So, my birthday recently passed. It was pretty great. Got to spend it with some amazing people, and I took a day and just spent it with my family. For the first time in forever (if you sang that in your head, I love you haha) my entire family went out shopping together. We went to Starbucks (drive-thru, haha that was interesting cutting across parking lots and going through all the weird twists and turns just to get to that particular Starbucks), Wal-mart, Goodwill, and then we came home and grilled a buncha different steaks.
Being 19 is basically the same as being 18, except it makes me realize that, HOLY SMOKE DOCTA JONES! Time is flying by. This is my last year of being a 'teenager'. I remember turning 13 and thinking something along the lines of, "Woohoo, I'm finally a teenager, now I'm gonna be all cool and mature and stylish and have great hair and tons of friends and everything's gonna be like all the Disney movies and tv shows I've seen about how being a teenager works!"
Yeah, nope. Not how it worked at all. I mean, there was definitely a ton of drama, good 'growing lessons', all that fun jazz, but there were also some RIDICULOUS transitions. I mean, I got into Japanese anime and Korean dramas, for crying out loud! And then I decided, hey I think I can learn these languages! (Progress is still kinda slow, but I'm proud to say that sometimes, I don't need the subtitles to know what they're saying, and I actually catch translation errors every once in a while! :D) I realized that I really like to write, but I don't always like to finish what I start. I learned that crying is okay. I learned that some friends come and go, and some stay constantly by your side, even when they're not physically by your side. People have my back, some don't, and having it together ain't always having it together. Sometimes, God and music are my only companions, and feeling/being 'incomplete' is actually okay. Haha, for the first time in my life, (thanks to Thousand Foot Krutch and their song 'Incomplete' haha) I actually feel like, even though life's not what I thought it should be, and I'm 19 and I feel totally inadequate to tackle the future ('cause it's always on Life's terms, never on mine), that that's actually okay.
That's right. Not having life figured out, not knowing what you're s'posed to do, not being 'complete', that is okay. When life, people, stuff, everything just cuts you down and stabs a knife into your side, you may be bleeding but you're not dead yet. You've fallen flat on your face and you don't have the strength to get back up? Either lie there until you do regain your strength, or crawl. You're not dying today, soldier. Too much is on the line.
Yes, there's gonna be a ton of doubts. Lot's of failures. Lots of pain. It's what we do, we're human, we doubt, we fail, we get hurt, but all of that should just drive us to fight harder. You're bleeding? Bandage yourself up, babe, and keep running. They stabbed you in the back? Forgive and move on. You're incomplete? Everybody is, sweetheart. Everybody's got this God-sized whole inside of them, and most of the time they try everything except God to fill it up, but hey, if you've stumbled on this blog for the first time, here's some info: There's this amazing God who created this entire universe, balanced everything in it, and decided that, hey, this universe needs a YOU in it. He knew we'd mess up, so He made a way by taking on the same kind of flesh you and I have and dying on a cross to repair the bridge that we burnt down.
I know life's hard. I know we got problems, you got problems, you got issues man. I know saying 'move on,' 'forgive and forget,' 'get over it,' all that stuff sometimes doesn't help because what happened hurts. It's hard to do any of that. It feels like people are just completely bypassing every pain and hurt and they're just leaving you high and dry with pretty words that run like water through your fingers. But trust me when I say, if love can cover my sins, if God's blood can cover anyone's sins, then His blood can cover yours. He can literally get inside of your very core and heal the pain you've concealed from everyone else. By the grace of God, you can forgive and forget, you can move on, you can get over it because dude, we're more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
Overcoming doesn't mean you get it right the first time. It means you were knocked down, but you kept trying.
So bro. Sis. Kid. Adult. Human. You. Don't. Stop. Trying. Reach for the stars. Run that race. Achieve your dreams, one step at a time. Go for it. Find God in the madness. Don't stop living, don't stop breathing, don't stop believing, don't stop trying to do what you feel called to do. Nobody else can do what you can. Nobody else can live your life. You're a unique, beautiful spark of life that will achieve the impossible if you let it turn into a flame. Don't snuff it out before it's even started, and don't stomp out the smoke when it doesn't work out how you thought. Keep breathing on it. Find more wood. Get creative. You know what'cha gotta do. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your weekend. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
IYC'16: The Things I Learned
Life is full of new experiences. It's got a lot of good stuff and bad stuff. Pain is part of it.
I can just about guarantee that everyone knows what pain feels like. The physical pain of growing, the mental pain of studying, the spiritual pain of someone you trusted either stabbing you in the back or leaving you when you need them the most.
Those are just some examples of pain.
IYC'16 taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that, no matter what I'm feeling or what everyone else is doing, God can still speak. He can still move, despite everything that's going on. He's not hindered by our problems, by the things that happen, by the people who hurt us. If we expect something from Him, whether it's an answer to a question, a healing in our body, a miracle in our lives, He is not only more than able to do it, but even if it's just a tiny bit of faith that we have, a little bit of hope, He'll perform exactly what we need to keep going. If it's a short and simple, "Wait," or someone being in the right place at the right time, or whatever, He'll do what needs to be done. He'll keep you alive and give you hope even when all you want to do is die. He'll heal your body exactly when you need it, He'll perform a miracle that blows your mind and makes you break down in tears because you realize God hears you, He knows you, and He loves you.
People aren't perfect. Yes, they'll cut you, they'll tear you down, they'll leave. But the pain they've caused you doesn't have to hinder what God wants to do in your life. It's all up to you.
When you get down on your knees and pray, really seeking God, that's where Heaven and Earth intersect. That's where right now and eternity meet, and it's up to you what happens after that.
If it's relationship problems, He'll either show you which ones you need to let go of or show you how to heal those broken relationships. He is active in our lives, even when we can't see it. Darkness may surround us, and we may feel like we're choking, that there is no hope, but He has a plan through it all. You just gotta hold on to your faith in Him, hope for tomorrow, and when that doesn't seem like enough, just cry out to Him through the night and He'll give you what you need to keep going.
God bless you guys. <3
--Sonya
I can just about guarantee that everyone knows what pain feels like. The physical pain of growing, the mental pain of studying, the spiritual pain of someone you trusted either stabbing you in the back or leaving you when you need them the most.
Those are just some examples of pain.
IYC'16 taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that, no matter what I'm feeling or what everyone else is doing, God can still speak. He can still move, despite everything that's going on. He's not hindered by our problems, by the things that happen, by the people who hurt us. If we expect something from Him, whether it's an answer to a question, a healing in our body, a miracle in our lives, He is not only more than able to do it, but even if it's just a tiny bit of faith that we have, a little bit of hope, He'll perform exactly what we need to keep going. If it's a short and simple, "Wait," or someone being in the right place at the right time, or whatever, He'll do what needs to be done. He'll keep you alive and give you hope even when all you want to do is die. He'll heal your body exactly when you need it, He'll perform a miracle that blows your mind and makes you break down in tears because you realize God hears you, He knows you, and He loves you.
People aren't perfect. Yes, they'll cut you, they'll tear you down, they'll leave. But the pain they've caused you doesn't have to hinder what God wants to do in your life. It's all up to you.
When you get down on your knees and pray, really seeking God, that's where Heaven and Earth intersect. That's where right now and eternity meet, and it's up to you what happens after that.
If it's relationship problems, He'll either show you which ones you need to let go of or show you how to heal those broken relationships. He is active in our lives, even when we can't see it. Darkness may surround us, and we may feel like we're choking, that there is no hope, but He has a plan through it all. You just gotta hold on to your faith in Him, hope for tomorrow, and when that doesn't seem like enough, just cry out to Him through the night and He'll give you what you need to keep going.
God bless you guys. <3
--Sonya
Monday, March 14, 2016
Scum or Dung, You Still Got a Purpose
When you're about as fine as green coffee beans but you keep smiling. If you don't know what I'm talking about with the green coffee beans, go buy a bag of unroasted coffee beans and try chewing on one. You might break a tooth. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Easiest way to explain this feeling? I'm under a lot of pressure, again, and I'm not exactly handling it well. I have a Bible Quizzing tournament this Saturday, two +400 page textbooks I need to basically have memorized for their corresponding tests I have to take before April 24th, or else I'll have to take these $1000 equivalent courses.
But it's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. Nothing a good heart-to-heart conversation over Facebook with my BFFLAA 'Cassandra', a bit of 'vision-casting', shall we say, and some introspection and prayer can't fix.
I feel like, every now and again, I hit these walls, or cliffs, that I don't know how to climb over. I stare at them, try to jump over them, try to jump and grab the top, but I miss it over and over again and end up hitting the ground hard, lying on my back, all bruised up, weak and broken, dreams lying shattered at my feet and ideas as dead as flies that stink up the ointment in Ecclesiastes 10:1.
Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.
If you've read my previous posts, I think it's safe for you to assume that I'm good at falling into these 'pits of despair' and eventually figuring out how to get out of them. I can't write a sad song without ending it on a slightly hopeful note. I can't write a blog post without trying to be encouraging at some point. It's a cliche, I know, but there's already enough negativity in the world without me adding to it.
Man, that's a hard sentence to type and take in. It's that kind of thinking that can lead to suicide, or wanting to commit it. "Other people got it worse than I do." That doesn't solve the problem. You still feel like the scum of the earth, and remembering that other people have it way worse than you do doesn't help, in fact, it just makes you feel even lower because now you feel guilty about how bad you feel.
Take a deep breath. Now, just because you feel like the scum of the earth, like you're dung, or even lower than dung, that doesn't mean you don't have a purpose. Just because you don't know what your purpose is, that doesn't mean you don't have one. The scum of the earth has a very specific ecological niche, if you will, a very specific 'purpose' in the cycle of life. Scum cleans up and converts nasty junk into something that'll help our planet continue to survive. Dung, well, there's a reason farmers use manure to fertilize their fields. Dung helps things grow. Helps make the ground more fertile, so food can grow, so we can continue living, so the Earth can continue to thrive. Dung stinks, but it helps the most beautiful things to grow strong.
So if you feel like dung, maybe your purpose is to help other people to grow stronger, to grow into their own beautiful existences. If you feel like scum, maybe your job is to convert junk into something useful. You have a niche, even if you haven't figured out what it is. This wall that you've hit, this sheer cliff you're staring up at, will not confine you forever. It'll force you to get stronger so that one day, when you jump again, even if it's the umpteen-millionth time, your fingers will close around the side of that wall, the edge of that cliff, and you'll haul yourself up over the side of that obstacle that withstood you for so long, and you'll continue on to the next plain of the existence we call your life.
We're both staring those walls and cliffs down. And I've got faith that we'll slay them one day. And I mean slay them. You and I, we'll climb, we'll jump, we'll fall, we'll fail, we'll hurt, we'll cry, and we'll get back up and keep trying until we've finally made it. Don't give up. Don't quit. I believe in you. God believes in you. You're gonna make it through this, and overcome it so completely even you'll be surprised.
God bless ya. Have a good week. Love you guys. Fighting!
Oyasumi, min'na-san!
--Sonya :) <3
Easiest way to explain this feeling? I'm under a lot of pressure, again, and I'm not exactly handling it well. I have a Bible Quizzing tournament this Saturday, two +400 page textbooks I need to basically have memorized for their corresponding tests I have to take before April 24th, or else I'll have to take these $1000 equivalent courses.
But it's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. Nothing a good heart-to-heart conversation over Facebook with my BFFLAA 'Cassandra', a bit of 'vision-casting', shall we say, and some introspection and prayer can't fix.
I feel like, every now and again, I hit these walls, or cliffs, that I don't know how to climb over. I stare at them, try to jump over them, try to jump and grab the top, but I miss it over and over again and end up hitting the ground hard, lying on my back, all bruised up, weak and broken, dreams lying shattered at my feet and ideas as dead as flies that stink up the ointment in Ecclesiastes 10:1.
Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.
If you've read my previous posts, I think it's safe for you to assume that I'm good at falling into these 'pits of despair' and eventually figuring out how to get out of them. I can't write a sad song without ending it on a slightly hopeful note. I can't write a blog post without trying to be encouraging at some point. It's a cliche, I know, but there's already enough negativity in the world without me adding to it.
Man, that's a hard sentence to type and take in. It's that kind of thinking that can lead to suicide, or wanting to commit it. "Other people got it worse than I do." That doesn't solve the problem. You still feel like the scum of the earth, and remembering that other people have it way worse than you do doesn't help, in fact, it just makes you feel even lower because now you feel guilty about how bad you feel.
Take a deep breath. Now, just because you feel like the scum of the earth, like you're dung, or even lower than dung, that doesn't mean you don't have a purpose. Just because you don't know what your purpose is, that doesn't mean you don't have one. The scum of the earth has a very specific ecological niche, if you will, a very specific 'purpose' in the cycle of life. Scum cleans up and converts nasty junk into something that'll help our planet continue to survive. Dung, well, there's a reason farmers use manure to fertilize their fields. Dung helps things grow. Helps make the ground more fertile, so food can grow, so we can continue living, so the Earth can continue to thrive. Dung stinks, but it helps the most beautiful things to grow strong.
So if you feel like dung, maybe your purpose is to help other people to grow stronger, to grow into their own beautiful existences. If you feel like scum, maybe your job is to convert junk into something useful. You have a niche, even if you haven't figured out what it is. This wall that you've hit, this sheer cliff you're staring up at, will not confine you forever. It'll force you to get stronger so that one day, when you jump again, even if it's the umpteen-millionth time, your fingers will close around the side of that wall, the edge of that cliff, and you'll haul yourself up over the side of that obstacle that withstood you for so long, and you'll continue on to the next plain of the existence we call your life.
We're both staring those walls and cliffs down. And I've got faith that we'll slay them one day. And I mean slay them. You and I, we'll climb, we'll jump, we'll fall, we'll fail, we'll hurt, we'll cry, and we'll get back up and keep trying until we've finally made it. Don't give up. Don't quit. I believe in you. God believes in you. You're gonna make it through this, and overcome it so completely even you'll be surprised.
God bless ya. Have a good week. Love you guys. Fighting!
Oyasumi, min'na-san!
--Sonya :) <3
Friday, February 26, 2016
Update On Life, 'Cause Why Not?
My mother informed me yesterday that we were expecting a blizzard. Like, lotsa snow, that kind of thing.
It was snowing, and I was like, "YAAAYYY IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Well, that, and, "The Lord hears the cry of His people," teehee.
I like snow. I grew up in MN, we had tons of it, all the time, with sub-zero temperatures being normal for roughly September/October to March-early April in some cases. Once, it even snowed in May. That was kinda pretty actually, everything was white accented by green.
Rainy days, snowy days, overcast days, I don't know what it is about them but I love it. I think it has to do with the idea of the newness of life. We change the way we dress, our hair goes bonkers, and we just do different things during that kind of weather. I can sit next to a window or go outside and watch the rain fall, and it feels like everything I worry about, my life, my problems, all of it can just be washed away by the rain, and I can be completely calm. I feel like that even during thunderstorms, thunder's booming, lightning's streaking through the sky like an angry scar that illuminates everything for a split second, and the rain is hitting the ground like life depends on it.
And then there's snow. Usually, unless it's extremely windy or something, snow hits the ground, and everything is silent. The world's about to be covered in a white blanket of tiny ice crystals, and it's all completely silent. And you just kind of want to sit there in awe as the world silently turns blindingly white.
It's also kinda fun to stare at snow when it's dark out, and the light hits it just right. Take a walk some time when it's like that, you feel like you're walking on diamonds. It's, by far, one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
In other news, I got an A in my Social Psychology course. Another down, three more Gen Ed courses to go, and then I'm gonna be taking Liberty classes, and then I'll have my BS in Crisis Counseling!
I'll just be happy when I'm done with school, honestly.
Life can be ridiculous. It can get you down, and it's not even the devil attacking you sometimes, it's just life being life and you being you, and it knocks you over and you're lying on your back going, "What just happened?" It's cliche to say but, you don't have to let it keep you down. If you can't get up right now, don't try, just lie there and stare up at the sky. Take a breath and get lost in the sheer vastness of reality. And then, later, when you're charged up, get back up and get back in the fight. Life can knock you down, but it won't keep you down. Like TobyMac said, "It's never too late to get back up again, you may be knocked down but not out forever." :)
Love you guys. God bless.
--Sonya :) <3
It was snowing, and I was like, "YAAAYYY IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Well, that, and, "The Lord hears the cry of His people," teehee.
I like snow. I grew up in MN, we had tons of it, all the time, with sub-zero temperatures being normal for roughly September/October to March-early April in some cases. Once, it even snowed in May. That was kinda pretty actually, everything was white accented by green.
Rainy days, snowy days, overcast days, I don't know what it is about them but I love it. I think it has to do with the idea of the newness of life. We change the way we dress, our hair goes bonkers, and we just do different things during that kind of weather. I can sit next to a window or go outside and watch the rain fall, and it feels like everything I worry about, my life, my problems, all of it can just be washed away by the rain, and I can be completely calm. I feel like that even during thunderstorms, thunder's booming, lightning's streaking through the sky like an angry scar that illuminates everything for a split second, and the rain is hitting the ground like life depends on it.
And then there's snow. Usually, unless it's extremely windy or something, snow hits the ground, and everything is silent. The world's about to be covered in a white blanket of tiny ice crystals, and it's all completely silent. And you just kind of want to sit there in awe as the world silently turns blindingly white.
It's also kinda fun to stare at snow when it's dark out, and the light hits it just right. Take a walk some time when it's like that, you feel like you're walking on diamonds. It's, by far, one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
In other news, I got an A in my Social Psychology course. Another down, three more Gen Ed courses to go, and then I'm gonna be taking Liberty classes, and then I'll have my BS in Crisis Counseling!
I'll just be happy when I'm done with school, honestly.
Life can be ridiculous. It can get you down, and it's not even the devil attacking you sometimes, it's just life being life and you being you, and it knocks you over and you're lying on your back going, "What just happened?" It's cliche to say but, you don't have to let it keep you down. If you can't get up right now, don't try, just lie there and stare up at the sky. Take a breath and get lost in the sheer vastness of reality. And then, later, when you're charged up, get back up and get back in the fight. Life can knock you down, but it won't keep you down. Like TobyMac said, "It's never too late to get back up again, you may be knocked down but not out forever." :)
Love you guys. God bless.
--Sonya :) <3
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Random Thoughts Post :)
Sooo today my brothers and sisters and I have established two fantastic things:
#1. My sister looks really pretty when she smiles and laughs.
#2. I look like a witch when I laugh. (o.0)
Like I said. Fantastic.
Actually, it's hilarious, I grabbed a hat and she grabbed a broom and my brother (who has this really weird kinda gasping/cackling laugh) said, "I'll be your laugh!" and we then proceeded to laugh our heads off while I tried to ride the broom around and Frank did his laugh on command.
It's okay. I know. Say it. "You guys are weeeeiirrrddd." I completely agree.
School's going well. For once I'm not like, stressed out about school necessarily. I mean, not like I was last year, last year was a nightmare tryna get those 6 stinking credits for Intro to Philosophy and English Comp 2.
Thank God that's over, like gaaahhh haha.
Oh yeah. We're on Day 3 of our Daniel Fast+Media Fast. I don't count this blog as media because it's like a diary entry that the entire world can see, and I don't usually read my blog religiously like I would check my Facebook (yeah, Facebook is being fasted from, and it's already alerted me that I have 10 notifications, 3 group updates, and 21 new messages. WHO IS MESSAGING ME?!?! is kinda on my mind right now, like, whoa guys I'm sorry I shoulda left a note on my status that I wasn't gonna be on it for three weeks, oops). I'm definitely missing meat right now, and trying to figure out what's actually 'sugar' and what isn't (seriously, like, are we counting high fructose corn syrup and sucralose and all that junk that's way worse than sugar? Not gonna freak out if we are or aren't, I just wanna make sure I'm conforming to what the rest of the church is doing so we'll be all nice and unified together) is a bit annoying haha. I'm kind of wondering how many people have already lost like, 5 lbs from just cutting out sugar too. Seriously, if you wanna lose weight, cut sugar outta your diet. My pastor put it this way once, talking about a guy he met who'd lost like, 300 lbs or so in 3 years: "Everybody else was saying yes, but I said no." Profound, right? Just say no to sugar and stick to it. Trust me, if my pastor's nine-year-old daughter can say no to sugar for 3 weeks, you can too.
So yeah. If you got my number and need me, text me. If you don't, I will reply to comments.
My pastor told me something else kind of profound the other day. The situation I'm in will change because I will change. I'll grow up, I'll figure this stuff out, and the situation will change because I've changed. The people in the situations I face may not change, but the situation, on my side at least, will change because I will choose to change. I choose to change myself, use self-control to keep from punching people (yes, I am a Christian, and yes, I've wanted to punch people before because I'm also human and we've all found other humans to be extraordinarily aggravating at one time or another to the point where punching them, while it may not help the problem, would still be quite satisfying), I'm still learning how to forgive and not hold stuff against others, and at the end of the day, it's me and my own behavior and relationship with God that I can work on. If other people change their behavior too, then that's great. I don't need to worry about it. Worrying'll just give me a headache, a stomachache, and unnecessary heartache too.
That was a really long way of saying, I can change, you can change, and the thing you wanna change will change if you choose to change.
You guys are great. Hope this year brings new change, new life, and new hope. Our lives are all stories. In the word of the Doctor, "Make it a good one, eh?" :)
God bless!! Have a great rest of your week!! Love ya!!
--Sonya :) <3
#1. My sister looks really pretty when she smiles and laughs.
#2. I look like a witch when I laugh. (o.0)
Like I said. Fantastic.
Actually, it's hilarious, I grabbed a hat and she grabbed a broom and my brother (who has this really weird kinda gasping/cackling laugh) said, "I'll be your laugh!" and we then proceeded to laugh our heads off while I tried to ride the broom around and Frank did his laugh on command.
It's okay. I know. Say it. "You guys are weeeeiirrrddd." I completely agree.
School's going well. For once I'm not like, stressed out about school necessarily. I mean, not like I was last year, last year was a nightmare tryna get those 6 stinking credits for Intro to Philosophy and English Comp 2.
Thank God that's over, like gaaahhh haha.
Oh yeah. We're on Day 3 of our Daniel Fast+Media Fast. I don't count this blog as media because it's like a diary entry that the entire world can see, and I don't usually read my blog religiously like I would check my Facebook (yeah, Facebook is being fasted from, and it's already alerted me that I have 10 notifications, 3 group updates, and 21 new messages. WHO IS MESSAGING ME?!?! is kinda on my mind right now, like, whoa guys I'm sorry I shoulda left a note on my status that I wasn't gonna be on it for three weeks, oops). I'm definitely missing meat right now, and trying to figure out what's actually 'sugar' and what isn't (seriously, like, are we counting high fructose corn syrup and sucralose and all that junk that's way worse than sugar? Not gonna freak out if we are or aren't, I just wanna make sure I'm conforming to what the rest of the church is doing so we'll be all nice and unified together) is a bit annoying haha. I'm kind of wondering how many people have already lost like, 5 lbs from just cutting out sugar too. Seriously, if you wanna lose weight, cut sugar outta your diet. My pastor put it this way once, talking about a guy he met who'd lost like, 300 lbs or so in 3 years: "Everybody else was saying yes, but I said no." Profound, right? Just say no to sugar and stick to it. Trust me, if my pastor's nine-year-old daughter can say no to sugar for 3 weeks, you can too.
So yeah. If you got my number and need me, text me. If you don't, I will reply to comments.
My pastor told me something else kind of profound the other day. The situation I'm in will change because I will change. I'll grow up, I'll figure this stuff out, and the situation will change because I've changed. The people in the situations I face may not change, but the situation, on my side at least, will change because I will choose to change. I choose to change myself, use self-control to keep from punching people (yes, I am a Christian, and yes, I've wanted to punch people before because I'm also human and we've all found other humans to be extraordinarily aggravating at one time or another to the point where punching them, while it may not help the problem, would still be quite satisfying), I'm still learning how to forgive and not hold stuff against others, and at the end of the day, it's me and my own behavior and relationship with God that I can work on. If other people change their behavior too, then that's great. I don't need to worry about it. Worrying'll just give me a headache, a stomachache, and unnecessary heartache too.
That was a really long way of saying, I can change, you can change, and the thing you wanna change will change if you choose to change.
You guys are great. Hope this year brings new change, new life, and new hope. Our lives are all stories. In the word of the Doctor, "Make it a good one, eh?" :)
God bless!! Have a great rest of your week!! Love ya!!
--Sonya :) <3
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
First Post of 2016... And Life's Still a Mess!!!!
It's 2016. People are trying to be like, "New year, new me," like they do every year, but honestly, they don't. It's a new year, but people are still the same old selves they were back in 2015, you know what I mean?
Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine. Like, you say you're gonna do this, so why don't you actually do it? Leave behind all that junk in 2015.
I know it's harder than that. But you'd think they'd at least try for like, a month.
I am still a mess. I have a Bible Quizzing Tournament in a week and a half, I have to study for a big UExcel exam (which is like a glorified CLEP, more in depth, etc.), I have a new Statistics course (and we all know how well the last one went, check earlier posts), and I failed the road test for my driver's license. Um, my mom thinks I can become an amazing driver in a week and wants to take me back to the DMV next week. I'll let you know how badly that turns out. Oh yeah, and this Friday I'm playing keyboard for our youth group. I have recently begun to realize how amateur of a musician I really am, and believe me, it ain't pretty. So I have to practice for that.
Lotsa pressure from lotsa different places. AT LEAST my dad didn't rip into me for failing the road test. Growing up with a Chinese dad, you kind of expect to get ripped into if you don't pass a test the best anyone possibly can. Nope, not just a stereotype. Lots of parents (not just Chinese) have high expectations of their kids, soooo I'm hoping at least one of you are feeling me here.
Ever get that feeling that you're being crushed by a boulder, very slowly? Like, at first it hurts so bad, then after a while you get used to it, and then suddenly there's more pressure and you feel like you're going to break apart into millions of tiny pieces 'cause you can't handle it. Then you get used to that too. But just when you get used to it, more pressure hits you. Or maybe you get a small break, a little bit of relief from the pressure for a little while. But when you come back to it, the pressure's there, and worse now. You feel like it shouldn't be, it's the same pressure you've always had, but it's still heavy, it still hurts, and you're still scared to death it'll crush you and you'll be that person. You know that one, the one who has no direction, failed when they tried and could never regain their footing, the one who "never amounted to anything even though they had so much potential."
Well... enough with the pity party, babe. I come against that fear, that lie, in the name of Jesus. You and me are gonna get through this, the situations we're going through are temporary, and I promise you that we will prove those lies wrong and achieve those dreams God put deep inside of our hearts. We just gotta keep going, keep pushing through, never give up, and have faith in God that He'll bring us through this path He set our feet on.
Love you guys. Keep your chins up. God bless.
--Sonya <3
Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine. Like, you say you're gonna do this, so why don't you actually do it? Leave behind all that junk in 2015.
I know it's harder than that. But you'd think they'd at least try for like, a month.
I am still a mess. I have a Bible Quizzing Tournament in a week and a half, I have to study for a big UExcel exam (which is like a glorified CLEP, more in depth, etc.), I have a new Statistics course (and we all know how well the last one went, check earlier posts), and I failed the road test for my driver's license. Um, my mom thinks I can become an amazing driver in a week and wants to take me back to the DMV next week. I'll let you know how badly that turns out. Oh yeah, and this Friday I'm playing keyboard for our youth group. I have recently begun to realize how amateur of a musician I really am, and believe me, it ain't pretty. So I have to practice for that.
Lotsa pressure from lotsa different places. AT LEAST my dad didn't rip into me for failing the road test. Growing up with a Chinese dad, you kind of expect to get ripped into if you don't pass a test the best anyone possibly can. Nope, not just a stereotype. Lots of parents (not just Chinese) have high expectations of their kids, soooo I'm hoping at least one of you are feeling me here.
Ever get that feeling that you're being crushed by a boulder, very slowly? Like, at first it hurts so bad, then after a while you get used to it, and then suddenly there's more pressure and you feel like you're going to break apart into millions of tiny pieces 'cause you can't handle it. Then you get used to that too. But just when you get used to it, more pressure hits you. Or maybe you get a small break, a little bit of relief from the pressure for a little while. But when you come back to it, the pressure's there, and worse now. You feel like it shouldn't be, it's the same pressure you've always had, but it's still heavy, it still hurts, and you're still scared to death it'll crush you and you'll be that person. You know that one, the one who has no direction, failed when they tried and could never regain their footing, the one who "never amounted to anything even though they had so much potential."
Well... enough with the pity party, babe. I come against that fear, that lie, in the name of Jesus. You and me are gonna get through this, the situations we're going through are temporary, and I promise you that we will prove those lies wrong and achieve those dreams God put deep inside of our hearts. We just gotta keep going, keep pushing through, never give up, and have faith in God that He'll bring us through this path He set our feet on.
Love you guys. Keep your chins up. God bless.
--Sonya <3
Thursday, December 31, 2015
The End of 2015, Looking Ahead to 2016
Wow, guys. Another year's gone by, where'd the time go? It's like time keeps speeding up, at least for me. Although on one hand it won't slow down, on the other it feels really weird that I'm not studying for anything at the moment and I want time to speed up so I can start studying again (my mom won't let me, she said I needed a break sooo guess who's impatiently waiting for Monday? Weird, right? I just wanna get everything over with and done so I can move on past college, haha).
I hope your 2015 was good. Mine had its ups and downs. Major ups and downs haha. Met some cool people, had to say goodbye to some cool people, still not so good at saying goodbye.
I'm not sure I'll ever be good at saying goodbye. I don't know, I just can't. It's always "See ya later." Like, I can't accept finality or something, that I'm never going to see someone again. I can't wrap my head around the concept that I won't see someone ever again, won't be able to talk to someone again. This world's big, but it's not that big, and with God all things are possible, so...
Anyways. I learned a lot in 2015. I'm not Supergirl, for one. I'm human, which means my body and my mind break down if I push them too hard. So, breaks are, unfortunately, mandatory.
Yes, I've finally started to develop an "WHO NEEDS BREAKS I HAVE WORK TO DO" attitude. It's about stinking time haha. I use my free time to either watch Anime, movies with the fam, chill out, or sleep. Oh, and play my guitar. Who knew practicing every day could make you develop calluses on your fingertips, even after you've been playing for years? Well, now I know how the great guitarists of today and yesterday became great.
Another thing I learned in 2015: I'm an idiot. I know very, very, very little about how life and the world works and what my place in it is. I don't know much about anything, and what I do not about something I've only barely scratched the surface.
If this scares you, believe me, it scares me too. But on the bright side... that means there's still more for me to discover. Even if someone else has already figured it out, that doesn't mean we can't figure it out too. And who knows, maybe you or I will figure it out even better.
So, sayonara 2015. It's been swell. Crazy. Ridiculous. Ayo. Stupid. Sad. Happy. Funny.
I won't say it's been a great year, 'cause only parts were great, other parts were bittersweet, and then downright bitter, in the dumps, a struggle to survive and claw my way out of the mess I either created myself, imagined myself into, or that others threw at me. I look back at the year and think, man. I came pretty far this past year, thank God. I look forwards at this new year and think, aya, I got a long way to go. 2015 was hectic, messy, hilarious, and sometimes downright miserable. But, in the words of Stitch, "Is still good. Yeah. Still good."
I hope you guys had a good year, and are having a good winter break. God bless ya. Drive safe. Love ya.
--Sonya :) <3
P.S. "See you, on the other side." No, that's not an Adele reference, it's an Emporer's New Groove reference. :P :D
I hope your 2015 was good. Mine had its ups and downs. Major ups and downs haha. Met some cool people, had to say goodbye to some cool people, still not so good at saying goodbye.
I'm not sure I'll ever be good at saying goodbye. I don't know, I just can't. It's always "See ya later." Like, I can't accept finality or something, that I'm never going to see someone again. I can't wrap my head around the concept that I won't see someone ever again, won't be able to talk to someone again. This world's big, but it's not that big, and with God all things are possible, so...
Anyways. I learned a lot in 2015. I'm not Supergirl, for one. I'm human, which means my body and my mind break down if I push them too hard. So, breaks are, unfortunately, mandatory.
Yes, I've finally started to develop an "WHO NEEDS BREAKS I HAVE WORK TO DO" attitude. It's about stinking time haha. I use my free time to either watch Anime, movies with the fam, chill out, or sleep. Oh, and play my guitar. Who knew practicing every day could make you develop calluses on your fingertips, even after you've been playing for years? Well, now I know how the great guitarists of today and yesterday became great.
Another thing I learned in 2015: I'm an idiot. I know very, very, very little about how life and the world works and what my place in it is. I don't know much about anything, and what I do not about something I've only barely scratched the surface.
If this scares you, believe me, it scares me too. But on the bright side... that means there's still more for me to discover. Even if someone else has already figured it out, that doesn't mean we can't figure it out too. And who knows, maybe you or I will figure it out even better.
So, sayonara 2015. It's been swell. Crazy. Ridiculous. Ayo. Stupid. Sad. Happy. Funny.
I won't say it's been a great year, 'cause only parts were great, other parts were bittersweet, and then downright bitter, in the dumps, a struggle to survive and claw my way out of the mess I either created myself, imagined myself into, or that others threw at me. I look back at the year and think, man. I came pretty far this past year, thank God. I look forwards at this new year and think, aya, I got a long way to go. 2015 was hectic, messy, hilarious, and sometimes downright miserable. But, in the words of Stitch, "Is still good. Yeah. Still good."
I hope you guys had a good year, and are having a good winter break. God bless ya. Drive safe. Love ya.
--Sonya :) <3
P.S. "See you, on the other side." No, that's not an Adele reference, it's an Emporer's New Groove reference. :P :D
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