So, my birthday recently passed. It was pretty great. Got to spend it with some amazing people, and I took a day and just spent it with my family. For the first time in forever (if you sang that in your head, I love you haha) my entire family went out shopping together. We went to Starbucks (drive-thru, haha that was interesting cutting across parking lots and going through all the weird twists and turns just to get to that particular Starbucks), Wal-mart, Goodwill, and then we came home and grilled a buncha different steaks.
Being 19 is basically the same as being 18, except it makes me realize that, HOLY SMOKE DOCTA JONES! Time is flying by. This is my last year of being a 'teenager'. I remember turning 13 and thinking something along the lines of, "Woohoo, I'm finally a teenager, now I'm gonna be all cool and mature and stylish and have great hair and tons of friends and everything's gonna be like all the Disney movies and tv shows I've seen about how being a teenager works!"
Yeah, nope. Not how it worked at all. I mean, there was definitely a ton of drama, good 'growing lessons', all that fun jazz, but there were also some RIDICULOUS transitions. I mean, I got into Japanese anime and Korean dramas, for crying out loud! And then I decided, hey I think I can learn these languages! (Progress is still kinda slow, but I'm proud to say that sometimes, I don't need the subtitles to know what they're saying, and I actually catch translation errors every once in a while! :D) I realized that I really like to write, but I don't always like to finish what I start. I learned that crying is okay. I learned that some friends come and go, and some stay constantly by your side, even when they're not physically by your side. People have my back, some don't, and having it together ain't always having it together. Sometimes, God and music are my only companions, and feeling/being 'incomplete' is actually okay. Haha, for the first time in my life, (thanks to Thousand Foot Krutch and their song 'Incomplete' haha) I actually feel like, even though life's not what I thought it should be, and I'm 19 and I feel totally inadequate to tackle the future ('cause it's always on Life's terms, never on mine), that that's actually okay.
That's right. Not having life figured out, not knowing what you're s'posed to do, not being 'complete', that is okay. When life, people, stuff, everything just cuts you down and stabs a knife into your side, you may be bleeding but you're not dead yet. You've fallen flat on your face and you don't have the strength to get back up? Either lie there until you do regain your strength, or crawl. You're not dying today, soldier. Too much is on the line.
Yes, there's gonna be a ton of doubts. Lot's of failures. Lots of pain. It's what we do, we're human, we doubt, we fail, we get hurt, but all of that should just drive us to fight harder. You're bleeding? Bandage yourself up, babe, and keep running. They stabbed you in the back? Forgive and move on. You're incomplete? Everybody is, sweetheart. Everybody's got this God-sized whole inside of them, and most of the time they try everything except God to fill it up, but hey, if you've stumbled on this blog for the first time, here's some info: There's this amazing God who created this entire universe, balanced everything in it, and decided that, hey, this universe needs a YOU in it. He knew we'd mess up, so He made a way by taking on the same kind of flesh you and I have and dying on a cross to repair the bridge that we burnt down.
I know life's hard. I know we got problems, you got problems, you got issues man. I know saying 'move on,' 'forgive and forget,' 'get over it,' all that stuff sometimes doesn't help because what happened hurts. It's hard to do any of that. It feels like people are just completely bypassing every pain and hurt and they're just leaving you high and dry with pretty words that run like water through your fingers. But trust me when I say, if love can cover my sins, if God's blood can cover anyone's sins, then His blood can cover yours. He can literally get inside of your very core and heal the pain you've concealed from everyone else. By the grace of God, you can forgive and forget, you can move on, you can get over it because dude, we're more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
Overcoming doesn't mean you get it right the first time. It means you were knocked down, but you kept trying.
So bro. Sis. Kid. Adult. Human. You. Don't. Stop. Trying. Reach for the stars. Run that race. Achieve your dreams, one step at a time. Go for it. Find God in the madness. Don't stop living, don't stop breathing, don't stop believing, don't stop trying to do what you feel called to do. Nobody else can do what you can. Nobody else can live your life. You're a unique, beautiful spark of life that will achieve the impossible if you let it turn into a flame. Don't snuff it out before it's even started, and don't stomp out the smoke when it doesn't work out how you thought. Keep breathing on it. Find more wood. Get creative. You know what'cha gotta do. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your weekend. :)
--Sonya :) <3
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