't gotta do it by yourself. God'll talk to you about what to do, He'll lead you, sometimes He'll even take control and have you wondering how in the world you were able to deal with that crisis without freaking out. His hand's on your life. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be here.
Sooo to all of you going back to school, college, etc., the people who're already stressed out and barely hanging on by a thread, just know that it's not the end, and God's got a plan through all the junk and mess that you're going through. If nothing else, hang on to that.
Love you guys. God bless ya. :)
--Sonya <3
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Update on Life #Idon'tevenknowwhatnumberanymorehaha
Here's an update on my life, for those who care: took a few weeks off of studying for college to focus on Bible Quizzing 'cause our coach totally cracked down on us and we basically entered a two-week pre-NABQT'16 boot camp. We tied 17th outta 54 teams, guys. So, basically we won 2 quizzes, lost the next 2, but ultimately did the best we could and that's all that matters. And on a high note, I answered the very last question of my very last quiz, and I got it correct, AND I outscored my genius-quizzer brother, AND I got a silver medal for the amount of points I scored.
Then, the Tuesday of NABQT'16 they had their annual Prayer and Share, which is basically where all the last-year quizzers get up and talk about what Bible Quizzing means to them and we thank more people than Paul did in Romans 16 (you think I'm kidding, I assure you, I'm not).
Long story short: lotsa tears, lotsa awesome testimonies, one guy got a standing ovation for his testimony 'cause MAN God's word is powerful and is a way out of the darkness that surrounds us, I did a Bible Quizzing parody of the Pokémon Season 1 theme song and totally forgot to thank everyone in my speech (sorry Mom, sorry Coach, sorry everyone else, I really do appreciate you all for everything you've done for me through Bible Quizzing the past 5 years and beyond), it was awesome.
A lot of the last-years are high school graduates, about to be high school graduates, or already in college, so they've gone through some kind of graduation ceremony, I think. I've really never had any kind of graduation ceremony (and graduation from one Suzuki Violin book to the next doesn't count in my book). So, to be entirely honest, that night, I realized that wow, this is my graduation ceremony, and now I feel slightly aimless.
Bible Quizzing was, in all honesty, something I loved. I still love it, and you better believe I'm gonna help coach next quiz season. But it's kinda weird knowing I'm not gonna be memorizing 25+ verses each week, spending countless hours tryna make sure I got those verses down, quoting myself (or totally not quoting myself and putting it off until the week of the next tournament), and just doing the things you do as a quizzer. It's like, dude, one chapter of my life ended, this next one's beginning, and I don't know the name of the chapter or the theme, or how many chapters I have left.
It kinda freaks me out. Like, do I finish college and jump headfirst into ministry somewhere else, or do I test the waters out, go to Bible College, stay here and just try to hold down a job and save up money and eventually move out and stuff or what?
So many people have so many different answers. My best friend wants me to go to bible school with her down in St. Louis, another guy said I should go to this other Bible college in St. Paul, MN, one of my friends said I should just go to Bible college just so I get out of the nest and learn how to live on my own, I got people telling me I need to get a job and save up and move out next, I know I need to finish my BA, people want me to stay, people want me to go, and in the middle of all this, I'm just wondering, okay, what do I want and what does God want?
Two questions I need to keep thinking about. Obvs, some definite praying and fasting about these things specifically is gonna be happening in the near future. Time keeps moving forward, people keep moving forward, and I feel like I have three options: run for it, get swept up by it, or get left behind. Getting left behind is one of my biggest fears. Getting swept up by it is something that happens to me on a regular basis. Running for it... well, I stumble, fall flat on my face, panic 'cause I feel like I'm getting left behind, and then get swept up by it again.
Right now, though, I kind of feel like I'm a bystander. Watching everything happening, knowing I could probably do something to change something, not knowing what that something is, so I just keep watching, waiting.
I don't know. Sorry if I sound like a downer right now. It's a tangled mess in my mind. If any of you guys and girls got any insight, or ideas, or thoughts, or anything at all, feel free to comment. I'm tired, haha. Not sure if I'm just physically tired, or mentally tired, or spiritually tired, or a weird combo of all three. Anyways. There's the update on my life.
God bless you guys. Have a happy rest of your summer! Love ya! :) <3
--Sonya
P.S. Since I'm no longer a high school student, and haven't been for quite some time, I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog. Suggestions very welcome.
P.S. 2. I feel like I should mention that I started a wattpad. Name's Mysalia_Tor. I'll add a link to it later, or you can just search me up in the wattpad search box haha. If you'd like to see the random stuff I've been writing, you're free to look it up, comment suggestions, whatever you like. :)
Then, the Tuesday of NABQT'16 they had their annual Prayer and Share, which is basically where all the last-year quizzers get up and talk about what Bible Quizzing means to them and we thank more people than Paul did in Romans 16 (you think I'm kidding, I assure you, I'm not).
Long story short: lotsa tears, lotsa awesome testimonies, one guy got a standing ovation for his testimony 'cause MAN God's word is powerful and is a way out of the darkness that surrounds us, I did a Bible Quizzing parody of the Pokémon Season 1 theme song and totally forgot to thank everyone in my speech (sorry Mom, sorry Coach, sorry everyone else, I really do appreciate you all for everything you've done for me through Bible Quizzing the past 5 years and beyond), it was awesome.
A lot of the last-years are high school graduates, about to be high school graduates, or already in college, so they've gone through some kind of graduation ceremony, I think. I've really never had any kind of graduation ceremony (and graduation from one Suzuki Violin book to the next doesn't count in my book). So, to be entirely honest, that night, I realized that wow, this is my graduation ceremony, and now I feel slightly aimless.
Bible Quizzing was, in all honesty, something I loved. I still love it, and you better believe I'm gonna help coach next quiz season. But it's kinda weird knowing I'm not gonna be memorizing 25+ verses each week, spending countless hours tryna make sure I got those verses down, quoting myself (or totally not quoting myself and putting it off until the week of the next tournament), and just doing the things you do as a quizzer. It's like, dude, one chapter of my life ended, this next one's beginning, and I don't know the name of the chapter or the theme, or how many chapters I have left.
It kinda freaks me out. Like, do I finish college and jump headfirst into ministry somewhere else, or do I test the waters out, go to Bible College, stay here and just try to hold down a job and save up money and eventually move out and stuff or what?
So many people have so many different answers. My best friend wants me to go to bible school with her down in St. Louis, another guy said I should go to this other Bible college in St. Paul, MN, one of my friends said I should just go to Bible college just so I get out of the nest and learn how to live on my own, I got people telling me I need to get a job and save up and move out next, I know I need to finish my BA, people want me to stay, people want me to go, and in the middle of all this, I'm just wondering, okay, what do I want and what does God want?
Two questions I need to keep thinking about. Obvs, some definite praying and fasting about these things specifically is gonna be happening in the near future. Time keeps moving forward, people keep moving forward, and I feel like I have three options: run for it, get swept up by it, or get left behind. Getting left behind is one of my biggest fears. Getting swept up by it is something that happens to me on a regular basis. Running for it... well, I stumble, fall flat on my face, panic 'cause I feel like I'm getting left behind, and then get swept up by it again.
Right now, though, I kind of feel like I'm a bystander. Watching everything happening, knowing I could probably do something to change something, not knowing what that something is, so I just keep watching, waiting.
I don't know. Sorry if I sound like a downer right now. It's a tangled mess in my mind. If any of you guys and girls got any insight, or ideas, or thoughts, or anything at all, feel free to comment. I'm tired, haha. Not sure if I'm just physically tired, or mentally tired, or spiritually tired, or a weird combo of all three. Anyways. There's the update on my life.
God bless you guys. Have a happy rest of your summer! Love ya! :) <3
--Sonya
P.S. Since I'm no longer a high school student, and haven't been for quite some time, I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog. Suggestions very welcome.
P.S. 2. I feel like I should mention that I started a wattpad. Name's Mysalia_Tor. I'll add a link to it later, or you can just search me up in the wattpad search box haha. If you'd like to see the random stuff I've been writing, you're free to look it up, comment suggestions, whatever you like. :)
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Live With Regrets
Live with no regrets. That's some people's life motto, and a lot of people excuse to do really stupid things because hey, YOLO.
Live with no regrets? Please. You'll always regret something. Not being bold enough to stand up and correct someone. Not keeping your mouth shut. Not trying harder. Not doing what you should've done. Not doing what you feel like God told you to do that one time, so you missed your chance.
Look. It's impossible to live without regretting something. All you can do is pick yourself back up and keep trying. All you can do is just try harder and try to forgive yourself. Everyone's got regrets, even the people whose life motto is YOLO and 'live with no regrets.' In fact, I'd go so far to say that they especially have regrets, which is why they use those mottos.
"I'm not gonna live with any regrets anymore." Easier said than done, bub. There's always gonna be that split-second decision you gotta make, and you may just end up wondering, "What if I'd done something different?" later because you have time to rethink that split-second decision.
The point of this? Regret isn't a bad thing. Another word for it is 'experience.' Now you know in this particular situation what not to do, or what to do, and I can just about guarantee that you'll be able to use it later.
Living life to the fullest isn't a bad thing, to those of you who've made that your motto. It's just a bit vague. What does 'living life to the fullest' mean? Does it mean I should just randomly buy a longboard and go on a cross-country adventure? Buy an expensive trip to travel the world? Or maybe just study harder? Ask that person out? Move to another job, or state, or country?
I regret a lot of things. I regret not being more honest with people. I regret not studying harder and not studying the way I should've. I regret the time I've wasted on people who only wanted attention. I regret not practicing my guitar harder. I regret not keeping my mouth shut when I should've. I regret not saying some things that I should've. I regret not keeping in touch with some of my best friends who've become strangers. I regret not being more social. I regret letting stuff going on in my life impact the way I treat the people around me.
I'm gonna live with these regrets for the rest of my life. The memories and the pain that each of them hold will probably fade as I get older. I'll look back over my shoulder and boy am I gonna get hit with a ton of regret some days, and other days I'm gonna be glad that I did some of those things. I guess what I'm saying is, you can go ahead and try not to live with any regrets, live life to the fullest, whatever that means to you. You only live this life once. Do it with a sense that you know you're gonna make mistakes and it's okay. Taking life one step at a time isn't always bad. Taking it one bound at a time isn't bad either, just make sure you don't accidentally bound head-first into a tree, or over a cliff.
Could be another regret, but one day you'll look back at it and laugh, 'cause you took the time to learn from that experience. In games, once you get enough experience you level up. In life, you do the same thing, but only if you actually learn from what gave you that life experience.
So pick your head up, live with that regret, forgive yourself, forgive other people, and keep on going. If you keep walking, eventually you'll end up somewhere, and that may be the place where you've been trying to get to all along.
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your summer.
--Sonya <3
Live with no regrets? Please. You'll always regret something. Not being bold enough to stand up and correct someone. Not keeping your mouth shut. Not trying harder. Not doing what you should've done. Not doing what you feel like God told you to do that one time, so you missed your chance.
Look. It's impossible to live without regretting something. All you can do is pick yourself back up and keep trying. All you can do is just try harder and try to forgive yourself. Everyone's got regrets, even the people whose life motto is YOLO and 'live with no regrets.' In fact, I'd go so far to say that they especially have regrets, which is why they use those mottos.
"I'm not gonna live with any regrets anymore." Easier said than done, bub. There's always gonna be that split-second decision you gotta make, and you may just end up wondering, "What if I'd done something different?" later because you have time to rethink that split-second decision.
The point of this? Regret isn't a bad thing. Another word for it is 'experience.' Now you know in this particular situation what not to do, or what to do, and I can just about guarantee that you'll be able to use it later.
Living life to the fullest isn't a bad thing, to those of you who've made that your motto. It's just a bit vague. What does 'living life to the fullest' mean? Does it mean I should just randomly buy a longboard and go on a cross-country adventure? Buy an expensive trip to travel the world? Or maybe just study harder? Ask that person out? Move to another job, or state, or country?
I regret a lot of things. I regret not being more honest with people. I regret not studying harder and not studying the way I should've. I regret the time I've wasted on people who only wanted attention. I regret not practicing my guitar harder. I regret not keeping my mouth shut when I should've. I regret not saying some things that I should've. I regret not keeping in touch with some of my best friends who've become strangers. I regret not being more social. I regret letting stuff going on in my life impact the way I treat the people around me.
I'm gonna live with these regrets for the rest of my life. The memories and the pain that each of them hold will probably fade as I get older. I'll look back over my shoulder and boy am I gonna get hit with a ton of regret some days, and other days I'm gonna be glad that I did some of those things. I guess what I'm saying is, you can go ahead and try not to live with any regrets, live life to the fullest, whatever that means to you. You only live this life once. Do it with a sense that you know you're gonna make mistakes and it's okay. Taking life one step at a time isn't always bad. Taking it one bound at a time isn't bad either, just make sure you don't accidentally bound head-first into a tree, or over a cliff.
Could be another regret, but one day you'll look back at it and laugh, 'cause you took the time to learn from that experience. In games, once you get enough experience you level up. In life, you do the same thing, but only if you actually learn from what gave you that life experience.
So pick your head up, live with that regret, forgive yourself, forgive other people, and keep on going. If you keep walking, eventually you'll end up somewhere, and that may be the place where you've been trying to get to all along.
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your summer.
--Sonya <3
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Let's Keep It
So, lots of things have happened. Like, went to Illinois Senior High Camp last week, drove there and back by myself with my brother and sister. Oh yeah, and Sunday we had an incredibly awesome outreach at our church. We'll see how successful it actually was this coming Sunday, but we're all believing that God's gonna do something great in our communities.
To try to adequately describe what's happened to me in the last week would probably take way too long, so I'll try to summarize.
Here's one good summary: I didn't kill anyone when I got home from camp after maybe getting 5 hours of sleep a night, with the annoying routine of waking up once or twice every night 'cause let's face it, camp beds versus our normal beds, our beds usually win. I was exhausted, and I'm still working on recovering haha.
But dude. The power of God touched down at that campground like you would not believe. And it wasn't just an emotional experience either, although there were lots of tears shed and emotions being let out. Something happened at camp that kind of changed the way we think, or at least it changed how I think. And one prayer that keeps popping up in my head is, "God, please help us not to lose what we got at camp."
Yeah, camp's super fun. It's a time to chill out and go nuts, make new friends, get some people's numbers, get sunburnt and tanned, stay up late and laugh 'til your entire body hurts, pray and get in touch with God and get renewed and refreshed in His Spirit, recommit and get confirmation, all that awesome stuff. But it can't end there. You shouldn't just praise God like crazy at camp. You shouldn't just live for God at camp. You shouldn't just allow Him to move and work you over at camp. You gotta take that home with you. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is the same at your home church as He is at camp and convention and congress. And once you realize that and tap into that, you'll literally change the entire atmosphere around you. It'll spread to your church, to your family, to your friends, to your neighborhood, to your youth group, to wherever else you go.
This isn't just a one-week deal God wants with us. He wants an every single day thing. It's our job to live for Him, get in tune with Him, literally bind our wills to His in prayer and get closer to God because, guys, this world's a mess. There are a whole ton of broken people who have lost hope in anything and they're chasing something that'll fill that void inside, and man, you might be their only hope. We gotta open our mouths, quit being an 'in the closet Christian', and actually live out that camp commitment we made with God.
Yeah, we'll all stumble at some point. This road ain't easy. It ain't gonna be a bunch of sunshine and lollipops, but bro, when you see your neighbor or your best friend or your favorite teacher or your uncle or whoever else you been praying for step through that church building's doors, or even the Pearly Gates of Heaven, it'll make all of the things we had to endure worth it. You mess up? Repent, get back up, and keep walking the way you know you're s'posed to walk. You get messed up by someone you tryna witness to? Turn the other cheek, forgive, and keep walking. Keep praying, keep looking for someone to give hope to.
Just a sidenote: It's not your fault if they reject Jesus. If you really tried your best and did what God told you to do, then at the end of the day, it's their decision. If all you could do is plant a small seed, then just stand back and let God do the rest. He works on them, He makes the seed grow, He gives the increase, so it's not all on you. Do your best to say the truth in love, to love and pray for them 'til the day you die, and let God do the rest, friend.
Let's keep what we got at camp. Let's keep what we got at that convention. Let's keep what we got at that youth rally. And let's keep building this momentum until we see it turn into an unstoppable tsunami wave in the spirit.
I love you guys. Continue having a great, fantastic, and hopefully restful summer. :) <3
--Sonya :) <3
To try to adequately describe what's happened to me in the last week would probably take way too long, so I'll try to summarize.
Here's one good summary: I didn't kill anyone when I got home from camp after maybe getting 5 hours of sleep a night, with the annoying routine of waking up once or twice every night 'cause let's face it, camp beds versus our normal beds, our beds usually win. I was exhausted, and I'm still working on recovering haha.
But dude. The power of God touched down at that campground like you would not believe. And it wasn't just an emotional experience either, although there were lots of tears shed and emotions being let out. Something happened at camp that kind of changed the way we think, or at least it changed how I think. And one prayer that keeps popping up in my head is, "God, please help us not to lose what we got at camp."
Yeah, camp's super fun. It's a time to chill out and go nuts, make new friends, get some people's numbers, get sunburnt and tanned, stay up late and laugh 'til your entire body hurts, pray and get in touch with God and get renewed and refreshed in His Spirit, recommit and get confirmation, all that awesome stuff. But it can't end there. You shouldn't just praise God like crazy at camp. You shouldn't just live for God at camp. You shouldn't just allow Him to move and work you over at camp. You gotta take that home with you. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is the same at your home church as He is at camp and convention and congress. And once you realize that and tap into that, you'll literally change the entire atmosphere around you. It'll spread to your church, to your family, to your friends, to your neighborhood, to your youth group, to wherever else you go.
This isn't just a one-week deal God wants with us. He wants an every single day thing. It's our job to live for Him, get in tune with Him, literally bind our wills to His in prayer and get closer to God because, guys, this world's a mess. There are a whole ton of broken people who have lost hope in anything and they're chasing something that'll fill that void inside, and man, you might be their only hope. We gotta open our mouths, quit being an 'in the closet Christian', and actually live out that camp commitment we made with God.
Yeah, we'll all stumble at some point. This road ain't easy. It ain't gonna be a bunch of sunshine and lollipops, but bro, when you see your neighbor or your best friend or your favorite teacher or your uncle or whoever else you been praying for step through that church building's doors, or even the Pearly Gates of Heaven, it'll make all of the things we had to endure worth it. You mess up? Repent, get back up, and keep walking the way you know you're s'posed to walk. You get messed up by someone you tryna witness to? Turn the other cheek, forgive, and keep walking. Keep praying, keep looking for someone to give hope to.
Just a sidenote: It's not your fault if they reject Jesus. If you really tried your best and did what God told you to do, then at the end of the day, it's their decision. If all you could do is plant a small seed, then just stand back and let God do the rest. He works on them, He makes the seed grow, He gives the increase, so it's not all on you. Do your best to say the truth in love, to love and pray for them 'til the day you die, and let God do the rest, friend.
Let's keep what we got at camp. Let's keep what we got at that convention. Let's keep what we got at that youth rally. And let's keep building this momentum until we see it turn into an unstoppable tsunami wave in the spirit.
I love you guys. Continue having a great, fantastic, and hopefully restful summer. :) <3
--Sonya :) <3
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Speak Life, Speak Death
Let's get really real for a second.
At some point in your life, someone's words made you die a little inside. Whether it was embarrassing, chilling, or just plain painful to hear, those words made some part of you die.
Now, think about a time when someone told you something, and immediately, the deadness inside of you became alive again. Suddenly, you felt like you were living again. It's hard to explain exactly how that feels, but it is literally like you were dead, and you didn't think you could live again, and suddenly you could feel yourself being revived from the dead.
Like the song says, "Words can build you up, words can bring us down, start a fire in our hearts or put it out." That's why it's important to be careful about what you say. The words you say can speak life into someone, or death.
So 'speak life' is an obvious thing you can take away from this post. Yeah. Don't say something so hurtful to someone that they'd decide to take their own life. You're not responsible for other people's choices, but you are very responsible for your own, and you have an influence over people whether you know it or not.
But here's something else you need to think about when you're tryna 'speak life' into someone: Don't be so caught up in tryna speak life that you speak life to the wrong things. There are something things we should speak death to as well. Death to sin, death to hate, death to insecurity, death to pride, death to depression, death to anxiety, death to unhealthy living.
Don't enable people to do things that you and they know will kill them in the end.
That said, don't kill them with your words, ne? Find a balance. Sometimes you need to cut things open in order to drain the poison, sometimes you need to give some anesthesia before you do it. And sometimes, yes, all that you need to do is wipe the scrape off, put some Neosporin on it and slap a band-aid on that thing. Once you get more in tune with God, which means actually taking the time to get to know Him and building that relationship with Him through prayer, reading your bible, and fasting, you start to get more in tune with people. You start to see the needs, the wounds, and if you listen closely, you'll understand what needs to take place for the healing process to begin/continue.
Humans are not the enemy. Even if they hurt you, even if they call themselves your enemies, they aren't the real enemy. There's something behind their actions, be it pain, stress, demonic forces, or whatever. That's why you gotta pray for them. Bless the people who curse you, because you know God's got your back. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay," saith the Lord (end of Romans 12:19). If you've read the Old Testament, you know that God's wrath is scary to be on the receiving end of. And if you're close to God, you really don't want anyone to be on that receiving end, no matter how badly they hurt you. Yeah, they deserve it. So do you and I. Nobody's faultless. Everyone's sinned. So pray for 'em, do good to 'em, bless 'em, 'cause God loves them and died for them too.
Speak life to bring peace to someone. Speak life to show them that they're loved, and that they have a purpose and a destiny specifically made for them. Speak death to doubt and distrust. Speak life to faith. Speak death to racism and fear of the unknown. Speak life, and speak death, to the right things.
I'm working on this too, so pray that I learn how to do this too. And I'm praying for you guys too. :)
God bless you guys. I love ya. :) <3
--Sonya :)
At some point in your life, someone's words made you die a little inside. Whether it was embarrassing, chilling, or just plain painful to hear, those words made some part of you die.
Now, think about a time when someone told you something, and immediately, the deadness inside of you became alive again. Suddenly, you felt like you were living again. It's hard to explain exactly how that feels, but it is literally like you were dead, and you didn't think you could live again, and suddenly you could feel yourself being revived from the dead.
Like the song says, "Words can build you up, words can bring us down, start a fire in our hearts or put it out." That's why it's important to be careful about what you say. The words you say can speak life into someone, or death.
So 'speak life' is an obvious thing you can take away from this post. Yeah. Don't say something so hurtful to someone that they'd decide to take their own life. You're not responsible for other people's choices, but you are very responsible for your own, and you have an influence over people whether you know it or not.
But here's something else you need to think about when you're tryna 'speak life' into someone: Don't be so caught up in tryna speak life that you speak life to the wrong things. There are something things we should speak death to as well. Death to sin, death to hate, death to insecurity, death to pride, death to depression, death to anxiety, death to unhealthy living.
Don't enable people to do things that you and they know will kill them in the end.
That said, don't kill them with your words, ne? Find a balance. Sometimes you need to cut things open in order to drain the poison, sometimes you need to give some anesthesia before you do it. And sometimes, yes, all that you need to do is wipe the scrape off, put some Neosporin on it and slap a band-aid on that thing. Once you get more in tune with God, which means actually taking the time to get to know Him and building that relationship with Him through prayer, reading your bible, and fasting, you start to get more in tune with people. You start to see the needs, the wounds, and if you listen closely, you'll understand what needs to take place for the healing process to begin/continue.
Humans are not the enemy. Even if they hurt you, even if they call themselves your enemies, they aren't the real enemy. There's something behind their actions, be it pain, stress, demonic forces, or whatever. That's why you gotta pray for them. Bless the people who curse you, because you know God's got your back. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay," saith the Lord (end of Romans 12:19). If you've read the Old Testament, you know that God's wrath is scary to be on the receiving end of. And if you're close to God, you really don't want anyone to be on that receiving end, no matter how badly they hurt you. Yeah, they deserve it. So do you and I. Nobody's faultless. Everyone's sinned. So pray for 'em, do good to 'em, bless 'em, 'cause God loves them and died for them too.
Speak life to bring peace to someone. Speak life to show them that they're loved, and that they have a purpose and a destiny specifically made for them. Speak death to doubt and distrust. Speak life to faith. Speak death to racism and fear of the unknown. Speak life, and speak death, to the right things.
I'm working on this too, so pray that I learn how to do this too. And I'm praying for you guys too. :)
God bless you guys. I love ya. :) <3
--Sonya :)
Monday, June 13, 2016
Just Some More Random Thoughts
Sometimes, God does some weird, crazy stuff. Weird, like, awesome, but when you're in the middle of it it's just weird, you know?
Like, sometimes, you get lyrics or a melody stuck in your head, you write/play it out, and BAM you have this song that doesn't make sense for where you are in life right then. Maybe it's about brokenness. Maybe it's about joy. Maybe it's about growing up. And then later you get to a point in your life where, dude, I needed that song. Like, that song was written by the Me from then for the Me that's now.
It's like when you memorize a verse. Sometimes, those verses in the Bible make absolutely no sense, or they make sense but it's just head-knowledge. Yeah, I know God'll never leave me or forsake me. Yeah, I know He'll bring me through the fire and the water. Yeah, I know He's faithful.
But then you go through some crazy situation and dude, now you know that God will never leave or forsake you. Now, you know He'll bring you through the trials. Now you actually know that He's faithful.
Sometimes, we go through times where we question those promises. You feel numb to the things going on around you, and God seems distant. You're angry, you're lonely, you're unsure about what to do next. Are you making the right decision? Are you doing something that's actually glorifying God? Is what you're doing really going to help take you to where you want to be later in life, or is it all just a big waste of time?
And with those big questions like that, there comes another big question: God, are You actually listening? God, do You care about this dilemma I'm in? How come I can't hear You? Are You speaking? Am I praying hard enough, or are You just not answering me?
Raise your hand if you've done that before. Okay, good, I'm not the only one. Now, raise your hand if you've done that to someone who isn't God. Maybe a sibling, friend, parent, if you have a phone you've more than likely gone through that when they aren't texting back and you're waiting for a wise reply to a tricky question.
There's this thing called trust. You have to have the trust in order to have the relationship. Whether it's a mutual exchange 'business' kind of relationship or a romantic relationship, in order to have any kind of relationship, or to have any kind of transaction, you gotta trust.
People with trust issues: you trust the cashier to give you back your credit card when you hand it to them to pay for something. You trust the ATM to give you money when you punch in the numbers and give it your information. You don't have trust issues, you have people issues, or paranoia, one of the two.
If you have both... just pray. God'll take care of both of those issues.
Anyways, if you say you have 'trust issues' what you really mean is, "Somebody hurt me and because of that, I'm afraid that someone will hurt me again and that's why I'm careful to not open up and be vulnerable." I get it. The pain of allowing someone into your heart, or your life, or into your outer circle, and seeing them treat you like you are worthless, that hurts. You either learn to overcome that and forgive them, allowing them to go free and yourself to take the fall, or you learn to hate and get bitter over that.
The second option's easy, because it involves our idea that 'justice must be done,' that this wrong must be made right.
The first option's hard, because it means you gotta trust that God will make you stand when other people make you fall. It means you need to trust in something higher than yourself. It involves a decision-making process that is incredibly hard to make when everything inside of you screams at you to condemn, judge, kill. Your mind calls for justice, for the blood that they made you spill to be spilled by them.
But God, His Spirit, asks for mercy.
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He gasped that out when He was nailed by his wrists and feet to a splintered, wooden cross. He who did no wrong was falsely accused, condemned, beaten, and nailed. If anyone had a right to cry out for justice to be done, it was Jesus Christ. But He didn't. Instead, He cried for mercy.
Sometimes, God allows us to go through these weird, crazy situations to get our attention. Where we are, who we are, what our purpose is, what makes up our character, it all has to be refined. After the thing, we realized, had it not been for *insert craziness here*, we wouldn't be who we are today and we wouldn't have a clearer vision of where we need to go. During the whole weird, crazy stuff, it's like, umm God, what's going on? But we need to just trust that He's got a plan. He's doing some weird, crazy things that are for our good. It'll work out in the end.
And that's a promise that you can stake your life on. :)
Happy summer, guys. God bless ya. <3
--Sonya
Like, sometimes, you get lyrics or a melody stuck in your head, you write/play it out, and BAM you have this song that doesn't make sense for where you are in life right then. Maybe it's about brokenness. Maybe it's about joy. Maybe it's about growing up. And then later you get to a point in your life where, dude, I needed that song. Like, that song was written by the Me from then for the Me that's now.
It's like when you memorize a verse. Sometimes, those verses in the Bible make absolutely no sense, or they make sense but it's just head-knowledge. Yeah, I know God'll never leave me or forsake me. Yeah, I know He'll bring me through the fire and the water. Yeah, I know He's faithful.
But then you go through some crazy situation and dude, now you know that God will never leave or forsake you. Now, you know He'll bring you through the trials. Now you actually know that He's faithful.
Sometimes, we go through times where we question those promises. You feel numb to the things going on around you, and God seems distant. You're angry, you're lonely, you're unsure about what to do next. Are you making the right decision? Are you doing something that's actually glorifying God? Is what you're doing really going to help take you to where you want to be later in life, or is it all just a big waste of time?
And with those big questions like that, there comes another big question: God, are You actually listening? God, do You care about this dilemma I'm in? How come I can't hear You? Are You speaking? Am I praying hard enough, or are You just not answering me?
Raise your hand if you've done that before. Okay, good, I'm not the only one. Now, raise your hand if you've done that to someone who isn't God. Maybe a sibling, friend, parent, if you have a phone you've more than likely gone through that when they aren't texting back and you're waiting for a wise reply to a tricky question.
There's this thing called trust. You have to have the trust in order to have the relationship. Whether it's a mutual exchange 'business' kind of relationship or a romantic relationship, in order to have any kind of relationship, or to have any kind of transaction, you gotta trust.
People with trust issues: you trust the cashier to give you back your credit card when you hand it to them to pay for something. You trust the ATM to give you money when you punch in the numbers and give it your information. You don't have trust issues, you have people issues, or paranoia, one of the two.
If you have both... just pray. God'll take care of both of those issues.
Anyways, if you say you have 'trust issues' what you really mean is, "Somebody hurt me and because of that, I'm afraid that someone will hurt me again and that's why I'm careful to not open up and be vulnerable." I get it. The pain of allowing someone into your heart, or your life, or into your outer circle, and seeing them treat you like you are worthless, that hurts. You either learn to overcome that and forgive them, allowing them to go free and yourself to take the fall, or you learn to hate and get bitter over that.
The second option's easy, because it involves our idea that 'justice must be done,' that this wrong must be made right.
The first option's hard, because it means you gotta trust that God will make you stand when other people make you fall. It means you need to trust in something higher than yourself. It involves a decision-making process that is incredibly hard to make when everything inside of you screams at you to condemn, judge, kill. Your mind calls for justice, for the blood that they made you spill to be spilled by them.
But God, His Spirit, asks for mercy.
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He gasped that out when He was nailed by his wrists and feet to a splintered, wooden cross. He who did no wrong was falsely accused, condemned, beaten, and nailed. If anyone had a right to cry out for justice to be done, it was Jesus Christ. But He didn't. Instead, He cried for mercy.
Sometimes, God allows us to go through these weird, crazy situations to get our attention. Where we are, who we are, what our purpose is, what makes up our character, it all has to be refined. After the thing, we realized, had it not been for *insert craziness here*, we wouldn't be who we are today and we wouldn't have a clearer vision of where we need to go. During the whole weird, crazy stuff, it's like, umm God, what's going on? But we need to just trust that He's got a plan. He's doing some weird, crazy things that are for our good. It'll work out in the end.
And that's a promise that you can stake your life on. :)
Happy summer, guys. God bless ya. <3
--Sonya
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
I Don't Want Apologies
Apologies are nice. When someone says they're sorry and they mean it, it's just nice to hear it, to be honest. They're acknowledging that they did something against you, and they're taking a step towards making it right.
But how many people out there can tell me that a simple "I'm sorry" sometimes isn't enough?
Let's go with an extreme example.
You completely, utterly, totally snap. The person who's been driving you crazy for the past who knows how long, you finally let them have it. And when you're done, they act like a kicked puppy, head down, shoulders hunched, and they mumble the words, "I'm sorry."
That feels great. That should be the end of it. You freaked out at them (and they totally deserved it), they said they're sorry, end of story, so now it's happily ever after, ne?
And then the next time they see you, they're still doing that thing that literally annoys the Spirit of God out of you.
The truth is, whatever happened, whether it was your parents hurting you, a friend being a total jerkface, a person who just will not stop being annoying and butting into your business, that idiot who just has to make everything into an argument or won't quit pushing their own viewpoint in every conversation, whatever it is, you don't want an apology from them. Okay, yes you do. You want them to say that they're sorry, you want to hear those words that basically say, "I did you wrong and I won't do it again."
See those five words I added to the end of that sentence?
It doesn't matter if they apologize or not, really. What matters is whether they actually change their behavior. I don't want an apology, I want your behavior to change.
I'm slowly getting to the point where I don't necessarily care if someone apologizes to me. If they get the words out and ask for forgiveness, then hey, it means they're at least willing to try to make it right, so that's a nice thing. But I'd rather they just change than say they're sorry.
When I apologize, I'm admitting I'm wrong, that I did something that I shouldn't have, and that I want to make it right. I try harder to not do it the next time the temptation comes, whether it's to mouth off or flip out or just do something stupid. Sometimes, I fail. Just ask my brothers and sisters. My parents'll also back that statement up.
But sometimes I succeed. I think it's about breaking an old habit by replacing it with a new habit. And I learned that, if you actually let Him, God'll help you if you ask.
So quit walking around, waiting for an apology, because that's not really what you want. You want that behavior to change. And also, quit walking around constantly saying you're sorry and accepting the fact that you're just a fail at life. Throw that garbage in the dumpster and start trying harder. Pray more, keep your mouth shut, recognize the situations that trigger the behavior and either run or make up in your mind beforehand that you won't participate. You overthink things already, so start coming up with scenarios in your head and what you'll do when you're faced with those things that make you want to flip out.
You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to them. And who knows? The way you act might subtly influence how they act. You change, they just might change. It's not such a long shot, actually, and hey, at the end of the day, at least you're clean.
I hope you guys have a good rest of your week. BTW, summer's soon, you lucky ducks, have fun graduating, or just getting out on summer break and stuff. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Peace out. :)
--Sonya :) <3
P.S. What'cha think of the new look? :D
P.S.2 I'm sorry if I came off as super harsh in this post. If you feel like I'm being preachy, well, I probably was, I wasn't really preaching at you though, I was preaching at myself. And to you too, I suppose, but not in a condemning way, at least that's not my intention. I wanna build you up, not tear you down. I love you. Even if I don't know you, you're a human, you got a soul, and if you've read this far down it means you're at least vaguely interested in what I have to say, I think. :) God bless you. <3
But how many people out there can tell me that a simple "I'm sorry" sometimes isn't enough?
Let's go with an extreme example.
You completely, utterly, totally snap. The person who's been driving you crazy for the past who knows how long, you finally let them have it. And when you're done, they act like a kicked puppy, head down, shoulders hunched, and they mumble the words, "I'm sorry."
That feels great. That should be the end of it. You freaked out at them (and they totally deserved it), they said they're sorry, end of story, so now it's happily ever after, ne?
And then the next time they see you, they're still doing that thing that literally annoys the Spirit of God out of you.
The truth is, whatever happened, whether it was your parents hurting you, a friend being a total jerkface, a person who just will not stop being annoying and butting into your business, that idiot who just has to make everything into an argument or won't quit pushing their own viewpoint in every conversation, whatever it is, you don't want an apology from them. Okay, yes you do. You want them to say that they're sorry, you want to hear those words that basically say, "I did you wrong and I won't do it again."
See those five words I added to the end of that sentence?
It doesn't matter if they apologize or not, really. What matters is whether they actually change their behavior. I don't want an apology, I want your behavior to change.
I'm slowly getting to the point where I don't necessarily care if someone apologizes to me. If they get the words out and ask for forgiveness, then hey, it means they're at least willing to try to make it right, so that's a nice thing. But I'd rather they just change than say they're sorry.
When I apologize, I'm admitting I'm wrong, that I did something that I shouldn't have, and that I want to make it right. I try harder to not do it the next time the temptation comes, whether it's to mouth off or flip out or just do something stupid. Sometimes, I fail. Just ask my brothers and sisters. My parents'll also back that statement up.
But sometimes I succeed. I think it's about breaking an old habit by replacing it with a new habit. And I learned that, if you actually let Him, God'll help you if you ask.
So quit walking around, waiting for an apology, because that's not really what you want. You want that behavior to change. And also, quit walking around constantly saying you're sorry and accepting the fact that you're just a fail at life. Throw that garbage in the dumpster and start trying harder. Pray more, keep your mouth shut, recognize the situations that trigger the behavior and either run or make up in your mind beforehand that you won't participate. You overthink things already, so start coming up with scenarios in your head and what you'll do when you're faced with those things that make you want to flip out.
You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to them. And who knows? The way you act might subtly influence how they act. You change, they just might change. It's not such a long shot, actually, and hey, at the end of the day, at least you're clean.
I hope you guys have a good rest of your week. BTW, summer's soon, you lucky ducks, have fun graduating, or just getting out on summer break and stuff. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Peace out. :)
--Sonya :) <3
P.S. What'cha think of the new look? :D
P.S.2 I'm sorry if I came off as super harsh in this post. If you feel like I'm being preachy, well, I probably was, I wasn't really preaching at you though, I was preaching at myself. And to you too, I suppose, but not in a condemning way, at least that's not my intention. I wanna build you up, not tear you down. I love you. Even if I don't know you, you're a human, you got a soul, and if you've read this far down it means you're at least vaguely interested in what I have to say, I think. :) God bless you. <3
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Be the Person You Needed When You Were Younger --Anonymous
"Be the person you needed when you were younger."
I can't tell you when I first saw those words in a picture while I was scrolling through Facebook one day. But I can tell you how they changed my life.
When I was younger, I was an idiot, and to be honest, I still kind of am, I'm just a little bit wiser. I was easily influenced, but I could also run on my own two feet. I loved life. Time was slow-moving, except when I was having fun with my friends. Life was an open possibility, I could be anything from an archeologist to a doctor to a racecar driver to an astronaut to a Power Ranger to a superhero to a cat.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to be a cat when I was younger. And I have actually partially accomplished this, in habit only of course. Sleeping, being nocturnal, only allowing people to touch me when I want them to, curling up on a couch, man, the only things I don't do that are cat-like are potty in a litter box, bring home 'treats' for my homeowners, and use my tongue as a shower.
I'm just kidding. I have been compared to a cat before, though, but those are stories for another day.
Anyways. The edge of the universe was the limit for me back then, and it was amazing.
Then, we moved, and I quickly learned what it's like to be on 'the outside' of a teenaged peer-group with no hopes of getting into the 'in-group'. Loneliness, heartbreak (not just the romantic kind, I mean full-on my heart broke because life hurt and people hurt and breaking down was the only thing I could do 'cause dying is never an option), be it hormones or circumstances, all of that hit me like a bullet train.
So when I first read the words, "Be the person you needed when you were younger," it made me think about all of the mistakes I've made. All the things that I feel like I could've avoided if I'd had someone experienced that I looked up to to help me. I was so immature, and I was so bad at listening, though, I'm not sure if I would've listened if an older me had been there to help me.
I do know that, had those things not happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. So now I feel like I need to be that person I needed when I was younger. I wished someone would've told me that I'd get through some of the messes that I did. I wished someone would've been there to shine a light to me when all I felt was darkness around me. I wished someone would've prayed with me and over me when I needed it, offered words of encouragement or something.
There were a few who did those things, but people are human, and they can't be there all the time. I understand that. But it didn't stop the wishing.
So now, I try to do those things. I try to tell people that they'll get through those situations that feel so hopeless. I try to shine a light to people who feel like they're lost and stumbling around in darkness. I pray things over people that I wish someone would've prayed over me. I try to be encouraging when someone needs it and I can see that they need it.
I can't be a people-pleaser. But I don't think that's what Paul was saying when he said, "I am become all things to all people." I think he meant that he got down on other people's level so he could reach them. He wasn't high and mighty, he wasn't oh-so-great and, "Oh you need help so I, the great Paul, will help you and bring myself down because you're so much lower." Yeah, no. He had something so precious, so amazing, and he was willing to do anything to pass it on to other people who didn't have it. If it meant becoming poor, weak, whatever, if he could shine a light and bring people to Christ, then he did it. He served people like Jesus served people.
I am not the Apostle Paul, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just me. But I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. I want to be that person that gave someone the hope to keep hanging on. I can't do that by myself, but I know God can do that through me. And He can do it through you too.
You're a lot stronger than you were at 13. You're a whole lot stronger this year than you were last year. You can find the strength to keep going, and you can find the strength to keep reaching out to other people too. God's strength is found perfect in your weakness, so when you feel weak, don't rely on your own strength. Rely on God's. You can be the person you needed when you were younger. We may be our own worst critics, but we can also encourage ourselves in the Holy Ghost, like David did. We can be that person that someone else needs right now. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself, to try something new, to go out on a limb and step out on faith. Who knows? It may be the breaking point for someone. It may be what catapults you into your destiny, and it may be what launches someone into their victory.
You never know 'til you try. :)
Stay strong, guys. God bless you and help you, in Jesus name. And if you need someone, I'm here.
Love you guys. :)
--Sonya :) <3
I can't tell you when I first saw those words in a picture while I was scrolling through Facebook one day. But I can tell you how they changed my life.
When I was younger, I was an idiot, and to be honest, I still kind of am, I'm just a little bit wiser. I was easily influenced, but I could also run on my own two feet. I loved life. Time was slow-moving, except when I was having fun with my friends. Life was an open possibility, I could be anything from an archeologist to a doctor to a racecar driver to an astronaut to a Power Ranger to a superhero to a cat.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to be a cat when I was younger. And I have actually partially accomplished this, in habit only of course. Sleeping, being nocturnal, only allowing people to touch me when I want them to, curling up on a couch, man, the only things I don't do that are cat-like are potty in a litter box, bring home 'treats' for my homeowners, and use my tongue as a shower.
I'm just kidding. I have been compared to a cat before, though, but those are stories for another day.
Anyways. The edge of the universe was the limit for me back then, and it was amazing.
Then, we moved, and I quickly learned what it's like to be on 'the outside' of a teenaged peer-group with no hopes of getting into the 'in-group'. Loneliness, heartbreak (not just the romantic kind, I mean full-on my heart broke because life hurt and people hurt and breaking down was the only thing I could do 'cause dying is never an option), be it hormones or circumstances, all of that hit me like a bullet train.
So when I first read the words, "Be the person you needed when you were younger," it made me think about all of the mistakes I've made. All the things that I feel like I could've avoided if I'd had someone experienced that I looked up to to help me. I was so immature, and I was so bad at listening, though, I'm not sure if I would've listened if an older me had been there to help me.
I do know that, had those things not happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. So now I feel like I need to be that person I needed when I was younger. I wished someone would've told me that I'd get through some of the messes that I did. I wished someone would've been there to shine a light to me when all I felt was darkness around me. I wished someone would've prayed with me and over me when I needed it, offered words of encouragement or something.
There were a few who did those things, but people are human, and they can't be there all the time. I understand that. But it didn't stop the wishing.
So now, I try to do those things. I try to tell people that they'll get through those situations that feel so hopeless. I try to shine a light to people who feel like they're lost and stumbling around in darkness. I pray things over people that I wish someone would've prayed over me. I try to be encouraging when someone needs it and I can see that they need it.
I can't be a people-pleaser. But I don't think that's what Paul was saying when he said, "I am become all things to all people." I think he meant that he got down on other people's level so he could reach them. He wasn't high and mighty, he wasn't oh-so-great and, "Oh you need help so I, the great Paul, will help you and bring myself down because you're so much lower." Yeah, no. He had something so precious, so amazing, and he was willing to do anything to pass it on to other people who didn't have it. If it meant becoming poor, weak, whatever, if he could shine a light and bring people to Christ, then he did it. He served people like Jesus served people.
I am not the Apostle Paul, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just me. But I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. I want to be that person that gave someone the hope to keep hanging on. I can't do that by myself, but I know God can do that through me. And He can do it through you too.
You're a lot stronger than you were at 13. You're a whole lot stronger this year than you were last year. You can find the strength to keep going, and you can find the strength to keep reaching out to other people too. God's strength is found perfect in your weakness, so when you feel weak, don't rely on your own strength. Rely on God's. You can be the person you needed when you were younger. We may be our own worst critics, but we can also encourage ourselves in the Holy Ghost, like David did. We can be that person that someone else needs right now. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself, to try something new, to go out on a limb and step out on faith. Who knows? It may be the breaking point for someone. It may be what catapults you into your destiny, and it may be what launches someone into their victory.
You never know 'til you try. :)
Stay strong, guys. God bless you and help you, in Jesus name. And if you need someone, I'm here.
Love you guys. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Random Thoughts of a 19-Year-Old
So, my birthday recently passed. It was pretty great. Got to spend it with some amazing people, and I took a day and just spent it with my family. For the first time in forever (if you sang that in your head, I love you haha) my entire family went out shopping together. We went to Starbucks (drive-thru, haha that was interesting cutting across parking lots and going through all the weird twists and turns just to get to that particular Starbucks), Wal-mart, Goodwill, and then we came home and grilled a buncha different steaks.
Being 19 is basically the same as being 18, except it makes me realize that, HOLY SMOKE DOCTA JONES! Time is flying by. This is my last year of being a 'teenager'. I remember turning 13 and thinking something along the lines of, "Woohoo, I'm finally a teenager, now I'm gonna be all cool and mature and stylish and have great hair and tons of friends and everything's gonna be like all the Disney movies and tv shows I've seen about how being a teenager works!"
Yeah, nope. Not how it worked at all. I mean, there was definitely a ton of drama, good 'growing lessons', all that fun jazz, but there were also some RIDICULOUS transitions. I mean, I got into Japanese anime and Korean dramas, for crying out loud! And then I decided, hey I think I can learn these languages! (Progress is still kinda slow, but I'm proud to say that sometimes, I don't need the subtitles to know what they're saying, and I actually catch translation errors every once in a while! :D) I realized that I really like to write, but I don't always like to finish what I start. I learned that crying is okay. I learned that some friends come and go, and some stay constantly by your side, even when they're not physically by your side. People have my back, some don't, and having it together ain't always having it together. Sometimes, God and music are my only companions, and feeling/being 'incomplete' is actually okay. Haha, for the first time in my life, (thanks to Thousand Foot Krutch and their song 'Incomplete' haha) I actually feel like, even though life's not what I thought it should be, and I'm 19 and I feel totally inadequate to tackle the future ('cause it's always on Life's terms, never on mine), that that's actually okay.
That's right. Not having life figured out, not knowing what you're s'posed to do, not being 'complete', that is okay. When life, people, stuff, everything just cuts you down and stabs a knife into your side, you may be bleeding but you're not dead yet. You've fallen flat on your face and you don't have the strength to get back up? Either lie there until you do regain your strength, or crawl. You're not dying today, soldier. Too much is on the line.
Yes, there's gonna be a ton of doubts. Lot's of failures. Lots of pain. It's what we do, we're human, we doubt, we fail, we get hurt, but all of that should just drive us to fight harder. You're bleeding? Bandage yourself up, babe, and keep running. They stabbed you in the back? Forgive and move on. You're incomplete? Everybody is, sweetheart. Everybody's got this God-sized whole inside of them, and most of the time they try everything except God to fill it up, but hey, if you've stumbled on this blog for the first time, here's some info: There's this amazing God who created this entire universe, balanced everything in it, and decided that, hey, this universe needs a YOU in it. He knew we'd mess up, so He made a way by taking on the same kind of flesh you and I have and dying on a cross to repair the bridge that we burnt down.
I know life's hard. I know we got problems, you got problems, you got issues man. I know saying 'move on,' 'forgive and forget,' 'get over it,' all that stuff sometimes doesn't help because what happened hurts. It's hard to do any of that. It feels like people are just completely bypassing every pain and hurt and they're just leaving you high and dry with pretty words that run like water through your fingers. But trust me when I say, if love can cover my sins, if God's blood can cover anyone's sins, then His blood can cover yours. He can literally get inside of your very core and heal the pain you've concealed from everyone else. By the grace of God, you can forgive and forget, you can move on, you can get over it because dude, we're more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
Overcoming doesn't mean you get it right the first time. It means you were knocked down, but you kept trying.
So bro. Sis. Kid. Adult. Human. You. Don't. Stop. Trying. Reach for the stars. Run that race. Achieve your dreams, one step at a time. Go for it. Find God in the madness. Don't stop living, don't stop breathing, don't stop believing, don't stop trying to do what you feel called to do. Nobody else can do what you can. Nobody else can live your life. You're a unique, beautiful spark of life that will achieve the impossible if you let it turn into a flame. Don't snuff it out before it's even started, and don't stomp out the smoke when it doesn't work out how you thought. Keep breathing on it. Find more wood. Get creative. You know what'cha gotta do. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your weekend. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Being 19 is basically the same as being 18, except it makes me realize that, HOLY SMOKE DOCTA JONES! Time is flying by. This is my last year of being a 'teenager'. I remember turning 13 and thinking something along the lines of, "Woohoo, I'm finally a teenager, now I'm gonna be all cool and mature and stylish and have great hair and tons of friends and everything's gonna be like all the Disney movies and tv shows I've seen about how being a teenager works!"
Yeah, nope. Not how it worked at all. I mean, there was definitely a ton of drama, good 'growing lessons', all that fun jazz, but there were also some RIDICULOUS transitions. I mean, I got into Japanese anime and Korean dramas, for crying out loud! And then I decided, hey I think I can learn these languages! (Progress is still kinda slow, but I'm proud to say that sometimes, I don't need the subtitles to know what they're saying, and I actually catch translation errors every once in a while! :D) I realized that I really like to write, but I don't always like to finish what I start. I learned that crying is okay. I learned that some friends come and go, and some stay constantly by your side, even when they're not physically by your side. People have my back, some don't, and having it together ain't always having it together. Sometimes, God and music are my only companions, and feeling/being 'incomplete' is actually okay. Haha, for the first time in my life, (thanks to Thousand Foot Krutch and their song 'Incomplete' haha) I actually feel like, even though life's not what I thought it should be, and I'm 19 and I feel totally inadequate to tackle the future ('cause it's always on Life's terms, never on mine), that that's actually okay.
That's right. Not having life figured out, not knowing what you're s'posed to do, not being 'complete', that is okay. When life, people, stuff, everything just cuts you down and stabs a knife into your side, you may be bleeding but you're not dead yet. You've fallen flat on your face and you don't have the strength to get back up? Either lie there until you do regain your strength, or crawl. You're not dying today, soldier. Too much is on the line.
Yes, there's gonna be a ton of doubts. Lot's of failures. Lots of pain. It's what we do, we're human, we doubt, we fail, we get hurt, but all of that should just drive us to fight harder. You're bleeding? Bandage yourself up, babe, and keep running. They stabbed you in the back? Forgive and move on. You're incomplete? Everybody is, sweetheart. Everybody's got this God-sized whole inside of them, and most of the time they try everything except God to fill it up, but hey, if you've stumbled on this blog for the first time, here's some info: There's this amazing God who created this entire universe, balanced everything in it, and decided that, hey, this universe needs a YOU in it. He knew we'd mess up, so He made a way by taking on the same kind of flesh you and I have and dying on a cross to repair the bridge that we burnt down.
I know life's hard. I know we got problems, you got problems, you got issues man. I know saying 'move on,' 'forgive and forget,' 'get over it,' all that stuff sometimes doesn't help because what happened hurts. It's hard to do any of that. It feels like people are just completely bypassing every pain and hurt and they're just leaving you high and dry with pretty words that run like water through your fingers. But trust me when I say, if love can cover my sins, if God's blood can cover anyone's sins, then His blood can cover yours. He can literally get inside of your very core and heal the pain you've concealed from everyone else. By the grace of God, you can forgive and forget, you can move on, you can get over it because dude, we're more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
Overcoming doesn't mean you get it right the first time. It means you were knocked down, but you kept trying.
So bro. Sis. Kid. Adult. Human. You. Don't. Stop. Trying. Reach for the stars. Run that race. Achieve your dreams, one step at a time. Go for it. Find God in the madness. Don't stop living, don't stop breathing, don't stop believing, don't stop trying to do what you feel called to do. Nobody else can do what you can. Nobody else can live your life. You're a unique, beautiful spark of life that will achieve the impossible if you let it turn into a flame. Don't snuff it out before it's even started, and don't stomp out the smoke when it doesn't work out how you thought. Keep breathing on it. Find more wood. Get creative. You know what'cha gotta do. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your weekend. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
IYC'16: The Things I Learned
Life is full of new experiences. It's got a lot of good stuff and bad stuff. Pain is part of it.
I can just about guarantee that everyone knows what pain feels like. The physical pain of growing, the mental pain of studying, the spiritual pain of someone you trusted either stabbing you in the back or leaving you when you need them the most.
Those are just some examples of pain.
IYC'16 taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that, no matter what I'm feeling or what everyone else is doing, God can still speak. He can still move, despite everything that's going on. He's not hindered by our problems, by the things that happen, by the people who hurt us. If we expect something from Him, whether it's an answer to a question, a healing in our body, a miracle in our lives, He is not only more than able to do it, but even if it's just a tiny bit of faith that we have, a little bit of hope, He'll perform exactly what we need to keep going. If it's a short and simple, "Wait," or someone being in the right place at the right time, or whatever, He'll do what needs to be done. He'll keep you alive and give you hope even when all you want to do is die. He'll heal your body exactly when you need it, He'll perform a miracle that blows your mind and makes you break down in tears because you realize God hears you, He knows you, and He loves you.
People aren't perfect. Yes, they'll cut you, they'll tear you down, they'll leave. But the pain they've caused you doesn't have to hinder what God wants to do in your life. It's all up to you.
When you get down on your knees and pray, really seeking God, that's where Heaven and Earth intersect. That's where right now and eternity meet, and it's up to you what happens after that.
If it's relationship problems, He'll either show you which ones you need to let go of or show you how to heal those broken relationships. He is active in our lives, even when we can't see it. Darkness may surround us, and we may feel like we're choking, that there is no hope, but He has a plan through it all. You just gotta hold on to your faith in Him, hope for tomorrow, and when that doesn't seem like enough, just cry out to Him through the night and He'll give you what you need to keep going.
God bless you guys. <3
--Sonya
I can just about guarantee that everyone knows what pain feels like. The physical pain of growing, the mental pain of studying, the spiritual pain of someone you trusted either stabbing you in the back or leaving you when you need them the most.
Those are just some examples of pain.
IYC'16 taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that, no matter what I'm feeling or what everyone else is doing, God can still speak. He can still move, despite everything that's going on. He's not hindered by our problems, by the things that happen, by the people who hurt us. If we expect something from Him, whether it's an answer to a question, a healing in our body, a miracle in our lives, He is not only more than able to do it, but even if it's just a tiny bit of faith that we have, a little bit of hope, He'll perform exactly what we need to keep going. If it's a short and simple, "Wait," or someone being in the right place at the right time, or whatever, He'll do what needs to be done. He'll keep you alive and give you hope even when all you want to do is die. He'll heal your body exactly when you need it, He'll perform a miracle that blows your mind and makes you break down in tears because you realize God hears you, He knows you, and He loves you.
People aren't perfect. Yes, they'll cut you, they'll tear you down, they'll leave. But the pain they've caused you doesn't have to hinder what God wants to do in your life. It's all up to you.
When you get down on your knees and pray, really seeking God, that's where Heaven and Earth intersect. That's where right now and eternity meet, and it's up to you what happens after that.
If it's relationship problems, He'll either show you which ones you need to let go of or show you how to heal those broken relationships. He is active in our lives, even when we can't see it. Darkness may surround us, and we may feel like we're choking, that there is no hope, but He has a plan through it all. You just gotta hold on to your faith in Him, hope for tomorrow, and when that doesn't seem like enough, just cry out to Him through the night and He'll give you what you need to keep going.
God bless you guys. <3
--Sonya
Monday, March 14, 2016
Scum or Dung, You Still Got a Purpose
When you're about as fine as green coffee beans but you keep smiling. If you don't know what I'm talking about with the green coffee beans, go buy a bag of unroasted coffee beans and try chewing on one. You might break a tooth. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Easiest way to explain this feeling? I'm under a lot of pressure, again, and I'm not exactly handling it well. I have a Bible Quizzing tournament this Saturday, two +400 page textbooks I need to basically have memorized for their corresponding tests I have to take before April 24th, or else I'll have to take these $1000 equivalent courses.
But it's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. Nothing a good heart-to-heart conversation over Facebook with my BFFLAA 'Cassandra', a bit of 'vision-casting', shall we say, and some introspection and prayer can't fix.
I feel like, every now and again, I hit these walls, or cliffs, that I don't know how to climb over. I stare at them, try to jump over them, try to jump and grab the top, but I miss it over and over again and end up hitting the ground hard, lying on my back, all bruised up, weak and broken, dreams lying shattered at my feet and ideas as dead as flies that stink up the ointment in Ecclesiastes 10:1.
Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.
If you've read my previous posts, I think it's safe for you to assume that I'm good at falling into these 'pits of despair' and eventually figuring out how to get out of them. I can't write a sad song without ending it on a slightly hopeful note. I can't write a blog post without trying to be encouraging at some point. It's a cliche, I know, but there's already enough negativity in the world without me adding to it.
Man, that's a hard sentence to type and take in. It's that kind of thinking that can lead to suicide, or wanting to commit it. "Other people got it worse than I do." That doesn't solve the problem. You still feel like the scum of the earth, and remembering that other people have it way worse than you do doesn't help, in fact, it just makes you feel even lower because now you feel guilty about how bad you feel.
Take a deep breath. Now, just because you feel like the scum of the earth, like you're dung, or even lower than dung, that doesn't mean you don't have a purpose. Just because you don't know what your purpose is, that doesn't mean you don't have one. The scum of the earth has a very specific ecological niche, if you will, a very specific 'purpose' in the cycle of life. Scum cleans up and converts nasty junk into something that'll help our planet continue to survive. Dung, well, there's a reason farmers use manure to fertilize their fields. Dung helps things grow. Helps make the ground more fertile, so food can grow, so we can continue living, so the Earth can continue to thrive. Dung stinks, but it helps the most beautiful things to grow strong.
So if you feel like dung, maybe your purpose is to help other people to grow stronger, to grow into their own beautiful existences. If you feel like scum, maybe your job is to convert junk into something useful. You have a niche, even if you haven't figured out what it is. This wall that you've hit, this sheer cliff you're staring up at, will not confine you forever. It'll force you to get stronger so that one day, when you jump again, even if it's the umpteen-millionth time, your fingers will close around the side of that wall, the edge of that cliff, and you'll haul yourself up over the side of that obstacle that withstood you for so long, and you'll continue on to the next plain of the existence we call your life.
We're both staring those walls and cliffs down. And I've got faith that we'll slay them one day. And I mean slay them. You and I, we'll climb, we'll jump, we'll fall, we'll fail, we'll hurt, we'll cry, and we'll get back up and keep trying until we've finally made it. Don't give up. Don't quit. I believe in you. God believes in you. You're gonna make it through this, and overcome it so completely even you'll be surprised.
God bless ya. Have a good week. Love you guys. Fighting!
Oyasumi, min'na-san!
--Sonya :) <3
Easiest way to explain this feeling? I'm under a lot of pressure, again, and I'm not exactly handling it well. I have a Bible Quizzing tournament this Saturday, two +400 page textbooks I need to basically have memorized for their corresponding tests I have to take before April 24th, or else I'll have to take these $1000 equivalent courses.
But it's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. Nothing a good heart-to-heart conversation over Facebook with my BFFLAA 'Cassandra', a bit of 'vision-casting', shall we say, and some introspection and prayer can't fix.
I feel like, every now and again, I hit these walls, or cliffs, that I don't know how to climb over. I stare at them, try to jump over them, try to jump and grab the top, but I miss it over and over again and end up hitting the ground hard, lying on my back, all bruised up, weak and broken, dreams lying shattered at my feet and ideas as dead as flies that stink up the ointment in Ecclesiastes 10:1.
Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.
If you've read my previous posts, I think it's safe for you to assume that I'm good at falling into these 'pits of despair' and eventually figuring out how to get out of them. I can't write a sad song without ending it on a slightly hopeful note. I can't write a blog post without trying to be encouraging at some point. It's a cliche, I know, but there's already enough negativity in the world without me adding to it.
Man, that's a hard sentence to type and take in. It's that kind of thinking that can lead to suicide, or wanting to commit it. "Other people got it worse than I do." That doesn't solve the problem. You still feel like the scum of the earth, and remembering that other people have it way worse than you do doesn't help, in fact, it just makes you feel even lower because now you feel guilty about how bad you feel.
Take a deep breath. Now, just because you feel like the scum of the earth, like you're dung, or even lower than dung, that doesn't mean you don't have a purpose. Just because you don't know what your purpose is, that doesn't mean you don't have one. The scum of the earth has a very specific ecological niche, if you will, a very specific 'purpose' in the cycle of life. Scum cleans up and converts nasty junk into something that'll help our planet continue to survive. Dung, well, there's a reason farmers use manure to fertilize their fields. Dung helps things grow. Helps make the ground more fertile, so food can grow, so we can continue living, so the Earth can continue to thrive. Dung stinks, but it helps the most beautiful things to grow strong.
So if you feel like dung, maybe your purpose is to help other people to grow stronger, to grow into their own beautiful existences. If you feel like scum, maybe your job is to convert junk into something useful. You have a niche, even if you haven't figured out what it is. This wall that you've hit, this sheer cliff you're staring up at, will not confine you forever. It'll force you to get stronger so that one day, when you jump again, even if it's the umpteen-millionth time, your fingers will close around the side of that wall, the edge of that cliff, and you'll haul yourself up over the side of that obstacle that withstood you for so long, and you'll continue on to the next plain of the existence we call your life.
We're both staring those walls and cliffs down. And I've got faith that we'll slay them one day. And I mean slay them. You and I, we'll climb, we'll jump, we'll fall, we'll fail, we'll hurt, we'll cry, and we'll get back up and keep trying until we've finally made it. Don't give up. Don't quit. I believe in you. God believes in you. You're gonna make it through this, and overcome it so completely even you'll be surprised.
God bless ya. Have a good week. Love you guys. Fighting!
Oyasumi, min'na-san!
--Sonya :) <3
Friday, February 26, 2016
Update On Life, 'Cause Why Not?
My mother informed me yesterday that we were expecting a blizzard. Like, lotsa snow, that kind of thing.
It was snowing, and I was like, "YAAAYYY IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Well, that, and, "The Lord hears the cry of His people," teehee.
I like snow. I grew up in MN, we had tons of it, all the time, with sub-zero temperatures being normal for roughly September/October to March-early April in some cases. Once, it even snowed in May. That was kinda pretty actually, everything was white accented by green.
Rainy days, snowy days, overcast days, I don't know what it is about them but I love it. I think it has to do with the idea of the newness of life. We change the way we dress, our hair goes bonkers, and we just do different things during that kind of weather. I can sit next to a window or go outside and watch the rain fall, and it feels like everything I worry about, my life, my problems, all of it can just be washed away by the rain, and I can be completely calm. I feel like that even during thunderstorms, thunder's booming, lightning's streaking through the sky like an angry scar that illuminates everything for a split second, and the rain is hitting the ground like life depends on it.
And then there's snow. Usually, unless it's extremely windy or something, snow hits the ground, and everything is silent. The world's about to be covered in a white blanket of tiny ice crystals, and it's all completely silent. And you just kind of want to sit there in awe as the world silently turns blindingly white.
It's also kinda fun to stare at snow when it's dark out, and the light hits it just right. Take a walk some time when it's like that, you feel like you're walking on diamonds. It's, by far, one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
In other news, I got an A in my Social Psychology course. Another down, three more Gen Ed courses to go, and then I'm gonna be taking Liberty classes, and then I'll have my BS in Crisis Counseling!
I'll just be happy when I'm done with school, honestly.
Life can be ridiculous. It can get you down, and it's not even the devil attacking you sometimes, it's just life being life and you being you, and it knocks you over and you're lying on your back going, "What just happened?" It's cliche to say but, you don't have to let it keep you down. If you can't get up right now, don't try, just lie there and stare up at the sky. Take a breath and get lost in the sheer vastness of reality. And then, later, when you're charged up, get back up and get back in the fight. Life can knock you down, but it won't keep you down. Like TobyMac said, "It's never too late to get back up again, you may be knocked down but not out forever." :)
Love you guys. God bless.
--Sonya :) <3
It was snowing, and I was like, "YAAAYYY IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Well, that, and, "The Lord hears the cry of His people," teehee.
I like snow. I grew up in MN, we had tons of it, all the time, with sub-zero temperatures being normal for roughly September/October to March-early April in some cases. Once, it even snowed in May. That was kinda pretty actually, everything was white accented by green.
Rainy days, snowy days, overcast days, I don't know what it is about them but I love it. I think it has to do with the idea of the newness of life. We change the way we dress, our hair goes bonkers, and we just do different things during that kind of weather. I can sit next to a window or go outside and watch the rain fall, and it feels like everything I worry about, my life, my problems, all of it can just be washed away by the rain, and I can be completely calm. I feel like that even during thunderstorms, thunder's booming, lightning's streaking through the sky like an angry scar that illuminates everything for a split second, and the rain is hitting the ground like life depends on it.
And then there's snow. Usually, unless it's extremely windy or something, snow hits the ground, and everything is silent. The world's about to be covered in a white blanket of tiny ice crystals, and it's all completely silent. And you just kind of want to sit there in awe as the world silently turns blindingly white.
It's also kinda fun to stare at snow when it's dark out, and the light hits it just right. Take a walk some time when it's like that, you feel like you're walking on diamonds. It's, by far, one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
In other news, I got an A in my Social Psychology course. Another down, three more Gen Ed courses to go, and then I'm gonna be taking Liberty classes, and then I'll have my BS in Crisis Counseling!
I'll just be happy when I'm done with school, honestly.
Life can be ridiculous. It can get you down, and it's not even the devil attacking you sometimes, it's just life being life and you being you, and it knocks you over and you're lying on your back going, "What just happened?" It's cliche to say but, you don't have to let it keep you down. If you can't get up right now, don't try, just lie there and stare up at the sky. Take a breath and get lost in the sheer vastness of reality. And then, later, when you're charged up, get back up and get back in the fight. Life can knock you down, but it won't keep you down. Like TobyMac said, "It's never too late to get back up again, you may be knocked down but not out forever." :)
Love you guys. God bless.
--Sonya :) <3
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Random Thoughts Post :)
Sooo today my brothers and sisters and I have established two fantastic things:
#1. My sister looks really pretty when she smiles and laughs.
#2. I look like a witch when I laugh. (o.0)
Like I said. Fantastic.
Actually, it's hilarious, I grabbed a hat and she grabbed a broom and my brother (who has this really weird kinda gasping/cackling laugh) said, "I'll be your laugh!" and we then proceeded to laugh our heads off while I tried to ride the broom around and Frank did his laugh on command.
It's okay. I know. Say it. "You guys are weeeeiirrrddd." I completely agree.
School's going well. For once I'm not like, stressed out about school necessarily. I mean, not like I was last year, last year was a nightmare tryna get those 6 stinking credits for Intro to Philosophy and English Comp 2.
Thank God that's over, like gaaahhh haha.
Oh yeah. We're on Day 3 of our Daniel Fast+Media Fast. I don't count this blog as media because it's like a diary entry that the entire world can see, and I don't usually read my blog religiously like I would check my Facebook (yeah, Facebook is being fasted from, and it's already alerted me that I have 10 notifications, 3 group updates, and 21 new messages. WHO IS MESSAGING ME?!?! is kinda on my mind right now, like, whoa guys I'm sorry I shoulda left a note on my status that I wasn't gonna be on it for three weeks, oops). I'm definitely missing meat right now, and trying to figure out what's actually 'sugar' and what isn't (seriously, like, are we counting high fructose corn syrup and sucralose and all that junk that's way worse than sugar? Not gonna freak out if we are or aren't, I just wanna make sure I'm conforming to what the rest of the church is doing so we'll be all nice and unified together) is a bit annoying haha. I'm kind of wondering how many people have already lost like, 5 lbs from just cutting out sugar too. Seriously, if you wanna lose weight, cut sugar outta your diet. My pastor put it this way once, talking about a guy he met who'd lost like, 300 lbs or so in 3 years: "Everybody else was saying yes, but I said no." Profound, right? Just say no to sugar and stick to it. Trust me, if my pastor's nine-year-old daughter can say no to sugar for 3 weeks, you can too.
So yeah. If you got my number and need me, text me. If you don't, I will reply to comments.
My pastor told me something else kind of profound the other day. The situation I'm in will change because I will change. I'll grow up, I'll figure this stuff out, and the situation will change because I've changed. The people in the situations I face may not change, but the situation, on my side at least, will change because I will choose to change. I choose to change myself, use self-control to keep from punching people (yes, I am a Christian, and yes, I've wanted to punch people before because I'm also human and we've all found other humans to be extraordinarily aggravating at one time or another to the point where punching them, while it may not help the problem, would still be quite satisfying), I'm still learning how to forgive and not hold stuff against others, and at the end of the day, it's me and my own behavior and relationship with God that I can work on. If other people change their behavior too, then that's great. I don't need to worry about it. Worrying'll just give me a headache, a stomachache, and unnecessary heartache too.
That was a really long way of saying, I can change, you can change, and the thing you wanna change will change if you choose to change.
You guys are great. Hope this year brings new change, new life, and new hope. Our lives are all stories. In the word of the Doctor, "Make it a good one, eh?" :)
God bless!! Have a great rest of your week!! Love ya!!
--Sonya :) <3
#1. My sister looks really pretty when she smiles and laughs.
#2. I look like a witch when I laugh. (o.0)
Like I said. Fantastic.
Actually, it's hilarious, I grabbed a hat and she grabbed a broom and my brother (who has this really weird kinda gasping/cackling laugh) said, "I'll be your laugh!" and we then proceeded to laugh our heads off while I tried to ride the broom around and Frank did his laugh on command.
It's okay. I know. Say it. "You guys are weeeeiirrrddd." I completely agree.
School's going well. For once I'm not like, stressed out about school necessarily. I mean, not like I was last year, last year was a nightmare tryna get those 6 stinking credits for Intro to Philosophy and English Comp 2.
Thank God that's over, like gaaahhh haha.
Oh yeah. We're on Day 3 of our Daniel Fast+Media Fast. I don't count this blog as media because it's like a diary entry that the entire world can see, and I don't usually read my blog religiously like I would check my Facebook (yeah, Facebook is being fasted from, and it's already alerted me that I have 10 notifications, 3 group updates, and 21 new messages. WHO IS MESSAGING ME?!?! is kinda on my mind right now, like, whoa guys I'm sorry I shoulda left a note on my status that I wasn't gonna be on it for three weeks, oops). I'm definitely missing meat right now, and trying to figure out what's actually 'sugar' and what isn't (seriously, like, are we counting high fructose corn syrup and sucralose and all that junk that's way worse than sugar? Not gonna freak out if we are or aren't, I just wanna make sure I'm conforming to what the rest of the church is doing so we'll be all nice and unified together) is a bit annoying haha. I'm kind of wondering how many people have already lost like, 5 lbs from just cutting out sugar too. Seriously, if you wanna lose weight, cut sugar outta your diet. My pastor put it this way once, talking about a guy he met who'd lost like, 300 lbs or so in 3 years: "Everybody else was saying yes, but I said no." Profound, right? Just say no to sugar and stick to it. Trust me, if my pastor's nine-year-old daughter can say no to sugar for 3 weeks, you can too.
So yeah. If you got my number and need me, text me. If you don't, I will reply to comments.
My pastor told me something else kind of profound the other day. The situation I'm in will change because I will change. I'll grow up, I'll figure this stuff out, and the situation will change because I've changed. The people in the situations I face may not change, but the situation, on my side at least, will change because I will choose to change. I choose to change myself, use self-control to keep from punching people (yes, I am a Christian, and yes, I've wanted to punch people before because I'm also human and we've all found other humans to be extraordinarily aggravating at one time or another to the point where punching them, while it may not help the problem, would still be quite satisfying), I'm still learning how to forgive and not hold stuff against others, and at the end of the day, it's me and my own behavior and relationship with God that I can work on. If other people change their behavior too, then that's great. I don't need to worry about it. Worrying'll just give me a headache, a stomachache, and unnecessary heartache too.
That was a really long way of saying, I can change, you can change, and the thing you wanna change will change if you choose to change.
You guys are great. Hope this year brings new change, new life, and new hope. Our lives are all stories. In the word of the Doctor, "Make it a good one, eh?" :)
God bless!! Have a great rest of your week!! Love ya!!
--Sonya :) <3
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
First Post of 2016... And Life's Still a Mess!!!!
It's 2016. People are trying to be like, "New year, new me," like they do every year, but honestly, they don't. It's a new year, but people are still the same old selves they were back in 2015, you know what I mean?
Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine. Like, you say you're gonna do this, so why don't you actually do it? Leave behind all that junk in 2015.
I know it's harder than that. But you'd think they'd at least try for like, a month.
I am still a mess. I have a Bible Quizzing Tournament in a week and a half, I have to study for a big UExcel exam (which is like a glorified CLEP, more in depth, etc.), I have a new Statistics course (and we all know how well the last one went, check earlier posts), and I failed the road test for my driver's license. Um, my mom thinks I can become an amazing driver in a week and wants to take me back to the DMV next week. I'll let you know how badly that turns out. Oh yeah, and this Friday I'm playing keyboard for our youth group. I have recently begun to realize how amateur of a musician I really am, and believe me, it ain't pretty. So I have to practice for that.
Lotsa pressure from lotsa different places. AT LEAST my dad didn't rip into me for failing the road test. Growing up with a Chinese dad, you kind of expect to get ripped into if you don't pass a test the best anyone possibly can. Nope, not just a stereotype. Lots of parents (not just Chinese) have high expectations of their kids, soooo I'm hoping at least one of you are feeling me here.
Ever get that feeling that you're being crushed by a boulder, very slowly? Like, at first it hurts so bad, then after a while you get used to it, and then suddenly there's more pressure and you feel like you're going to break apart into millions of tiny pieces 'cause you can't handle it. Then you get used to that too. But just when you get used to it, more pressure hits you. Or maybe you get a small break, a little bit of relief from the pressure for a little while. But when you come back to it, the pressure's there, and worse now. You feel like it shouldn't be, it's the same pressure you've always had, but it's still heavy, it still hurts, and you're still scared to death it'll crush you and you'll be that person. You know that one, the one who has no direction, failed when they tried and could never regain their footing, the one who "never amounted to anything even though they had so much potential."
Well... enough with the pity party, babe. I come against that fear, that lie, in the name of Jesus. You and me are gonna get through this, the situations we're going through are temporary, and I promise you that we will prove those lies wrong and achieve those dreams God put deep inside of our hearts. We just gotta keep going, keep pushing through, never give up, and have faith in God that He'll bring us through this path He set our feet on.
Love you guys. Keep your chins up. God bless.
--Sonya <3
Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine. Like, you say you're gonna do this, so why don't you actually do it? Leave behind all that junk in 2015.
I know it's harder than that. But you'd think they'd at least try for like, a month.
I am still a mess. I have a Bible Quizzing Tournament in a week and a half, I have to study for a big UExcel exam (which is like a glorified CLEP, more in depth, etc.), I have a new Statistics course (and we all know how well the last one went, check earlier posts), and I failed the road test for my driver's license. Um, my mom thinks I can become an amazing driver in a week and wants to take me back to the DMV next week. I'll let you know how badly that turns out. Oh yeah, and this Friday I'm playing keyboard for our youth group. I have recently begun to realize how amateur of a musician I really am, and believe me, it ain't pretty. So I have to practice for that.
Lotsa pressure from lotsa different places. AT LEAST my dad didn't rip into me for failing the road test. Growing up with a Chinese dad, you kind of expect to get ripped into if you don't pass a test the best anyone possibly can. Nope, not just a stereotype. Lots of parents (not just Chinese) have high expectations of their kids, soooo I'm hoping at least one of you are feeling me here.
Ever get that feeling that you're being crushed by a boulder, very slowly? Like, at first it hurts so bad, then after a while you get used to it, and then suddenly there's more pressure and you feel like you're going to break apart into millions of tiny pieces 'cause you can't handle it. Then you get used to that too. But just when you get used to it, more pressure hits you. Or maybe you get a small break, a little bit of relief from the pressure for a little while. But when you come back to it, the pressure's there, and worse now. You feel like it shouldn't be, it's the same pressure you've always had, but it's still heavy, it still hurts, and you're still scared to death it'll crush you and you'll be that person. You know that one, the one who has no direction, failed when they tried and could never regain their footing, the one who "never amounted to anything even though they had so much potential."
Well... enough with the pity party, babe. I come against that fear, that lie, in the name of Jesus. You and me are gonna get through this, the situations we're going through are temporary, and I promise you that we will prove those lies wrong and achieve those dreams God put deep inside of our hearts. We just gotta keep going, keep pushing through, never give up, and have faith in God that He'll bring us through this path He set our feet on.
Love you guys. Keep your chins up. God bless.
--Sonya <3
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