Random, Strung-Together Thoughts after a Failed Devo

I'm a very stream-of-consciousness kind of writer, kind of person. Sooo let's see how this goes.

That awkward moment when you have to do a devotion for your entire family, you had it all in your head, you go to do it, and those thoughts and scriptures that pierced ya to the heart at 2am two days ago all suddenly sound awkward and hollow and nonsensical and not connected AT ALL.

So, this is like, the second time in a row this kind of thing has happened. Here's some background: I was practicing to do a short mini-sermon for our youth group last Friday, and it was going good, I was feeling good about it, my dad gave me some pointers, and I felt sooo ready to tear it up that night...

And then I actually got up to give it and BAM everything I wanted to say basically packed up and left for the moon. The same thing basically happened again today when I was up for doing a family-devo (which we've just started doing since school started up again). I was ready, and BAM my notes made no sense and my mind forgot how to work.

Side note: I managed to get out basically what I wanted to say both times, but it did not go how I wanted it to go haha.

Also, I am surrounded by preachers. Literally, surrounded. My dad preaches, my mom preaches, my pastor and his wife preach and they live next door, my bro can throw down some awesome stuff (he tore up his day for family devo, btw), my sister knows how to put together a thought and say it clearly yet quietly, and the rest of 'em are just cute but can spit the Word like fire 'cause Bible Quizzing.

And then there's me. Ms. Stumbles-over-her-words. Ms. Has-a-thought-but-can't-speak-it-clearly-when-it's-time-to-give-it. Ms. Talks-in-circles. Ms. I-GOT-IT-haha-just-kidding. Ms. I'm-gonna-quote-a-verse-now-but-I'm-gonna-say-it-faster-than-any-rapper-'cause-I'm-a-Bible-Quizzer-and-didja-get-all-that? (-_-)

I feel called to preach. So why am I such a lousy preacher? Why am I such a lousy devo-giver? I'm surrounded by these amazing people, who have way better qualifications than I do, so why do I feel like God is calling me?

"Not by might, nor by power, but by MY Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts." (Zech. 4:6).

Oh, yeah. Because it's not my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, my experiences, or anything like that that 'qualifies' me. It's not so people can look at me and say, "Dude, she's a good preacher," or, "Dude, she is something else." It's not about me. It's about God. It's about letting God do His thing, and if He wants to use me, I gotta be willing.

So, here's to the kid who feels the call to preach, but everything they meant to say packs up and flies to Mars when they're handed the mic. Here's to the kid who feels the call to the missions field, but you're too shy to talk to your friends about God. Here's to the kid who wants to do something for God, but they're unsure where to start, or they feel held back.

Here's to the kids like me.

We're all in the same boat. Or at least, in the same fleet of boats, somewhere. We've all got questions. Doubts. Frustrations. But sometimes, God calls normal people like us to step outta the boat. Yeah, it takes a leap of faith, and yeah, there might be a storm going on around us. But dude. You can walk on water if He calls you out. Keep your eyes fixed on Him, and you won't sink.

Jesus called ordinary people to do extraordinary things, so that others could look at them and say, "The Lord is with them, He is doing these crazy things." I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that's basically what they said, you know?

So you're called to preach. You're not gonna be an amazing preacher all at once. Just keep trying, keep praying, and keep speaking as the Lord leads ya.

So you're called to missions. Take the first step and talk to one of your friends who's hurting about the One who died for them. Start teaching a Bible Study.

So you want to do something for God and His Church? Be faithful. Be helpful. Serve people. Figure out your social skills. Love people. Pray. Ask. If you feel held back, trust your leaders, because they really do see a bigger picture than you do. Be a Christian, develop who you are, and for the love of all things holy, pray and get in tune with God. He always puts ya where you need to be.

And for everyone else who don't feel like they don't fit into any of those categories: Just keep praying and getting closer to God. If you're one of those people who doesn't feel called to preach, be a missionary overseas, or feel held back or unsure what to do, then God bless you and just keep praying, supporting your leaders, and being a good Christian. If all you're doing is cooking a meal, hosting a Bible Study, raising your kids in church, tryna be a light where you're at, staying unified with your pastor and leadership, whatever, then man, you don't know how much of a blessing you are. If all you do is wash dishes or help clean the bathrooms, or both, then dude, you are a rock star in God's eyes (and probably your pastor's and his wife's eyes too, because if nobody else does it, then they're the ones who do it).

And when things do get frustrating, you fail, you go up to speak and your mouth forgets how to form words and your mind forgets how to think in complete sentences, you get nervous about sharing the Gospel with your friends, or whatever, just remember: Not by your might, not by your power, but by the LORD'S Spirit, says God. You can conquer the world if you have Jesus on your side.

Love you guys. And happy Friday! :D Have a great weekend! God bless!

--Sonya :) <3

Be the Person You Needed When You Were Younger --Anonymous

"Be the person you needed when you were younger."

I can't tell you when I first saw those words in a picture while I was scrolling through Facebook one day. But I can tell you how they changed my life.

When I was younger, I was an idiot, and to be honest, I still kind of am, I'm just a little bit wiser. I was easily influenced, but I could also run on my own two feet. I loved life. Time was slow-moving, except when I was having fun with my friends. Life was an open possibility, I could be anything from an archeologist to a doctor to a racecar driver to an astronaut to a Power Ranger to a superhero to a cat.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to be a cat when I was younger. And I have actually partially accomplished this, in habit only of course. Sleeping, being nocturnal, only allowing people to touch me when I want them to, curling up on a couch, man, the only things I don't do that are cat-like are potty in a litter box, bring home 'treats' for my homeowners, and use my tongue as a shower.

I'm just kidding. I have been compared to a cat before, though, but those are stories for another day.

Anyways. The edge of the universe was the limit for me back then, and it was amazing.

Then, we moved, and I quickly learned what it's like to be on 'the outside' of a teenaged peer-group with no hopes of getting into the 'in-group'. Loneliness, heartbreak (not just the romantic kind, I mean full-on my heart broke because life hurt and people hurt and breaking down was the only thing I could do 'cause dying is never an option), be it hormones or circumstances, all of that hit me like a bullet train.

So when I first read the words, "Be the person you needed when you were younger," it made me think about all of the mistakes I've made. All the things that I feel like I could've avoided if I'd had someone experienced that I looked up to to help me. I was so immature, and I was so bad at listening, though, I'm not sure if I would've listened if an older me had been there to help me.

I do know that, had those things not happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. So now I feel like I need to be that person I needed when I was younger. I wished someone would've told me that I'd get through some of the messes that I did. I wished someone would've been there to shine a light to me when all I felt was darkness around me. I wished someone would've prayed with me and over me when I needed it, offered words of encouragement or something.

There were a few who did those things, but people are human, and they can't be there all the time. I understand that. But it didn't stop the wishing.

So now, I try to do those things. I try to tell people that they'll get through those situations that feel so hopeless. I try to shine a light to people who feel like they're lost and stumbling around in darkness. I pray things over people that I wish someone would've prayed over me. I try to be encouraging when someone needs it and I can see that they need it.

I can't be a people-pleaser. But I don't think that's what Paul was saying when he said, "I am become all things to all people." I think he meant that he got down on other people's level so he could reach them. He wasn't high and mighty, he wasn't oh-so-great and, "Oh you need help so I, the great Paul, will help you and bring myself down because you're so much lower." Yeah, no. He had something so precious, so amazing, and he was willing to do anything to pass it on to other people who didn't have it. If it meant becoming poor, weak, whatever, if he could shine a light and bring people to Christ, then he did it. He served people like Jesus served people.

I am not the Apostle Paul, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just me. But I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. I want to be that person that gave someone the hope to keep hanging on. I can't do that by myself, but I know God can do that through me. And He can do it through you too.

You're a lot stronger than you were at 13. You're a whole lot stronger this year than you were last year. You can find the strength to keep going, and you can find the strength to keep reaching out to other people too. God's strength is found perfect in your weakness, so when you feel weak, don't rely on your own strength. Rely on God's. You can be the person you needed when you were younger. We may be our own worst critics, but we can also encourage ourselves in the Holy Ghost, like David did. We can be that person that someone else needs right now. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself, to try something new, to go out on a limb and step out on faith. Who knows? It may be the breaking point for someone. It may be what catapults you into your destiny, and it may be what launches someone into their victory.

You never know 'til you try. :)

Stay strong, guys. God bless you and help you, in Jesus name. And if you need someone, I'm here.

Love you guys. :)

--Sonya :) <3