I Don't Want Apologies

Apologies are nice. When someone says they're sorry and they mean it, it's just nice to hear it, to be honest. They're acknowledging that they did something against you, and they're taking a step towards making it right.

But how many people out there can tell me that a simple "I'm sorry" sometimes isn't enough?

Let's go with an extreme example.

You completely, utterly, totally snap. The person who's been driving you crazy for the past who knows how long, you finally let them have it. And when you're done, they act like a kicked puppy, head down, shoulders hunched, and they mumble the words, "I'm sorry."

That feels great. That should be the end of it. You freaked out at them (and they totally deserved it), they said they're sorry, end of story, so now it's happily ever after, ne?

And then the next time they see you, they're still doing that thing that literally annoys the Spirit of God out of you.

The truth is, whatever happened, whether it was your parents hurting you, a friend being a total jerkface, a person who just will not stop being annoying and butting into your business, that idiot who just has to make everything into an argument or won't quit pushing their own viewpoint in every conversation, whatever it is, you don't want an apology from them. Okay, yes you do. You want them to say that they're sorry, you want to hear those words that basically say, "I did you wrong and I won't do it again."

See those five words I added to the end of that sentence?

It doesn't matter if they apologize or not, really. What matters is whether they actually change their behavior. I don't want an apology, I want your behavior to change.

I'm slowly getting to the point where I don't necessarily care if someone apologizes to me. If they get the words out and ask for forgiveness, then hey, it means they're at least willing to try to make it right, so that's a nice thing. But I'd rather they just change than say they're sorry.

When I apologize, I'm admitting I'm wrong, that I did something that I shouldn't have, and that I want to make it right. I try harder to not do it the next time the temptation comes, whether it's to mouth off or flip out or just do something stupid. Sometimes, I fail. Just ask my brothers and sisters. My parents'll also back that statement up.

But sometimes I succeed. I think it's about breaking an old habit by replacing it with a new habit. And I learned that, if you actually let Him, God'll help you if you ask.

So quit walking around, waiting for an apology, because that's not really what you want. You want that behavior to change. And also, quit walking around constantly saying you're sorry and accepting the fact that you're just a fail at life. Throw that garbage in the dumpster and start trying harder. Pray more, keep your mouth shut, recognize the situations that trigger the behavior and either run or make up in your mind beforehand that you won't participate. You overthink things already, so start coming up with scenarios in your head and what you'll do when you're faced with those things that make you want to flip out.

You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to them. And who knows? The way you act might subtly influence how they act. You change, they just might change. It's not such a long shot, actually, and hey, at the end of the day, at least you're clean.

I hope you guys have a good rest of your week. BTW, summer's soon, you lucky ducks, have fun graduating, or just getting out on summer break and stuff. :)

Love you guys. God bless. Peace out. :)

--Sonya :) <3

P.S. What'cha think of the new look? :D

P.S.2 I'm sorry if I came off as super harsh in this post. If you feel like I'm being preachy, well, I probably was, I wasn't really preaching at you though, I was preaching at myself. And to you too, I suppose, but not in a condemning way, at least that's not my intention. I wanna build you up, not tear you down. I love you. Even if I don't know you, you're a human, you got a soul, and if you've read this far down it means you're at least vaguely interested in what I have to say, I think. :) God bless you. <3