Ranting to the Internet and Anybody Else Who'd Care to Read

Have you ever just had a rough day, where things started out okay and then life and reality just kinda came crashing down on you? Or have you ever had a series of bad days like that? Where you're buried under school work, you've got a test next week that you're probably not prepared for but you HAVE to take it or else you're gonna get behind, you've got extra curricular activities and obligations that can't be gotten out of because people are relying on you, you're extra emotional and stressed and stuff, and all you wanna do is curl up under your blankets and go to Narnia or battle the Covenant with only a pistol and an energy sword, or throw them both away and just shoot everything with a rocket launcher?

And people just really don't get it. Or if they do, they're like, "Well, when I was your age..." And you're just standing there like, "Seriously? You only had like, 3 major body systems to worry about, I have like, 8. (-_-)"

OR WORSE. They're just like, "Suck it up and get your emotions under control."

Like, "Dude, you're kidding, right?" *cue internal meltdown*

To be fair, it's not good to let your emotions get the best of you, and yeah, you can control them. But telling people to lighten up is not exactly the best way to go. Sometimes it can work, snap some sense into them, but other times, when people say, "Just slow down, it'll all be fine," well, I just wanna scream at them, "I CAN'T, IF I DO I'LL BE EVEN MORE STRESSED." Make sense?

I can't make everybody happy. It's either me or them now. And from the looks of it, it's gonna have to be them. I can lose a few days of sleep, get re-addicted to caffeine and whatever. I just don't wanna let people down, 'cuz everybody knows that feeling's worse than anything else.

Sometimes it's all you can do to just keep smiling and pretending you're okay when you feel like everything else is just a mess, that you're a mess, that you can't do anything right, even, no, especially the stuff you're normally so good at. Like, wait 'til you get alone in the shower (if you have time, of course) or when you're alone at night trying to study your brains out and finally have a mental breakdown and cry out all the frustration because you're not remembering simple facts you learned two hours ago.

Of course you can't tell anybody about all this. You don't wanna be a burden, or have them blow it all outta proportion worse than you do. So you just suffer quietly, praying that maybe one day you'll see the light after so much darkness, that maybe, just maybe, the storm will be over soon.

You're thinking, "This isn't what I signed up for. This isn't what I wanted. This isn't how it was s'posed to go." But that doesn't change the reality of what it is. It doesn't change how lonely and scared and hopeless you feel. It's like you're walking on thin ice, and one wrong step will cause everything to shatter to pieces. You already feel the icy cold water seeping through the cracks of the ice and into your old, ripped up, falling-apart boots as you keep going. You're beyond that "I think I can" attitude, now you're just hoping that you'll reach the shore before you fall through, 'cuz underneath all that ice is a cold, dark abyss that'll swallow you up, that you'll drown in and nobody will ever know.

Just keep your head up, love. It'll get better soon. You might not be able to tell when, and it may be a long time before it gets better. But it will get better, eventually. If you need to vent, then hey, the comments below are free and I'll listen, 'cuz I know what you're going through. Keep pushing, keep breathing, you'll make it, you'll be stronger for it, keep giving yourself dumb pep talks and just fake it 'til you make it.

And don't forget one last thing: When the walls are closing in around you, sometimes the only thing you can do is pray. It takes no effort at all to say, "God, I need help," and even if He doesn't magically dump all the knowledge you need for that final into your head, He'll make it easier, and hey, He might even calm the storm inside of your head. He wants to, I know that.

Thanks for listening, guys. <3

--Sonya

Random Thought of the Day Involving Music and Jesus

Well, I waited for about 2 hours in the Doc's office 'cause of something weird that's been going on with my chest since Saturday (like, I was laughing, and then it was like there was some kind of huge weight on my chest and good GRIEF it hurt so I haven't been able to laugh, and it gets pretty bad when I cough, and it's just annoying gaaahhh), I've also got some kind of cold, so on top of pressure on chest I also feel like garbage, and I also have to do college work. Oh, and tonight we're supposed to go to my cousins' house, spend the night, and then tomorrow I got music lessons.

I need prayer, people.

But hey, on the bright side, I've gotten a bunch of NaNo planning done, they got free wifi, and I'm currently rocking out (in my mind) to TFK's newest album Oxygen Inhale.

So I just had a random thought the other day: Why do people like, LOVE and are OBSESSED with certain kinds of music and singers?

Well, it's actually pretty simple. When nobody else was there and they were falling apart, the only thing that kept them from giving it all up was music. It was that singer's lyrics, the way it just helped pick up the pieces and put them back together, made everything make sense. The only reason some people are still alive is because of music.

Okay, so you gotta be careful what kind of music you listen to. It's not all good, and what you pump into your head can destroy you just as much as being suicidal will. But I'm not talking about that stuff, I'm talking about the good stuff.

So why do we make fun of those people who have different tastes in music? You've never been in their shoes, you haven't walked the road they've walked, been through the things they've been through.

It's also kind of interesting if you apply that to everyone. Why are atheists making fun of Christians simply because they believe that there's a God? Why do people make fun of/discriminate against other people who aren't like them?

I'm actually not offended if people call me a Jesus freak. Dude, call me that all day, you don't know what He's brought me through, I hope that you think that I'm a Jesus freak. The only reason I'm still alive is because He brought me through some tough times. And yeah, He used music a lot to get through to me.

There's just something about music that brings you to another world. It's like you can either escape everything, or you can finally make sense of the mess inside of you. I heard a preacher describe music as being made in Heaven, not on Earth, and that's why it can do some crazy things like. Obvs, Satan twisted music to his own purposes and that's why we have some... shall we say, interesting singers and even more interesting music.

Anyways, just a thought. Music is God's and He can use it any way He likes, to reach people, to convict, to love, whatever.


Love you guys. God bless, have a wonderful weekend!!!!

--Sonya :)