First Post of 2016... And Life's Still a Mess!!!!

It's 2016. People are trying to be like, "New year, new me," like they do every year, but honestly, they don't. It's a new year, but people are still the same old selves they were back in 2015, you know what I mean?

Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine. Like, you say you're gonna do this, so why don't you actually do it? Leave behind all that junk in 2015.

I know it's harder than that. But you'd think they'd at least try for like, a month.

I am still a mess. I have a Bible Quizzing Tournament in a week and a half, I have to study for a big UExcel exam (which is like a glorified CLEP, more in depth, etc.), I have a new Statistics course (and we all know how well the last one went, check earlier posts), and I failed the road test for my driver's license. Um, my mom thinks I can become an amazing driver in a week and wants to take me back to the DMV next week. I'll let you know how badly that turns out. Oh yeah, and this Friday I'm playing keyboard for our youth group. I have recently begun to realize how amateur of a musician I really am, and believe me, it ain't pretty. So I have to practice for that.

Lotsa pressure from lotsa different places. AT LEAST my dad didn't rip into me for failing the road test. Growing up with a Chinese dad, you kind of expect to get ripped into if you don't pass a test the best anyone possibly can. Nope, not just a stereotype. Lots of parents (not just Chinese) have high expectations of their kids, soooo I'm hoping at least one of you are feeling me here.

Ever get that feeling that you're being crushed by a boulder, very slowly? Like, at first it hurts so bad, then after a while you get used to it, and then suddenly there's more pressure and you feel like you're going to break apart into millions of tiny pieces 'cause you can't handle it. Then you get used to that too. But just when you get used to it, more pressure hits you. Or maybe you get a small break, a little bit of relief from the pressure for a little while. But when you come back to it, the pressure's there, and worse now. You feel like it shouldn't be, it's the same pressure you've always had, but it's still heavy, it still hurts, and you're still scared to death it'll crush you and you'll be that person. You know that one, the one who has no direction, failed when they tried and could never regain their footing, the one who "never amounted to anything even though they had so much potential."

Well... enough with the pity party, babe. I come against that fear, that lie, in the name of Jesus. You and me are gonna get through this, the situations we're going through are temporary, and I promise you that we will prove those lies wrong and achieve those dreams God put deep inside of our hearts. We just gotta keep going, keep pushing through, never give up, and have faith in God that He'll bring us through this path He set our feet on.

Love you guys. Keep your chins up. God bless.

--Sonya <3

The End of 2015, Looking Ahead to 2016

Wow, guys. Another year's gone by, where'd the time go? It's like time keeps speeding up, at least for me. Although on one hand it won't slow down, on the other it feels really weird that I'm not studying for anything at the moment and I want time to speed up so I can start studying again (my mom won't let me, she said I needed a break sooo guess who's impatiently waiting for Monday? Weird, right? I just wanna get everything over with and done so I can move on past college, haha).

I hope your 2015 was good. Mine had its ups and downs. Major ups and downs haha. Met some cool people, had to say goodbye to some cool people, still not so good at saying goodbye.

I'm not sure I'll ever be good at saying goodbye. I don't know, I just can't. It's always "See ya later." Like, I can't accept finality or something, that I'm never going to see someone again. I can't wrap my head around the concept that I won't see someone ever again, won't be able to talk to someone again. This world's big, but it's not that big, and with God all things are possible, so...

Anyways. I learned a lot in 2015. I'm not Supergirl, for one. I'm human, which means my body and my mind break down if I push them too hard. So, breaks are, unfortunately, mandatory.

Yes, I've finally started to develop an "WHO NEEDS BREAKS I HAVE WORK TO DO" attitude. It's about stinking time haha. I use my free time to either watch Anime, movies with the fam, chill out, or sleep. Oh, and play my guitar. Who knew practicing every day could make you develop calluses on your fingertips, even after you've been playing for years? Well, now I know how the great guitarists of today and yesterday became great.

Another thing I learned in 2015: I'm an idiot. I know very, very, very little about how life and the world works and what my place in it is. I don't know much about anything, and what I do not about something I've only barely scratched the surface.

If this scares you, believe me, it scares me too. But on the bright side... that means there's still more for me to discover. Even if someone else has already figured it out, that doesn't mean we can't figure it out too. And who knows, maybe you or I will figure it out even better.

So, sayonara 2015. It's been swell. Crazy. Ridiculous. Ayo. Stupid. Sad. Happy. Funny.

I won't say it's been a great year, 'cause only parts were great, other parts were bittersweet, and then downright bitter, in the dumps, a struggle to survive and claw my way out of the mess I either created myself, imagined myself into, or that others threw at me. I look back at the year and think, man. I came pretty far this past year, thank God. I look forwards at this new year and think, aya, I got a long way to go. 2015 was hectic, messy, hilarious, and sometimes downright miserable. But, in the words of Stitch, "Is still good. Yeah. Still good."

I hope you guys had a good year, and are having a good winter break. God bless ya. Drive safe. Love ya.

--Sonya :) <3

P.S. "See you, on the other side." No, that's not an Adele reference, it's an Emporer's New Groove reference. :P :D

A 'Less Than a Week Before Christmas' Post

Here's a poem for you guys.

T'was the week before Christmas,
And all through my house,
Everyone was laughing and enjoying break,
While I sat in my room contemplating my fate,
See I have one last paper to finish,
Shouldn't be too hard, right?
Unfortunately, it's a proposal you see,
And I have no idea what I'm doing,
I want to submit it half-finished,
Just be done with it and not care
But sadly you see, I'm unfortunately me,
And my parents would probably freak,
So right now I'm just sitting here,
wondering what to do,
I should probably go ask my dad for help,
but I don't really want to,
'Cause see when I asked him earlier,
I thought I had an epiphany
I thought, "Finally I know what to do,"
But now that plan and all words escape me,
So what will I do today?
Will I finally finish English 2?
Or will I just stare in despair at this assignment
And drink coffee enough to kill a kangaroo?

Okay, enough procrastinating. Pray for me, guys, the struggle is too real right now.

For those of you who're done with finals... CONGRATS NOW GO ENJOY YOUR CHRISTMAS/ WINTER BREAK. Everybody else in the same boat as me (which is probably barely anyone at all)... we will get through this together. Just hang on. You'll be okay. You can do this.

God bless ya. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. :)

--Sonya

After Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Post

When I posted about how I was thankful for certain things, I neglected to add something.

No, someone.

Several someones.

We'll call them Joe, Cassie and Brent.

We don't talk anymore much at all. But good grief. I'm writing an Illustration essay that illustrates what I think makes a true friend. And man.

You know I listen to music while I write a lot, right? Well, Those Nights by Skillet... Writing about what a true friend is... and man the tears and the memories just start flowing back.

I don't even know if 'Joe,' 'Cassie' and 'Brent' even read this blog. But I just wanted to give them a completely indirect shout out before I go back to trying to write this essay and try not to break down.

You guys meant the world to me. You still do. I would not be here if God hadn't put you in my life. I really wouldn't. I mean, I would no longer be on Earth. For real. You guys were the Light of Jesus to me. My shoulders to cry on, my confidantes, my best friends, my outlets to vent to, the people who believed in me, smacked me over the head, gave me a reality check, loved me when I was unlovable, cared when I thought nobody would or could, listened when nobody else did, called me Shorty when I hated it and made me your armrests.

I actually didn't mind it. 'Brent,' bro, you are the one person I don't mind being an armrest for. 'Joe,' man, we went through so much together. 'Cassie,' we have fought over the stupidest things and I am so glad you still stuck with me.

Some of us are separated by states. Some, by a few suburbs. But no matter the distance, we still made it. 'Cassie,' you've been by me the longest. Seen us both grow up into strong young women (though I'm positive you're stronger than me). We're both busy, but if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. 'Brent,' you were there at my darkest, and I was there for yours. We made it this far, bro. Let's both keep chasing our dreams. And 'Joe,' bro, we were ridiculous. Still are.

I'm honored, privileged, thankful to have called you three my friends. No matter how far we drift apart, if I never see you three again, just know that you made me who I am and I am so thankful to God for making you guys. I'll always remember you. I'll never quit praying for you guys.

I love you crazy people. :) <3

--Sonya

Happy Thanksgiving Ever'body!!!! :D

Well, shoot, guys. It's Thanksgiving Day.

And you know what that means, right?

Food. Foooooooood. Being thankful for everything.

Did I mention the food?

You know... It also means we're close to December.

I am not mentally prepared for that. But hey, NOW all you Christmas fanatics can crank up your Christmas tunes and I can't complain 'cause yo, 'tis the season, eh?

Anyways. Since it's Thanksgiving, I'll talk a bit about what I'm thankful for. If you wanna tell me what you're thankful for then you can comment below. :)

I'm thankful for people. Friends. Family. People who've stuck by me through thick and thin. My home. My ridiculously messy room (hey, if I have a room that can be a mess, it means that I'm blessed. See what I did there? ;), and my ridiculously beautiful guitar (okay. More like guitars. And the piano. And every other instrument we have in the house. Life of a musical family: airs every day all day at my house). I'm thankful for music, for dreams, for hope, for the ability to keep pressing on when the going gets tough, for God who put into me something amazing.

I'm not tooting my own horn when I say that. I mean that, if it had not been for the Lord, I would not be here. He gave me hope and strength to keep going, a stubbornness that will not let me give up, and, trust me, when I break down and nobody else is there to pick up the pieces, He is right there, and He does put me back together.

I'm also thankful for you, the person reading this. Honestly, if this blog wasn't being read, I'd probably still write anyways, just to get my voice out into the huge cyber world. But since it is being read, even a little bit, I'm glad that you take time to read about my rants and dreams and random stuff that finds its way out through my fingertips and into the cyber world. Communication is how two beings can connect with each other, and even though I may not have met you in person and may never meet you in person, we still connected in a little way.

You're precious. Don't ever forget that.

I hope you guys have a very happy Thanksgiving. :)

Love ya!

--Sonya :) <3

How is it November Already...?

So, guys. It is November. In fact, the first week of November is almost over.

How did this happen?

Like, seriously. Just last week I was sick, had this hoooorrrriiibbllleeee sinus infection thing, and tryna celebrate New Years Eve in 2014. Just yesterday I was in Oklahoma City, trying not to die from heat and having the best time of my life with my youth group at NAYC'15.

And now... Um... Now it's November 2015.

Like, WHAT. HAPPENED. TO. THE. YEAR?!

Well, I don't know for you, but obviously this year flew by for me. I have been busy. Like, really busy. Like, you wouldn't think I was super busy, but I was. And this Fall term has seriously been busy. I mean, I started out doing 7 hours of study every day, and I do roughly that much now, but the amount of information I have to take in is crazy, not to mention all of the papers I have to write. Haha. And then there's also church stuff, guitar lessons for 3 hours every Saturday, and then my youngest brother looking up at me with his big brown eyes and too-cute baby face to ask, "Wanna play Halo? System link?? Puuuhhhllleeeaaaassseeeee?!?!?!?!"

That is a face that is close to impossible to say no to, and it hurts even the hardest of hearts to say no and see the sad look of disappointment that casts a cloud over his entire world.

Okay, I'm exaggerating a little. But not much! Besides, do you have any idea how much shooting aliens and blowing stuff up can let off steam? Yes, you do.

Anyways. Boys and girls, learn how to study before you get into college, it'll save you a lot of time and a lot of tears will not be shed. Also, learn how to write a good essay and use MLA citations, that'll also save you lots of tears and late nights. :)

Well, I gotta go. God bless you guys! Love ya!

'Jana!

--Sonya :)

It's is FAAAALLLLL GUUYYYSSSS!!!! \(^_^)/

Pumpkin spice lattes are out, the leaves are finally starting to turn yellow and orange, it isn't so hot outside anymore, and people are finally starting to cover up.

Hallelujah, shando to the last part, man.

Anyways, fall is one of my favorite times of year. Because everything's dying.

Let me explain this a little bit so you don't think I'm a freaky weirdo.

Technically, nothing is dying. Not really. I mean, I guess you could say that everything is dying, things are turning brown and stuff, and life doesn't last forever. But what I mean is, everything's getting ready for the next round of life. It's like a time of closure. Summer was crazy, and things keep getting crazier, but autumn, when you just sit back for a second, look up at the sky and breathe in the smell of moist earth, hear the sound of crunchy leaves under your feet, it's like...

Ahh. You know?

Sometimes in life, we go through an autumn. Green things that were once yielding fruit are starting to turn brown and die. Stuff is getting picked off. Things are getting harvested and stored away for the cold times.

Sometimes, you feel like a tree that's dying.

Here's some good news for you: You're not dying. You're going into hibernation. It'll get cold, your tree might not look so pretty anymore, and you won't be producing any fruit, but it's so you can store up enough nutrients for the next growing season.

You might not be where you think you need to be. But hey, the sapling needs time to grow and mature before it can bare fruit. The mature, fruit-bearing trees (which includes fruit and nut trees, guys, not just the apple and orange and peach trees) need a break too. You'll get there eventually. Allow yourself to take a break from constantly producing for other people's benefit. A tree's purpose isn't solely to produce fruit for others, it's also to keep itself healthy and growing.

Happy 1st Day of Autumn, guys. :) God bless!!

Love you guys. :) <3

--Sonya :D