Live With Regrets

Live with no regrets. That's some people's life motto, and a lot of people excuse to do really stupid things because hey, YOLO.

Live with no regrets? Please. You'll always regret something. Not being bold enough to stand up and correct someone. Not keeping your mouth shut. Not trying harder. Not doing what you should've done. Not doing what you feel like God told you to do that one time, so you missed your chance.

Look. It's impossible to live without regretting something. All you can do is pick yourself back up and keep trying. All you can do is just try harder and try to forgive yourself. Everyone's got regrets, even the people whose life motto is YOLO and 'live with no regrets.' In fact, I'd go so far to say that they especially have regrets, which is why they use those mottos.

"I'm not gonna live with any regrets anymore." Easier said than done, bub. There's always gonna be that split-second decision you gotta make, and you may just end up wondering, "What if I'd done something different?" later because you have time to rethink that split-second decision.

The point of this? Regret isn't a bad thing. Another word for it is 'experience.' Now you know in this particular situation what not to do, or what to do, and I can just about guarantee that you'll be able to use it later.

Living life to the fullest isn't a bad thing, to those of you who've made that your motto. It's just a bit vague. What does 'living life to the fullest' mean? Does it mean I should just randomly buy a longboard and go on a cross-country adventure? Buy an expensive trip to travel the world? Or maybe just study harder? Ask that person out? Move to another job, or state, or country?

I regret a lot of things. I regret not being more honest with people. I regret not studying harder and not studying the way I should've. I regret the time I've wasted on people who only wanted attention. I regret not practicing my guitar harder. I regret not keeping my mouth shut when I should've. I regret not saying some things that I should've. I regret not keeping in touch with some of my best friends who've become strangers. I regret not being more social. I regret letting stuff going on in my life impact the way I treat the people around me.

I'm gonna live with these regrets for the rest of my life. The memories and the pain that each of them hold will probably fade as I get older. I'll look back over my shoulder and boy am I gonna get hit with a ton of regret some days, and other days I'm gonna be glad that I did some of those things. I guess what I'm saying is, you can go ahead and try not to live with any regrets, live life to the fullest, whatever that means to you. You only live this life once. Do it with a sense that you know you're gonna make mistakes and it's okay. Taking life one step at a time isn't always bad. Taking it one bound at a time isn't bad either, just make sure you don't accidentally bound head-first into a tree, or over a cliff.

Could be another regret, but one day you'll look back at it and laugh, 'cause you took the time to learn from that experience. In games, once you get enough experience you level up. In life, you do the same thing, but only if you actually learn from what gave you that life experience.

So pick your head up, live with that regret, forgive yourself, forgive other people, and keep on going. If you keep walking, eventually you'll end up somewhere, and that may be the place where you've been trying to get to all along.

Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your summer.

--Sonya <3

Let's Keep It

So, lots of things have happened. Like, went to Illinois Senior High Camp last week, drove there and back by myself with my brother and sister. Oh yeah, and Sunday we had an incredibly awesome outreach at our church. We'll see how successful it actually was this coming Sunday, but we're all believing that God's gonna do something great in our communities.

To try to adequately describe what's happened to me in the last week would probably take way too long, so I'll try to summarize.

Here's one good summary: I didn't kill anyone when I got home from camp after maybe getting 5 hours of sleep a night, with the annoying routine of waking up once or twice every night 'cause let's face it, camp beds versus our normal beds, our beds usually win. I was exhausted, and I'm still working on recovering haha.

But dude. The power of God touched down at that campground like you would not believe. And it wasn't just an emotional experience either, although there were lots of tears shed and emotions being let out. Something happened at camp that kind of changed the way we think, or at least it changed how I think. And one prayer that keeps popping up in my head is, "God, please help us not to lose what we got at camp."

Yeah, camp's super fun. It's a time to chill out and go nuts, make new friends, get some people's numbers, get sunburnt and tanned, stay up late and laugh 'til your entire body hurts, pray and get in touch with God and get renewed and refreshed in His Spirit, recommit and get confirmation, all that awesome stuff. But it can't end there. You shouldn't just praise God like crazy at camp. You shouldn't just live for God at camp. You shouldn't just allow Him to move and work you over at camp. You gotta take that home with you. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is the same at your home church as He is at camp and convention and congress. And once you realize that and tap into that, you'll literally change the entire atmosphere around you. It'll spread to your church, to your family, to your friends, to your neighborhood, to your youth group, to wherever else you go.

This isn't just a one-week deal God wants with us. He wants an every single day thing. It's our job to live for Him, get in tune with Him, literally bind our wills to His in prayer and get closer to God because, guys, this world's a mess. There are a whole ton of broken people who have lost hope in anything and they're chasing something that'll fill that void inside, and man, you might be their only hope. We gotta open our mouths, quit being an 'in the closet Christian', and actually live out that camp commitment we made with God.

Yeah, we'll all stumble at some point. This road ain't easy. It ain't gonna be a bunch of sunshine and lollipops, but bro, when you see your neighbor or your best friend or your favorite teacher or your uncle or whoever else you been praying for step through that church building's doors, or even the Pearly Gates of Heaven, it'll make all of the things we had to endure worth it. You mess up? Repent, get back up, and keep walking the way you know you're s'posed to walk. You get messed up by someone you tryna witness to? Turn the other cheek, forgive, and keep walking. Keep praying, keep looking for someone to give hope to.

Just a sidenote: It's not your fault if they reject Jesus. If you really tried your best and did what God told you to do, then at the end of the day, it's their decision. If all you could do is plant a small seed, then just stand back and let God do the rest. He works on them, He makes the seed grow, He gives the increase, so it's not all on you. Do your best to say the truth in love, to love and pray for them 'til the day you die, and let God do the rest, friend.

Let's keep what we got at camp. Let's keep what we got at that convention. Let's keep what we got at that youth rally. And let's keep building this momentum until we see it turn into an unstoppable tsunami wave in the spirit.

I love you guys. Continue having a great, fantastic, and hopefully restful summer. :) <3

--Sonya :) <3

Speak Life, Speak Death

Let's get really real for a second.

At some point in your life, someone's words made you die a little inside. Whether it was embarrassing, chilling, or just plain painful to hear, those words made some part of you die.

Now, think about a time when someone told you something, and immediately, the deadness inside of you became alive again. Suddenly, you felt like you were living again. It's hard to explain exactly how that feels, but it is literally like you were dead, and you didn't think you could live again, and suddenly you could feel yourself being revived from the dead.

Like the song says, "Words can build you up, words can bring us down, start a fire in our hearts or put it out." That's why it's important to be careful about what you say. The words you say can speak life into someone, or death.

So 'speak life' is an obvious thing you can take away from this post. Yeah. Don't say something so hurtful to someone that they'd decide to take their own life. You're not responsible for other people's choices, but you are very responsible for your own, and you have an influence over people whether you know it or not.

But here's something else you need to think about when you're tryna 'speak life' into someone: Don't be so caught up in tryna speak life that you speak life to the wrong things. There are something things we should speak death to as well. Death to sin, death to hate, death to insecurity, death to pride, death to depression, death to anxiety, death to unhealthy living.

Don't enable people to do things that you and they know will kill them in the end.

That said, don't kill them with your words, ne? Find a balance. Sometimes you need to cut things open in order to drain the poison, sometimes you need to give some anesthesia before you do it. And sometimes, yes, all that you need to do is wipe the scrape off, put some Neosporin on it and slap a band-aid on that thing. Once you get more in tune with God, which means actually taking the time to get to know Him and building that relationship with Him through prayer, reading your bible, and fasting, you start to get more in tune with people. You start to see the needs, the wounds, and if you listen closely, you'll understand what needs to take place for the healing process to begin/continue.

Humans are not the enemy. Even if they hurt you, even if they call themselves your enemies, they aren't the real enemy. There's something behind their actions, be it pain, stress, demonic forces, or whatever. That's why you gotta pray for them. Bless the people who curse you, because you know God's got your back. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay," saith the Lord (end of Romans 12:19). If you've read the Old Testament, you know that God's wrath is scary to be on the receiving end of. And if you're close to God, you really don't want anyone to be on that receiving end, no matter how badly they hurt you. Yeah, they deserve it. So do you and I. Nobody's faultless. Everyone's sinned. So pray for 'em, do good to 'em, bless 'em, 'cause God loves them and died for them too.

Speak life to bring peace to someone. Speak life to show them that they're loved, and that they have a purpose and a destiny specifically made for them. Speak death to doubt and distrust. Speak life to faith. Speak death to racism and fear of the unknown. Speak life, and speak death, to the right things.

I'm working on this too, so pray that I learn how to do this too. And I'm praying for you guys too. :)

God bless you guys. I love ya. :) <3

--Sonya :)

Just Some More Random Thoughts

Sometimes, God does some weird, crazy stuff. Weird, like, awesome, but when you're in the middle of it it's just weird, you know?

Like, sometimes, you get lyrics or a melody stuck in your head, you write/play it out, and BAM you have this song that doesn't make sense for where you are in life right then. Maybe it's about brokenness. Maybe it's about joy. Maybe it's about growing up. And then later you get to a point in your life where, dude, I needed that song. Like, that song was written by the Me from then for the Me that's now.

It's like when you memorize a verse. Sometimes, those verses in the Bible make absolutely no sense, or they make sense but it's just head-knowledge. Yeah, I know God'll never leave me or forsake me. Yeah, I know He'll bring me through the fire and the water. Yeah, I know He's faithful.

But then you go through some crazy situation and dude, now you know that God will never leave or forsake you. Now, you know He'll bring you through the trials. Now you actually know that He's faithful.

Sometimes, we go through times where we question those promises. You feel numb to the things going on around you, and God seems distant. You're angry, you're lonely, you're unsure about what to do next. Are you making the right decision? Are you doing something that's actually glorifying God? Is what you're doing really going to help take you to where you want to be later in life, or is it all just a big waste of time?

And with those big questions like that, there comes another big question: God, are You actually listening? God, do You care about this dilemma I'm in? How come I can't hear You? Are You speaking? Am I praying hard enough, or are You just not answering me?

Raise your hand if you've done that before. Okay, good, I'm not the only one. Now, raise your hand if you've done that to someone who isn't God. Maybe a sibling, friend, parent, if you have a phone you've more than likely gone through that when they aren't texting back and you're waiting for a wise reply to a tricky question.

There's this thing called trust. You have to have the trust in order to have the relationship. Whether it's a mutual exchange 'business' kind of relationship or a romantic relationship, in order to have any kind of relationship, or to have any kind of transaction, you gotta trust.

People with trust issues: you trust the cashier to give you back your credit card when you hand it to them to pay for something. You trust the ATM to give you money when you punch in the numbers and give it your information. You don't have trust issues, you have people issues, or paranoia, one of the two.

If you have both... just pray. God'll take care of both of those issues.

Anyways, if you say you have 'trust issues' what you really mean is, "Somebody hurt me and because of that, I'm afraid that someone will hurt me again and that's why I'm careful to not open up and be vulnerable." I get it. The pain of allowing someone into your heart, or your life, or into your outer circle, and seeing them treat you like you are worthless, that hurts. You either learn to overcome that and forgive them, allowing them to go free and yourself to take the fall, or you learn to hate and get bitter over that.

The second option's easy, because it involves our idea that 'justice must be done,' that this wrong must be made right.

The first option's hard, because it means you gotta trust that God will make you stand when other people make you fall. It means you need to trust in something higher than yourself. It involves a decision-making process that is incredibly hard to make when everything inside of you screams at you to condemn, judge, kill. Your mind calls for justice, for the blood that they made you spill to be spilled by them.

But God, His Spirit, asks for mercy.

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He gasped that out when He was nailed by his wrists and feet to a splintered, wooden cross. He who did no wrong was falsely accused, condemned, beaten, and nailed. If anyone had a right to cry out for justice to be done, it was Jesus Christ. But He didn't. Instead, He cried for mercy.

Sometimes, God allows us to go through these weird, crazy situations to get our attention. Where we are, who we are, what our purpose is, what makes up our character, it all has to be refined. After the thing, we realized, had it not been for *insert craziness here*, we wouldn't be who we are today and we wouldn't have a clearer vision of where we need to go. During the whole weird, crazy stuff, it's like, umm God, what's going on? But we need to just trust that He's got a plan. He's doing some weird, crazy things that are for our good. It'll work out in the end.

And that's a promise that you can stake your life on. :)

Happy summer, guys. God bless ya. <3

--Sonya

I Don't Want Apologies

Apologies are nice. When someone says they're sorry and they mean it, it's just nice to hear it, to be honest. They're acknowledging that they did something against you, and they're taking a step towards making it right.

But how many people out there can tell me that a simple "I'm sorry" sometimes isn't enough?

Let's go with an extreme example.

You completely, utterly, totally snap. The person who's been driving you crazy for the past who knows how long, you finally let them have it. And when you're done, they act like a kicked puppy, head down, shoulders hunched, and they mumble the words, "I'm sorry."

That feels great. That should be the end of it. You freaked out at them (and they totally deserved it), they said they're sorry, end of story, so now it's happily ever after, ne?

And then the next time they see you, they're still doing that thing that literally annoys the Spirit of God out of you.

The truth is, whatever happened, whether it was your parents hurting you, a friend being a total jerkface, a person who just will not stop being annoying and butting into your business, that idiot who just has to make everything into an argument or won't quit pushing their own viewpoint in every conversation, whatever it is, you don't want an apology from them. Okay, yes you do. You want them to say that they're sorry, you want to hear those words that basically say, "I did you wrong and I won't do it again."

See those five words I added to the end of that sentence?

It doesn't matter if they apologize or not, really. What matters is whether they actually change their behavior. I don't want an apology, I want your behavior to change.

I'm slowly getting to the point where I don't necessarily care if someone apologizes to me. If they get the words out and ask for forgiveness, then hey, it means they're at least willing to try to make it right, so that's a nice thing. But I'd rather they just change than say they're sorry.

When I apologize, I'm admitting I'm wrong, that I did something that I shouldn't have, and that I want to make it right. I try harder to not do it the next time the temptation comes, whether it's to mouth off or flip out or just do something stupid. Sometimes, I fail. Just ask my brothers and sisters. My parents'll also back that statement up.

But sometimes I succeed. I think it's about breaking an old habit by replacing it with a new habit. And I learned that, if you actually let Him, God'll help you if you ask.

So quit walking around, waiting for an apology, because that's not really what you want. You want that behavior to change. And also, quit walking around constantly saying you're sorry and accepting the fact that you're just a fail at life. Throw that garbage in the dumpster and start trying harder. Pray more, keep your mouth shut, recognize the situations that trigger the behavior and either run or make up in your mind beforehand that you won't participate. You overthink things already, so start coming up with scenarios in your head and what you'll do when you're faced with those things that make you want to flip out.

You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to them. And who knows? The way you act might subtly influence how they act. You change, they just might change. It's not such a long shot, actually, and hey, at the end of the day, at least you're clean.

I hope you guys have a good rest of your week. BTW, summer's soon, you lucky ducks, have fun graduating, or just getting out on summer break and stuff. :)

Love you guys. God bless. Peace out. :)

--Sonya :) <3

P.S. What'cha think of the new look? :D

P.S.2 I'm sorry if I came off as super harsh in this post. If you feel like I'm being preachy, well, I probably was, I wasn't really preaching at you though, I was preaching at myself. And to you too, I suppose, but not in a condemning way, at least that's not my intention. I wanna build you up, not tear you down. I love you. Even if I don't know you, you're a human, you got a soul, and if you've read this far down it means you're at least vaguely interested in what I have to say, I think. :) God bless you. <3

Be the Person You Needed When You Were Younger --Anonymous

"Be the person you needed when you were younger."

I can't tell you when I first saw those words in a picture while I was scrolling through Facebook one day. But I can tell you how they changed my life.

When I was younger, I was an idiot, and to be honest, I still kind of am, I'm just a little bit wiser. I was easily influenced, but I could also run on my own two feet. I loved life. Time was slow-moving, except when I was having fun with my friends. Life was an open possibility, I could be anything from an archeologist to a doctor to a racecar driver to an astronaut to a Power Ranger to a superhero to a cat.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to be a cat when I was younger. And I have actually partially accomplished this, in habit only of course. Sleeping, being nocturnal, only allowing people to touch me when I want them to, curling up on a couch, man, the only things I don't do that are cat-like are potty in a litter box, bring home 'treats' for my homeowners, and use my tongue as a shower.

I'm just kidding. I have been compared to a cat before, though, but those are stories for another day.

Anyways. The edge of the universe was the limit for me back then, and it was amazing.

Then, we moved, and I quickly learned what it's like to be on 'the outside' of a teenaged peer-group with no hopes of getting into the 'in-group'. Loneliness, heartbreak (not just the romantic kind, I mean full-on my heart broke because life hurt and people hurt and breaking down was the only thing I could do 'cause dying is never an option), be it hormones or circumstances, all of that hit me like a bullet train.

So when I first read the words, "Be the person you needed when you were younger," it made me think about all of the mistakes I've made. All the things that I feel like I could've avoided if I'd had someone experienced that I looked up to to help me. I was so immature, and I was so bad at listening, though, I'm not sure if I would've listened if an older me had been there to help me.

I do know that, had those things not happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. So now I feel like I need to be that person I needed when I was younger. I wished someone would've told me that I'd get through some of the messes that I did. I wished someone would've been there to shine a light to me when all I felt was darkness around me. I wished someone would've prayed with me and over me when I needed it, offered words of encouragement or something.

There were a few who did those things, but people are human, and they can't be there all the time. I understand that. But it didn't stop the wishing.

So now, I try to do those things. I try to tell people that they'll get through those situations that feel so hopeless. I try to shine a light to people who feel like they're lost and stumbling around in darkness. I pray things over people that I wish someone would've prayed over me. I try to be encouraging when someone needs it and I can see that they need it.

I can't be a people-pleaser. But I don't think that's what Paul was saying when he said, "I am become all things to all people." I think he meant that he got down on other people's level so he could reach them. He wasn't high and mighty, he wasn't oh-so-great and, "Oh you need help so I, the great Paul, will help you and bring myself down because you're so much lower." Yeah, no. He had something so precious, so amazing, and he was willing to do anything to pass it on to other people who didn't have it. If it meant becoming poor, weak, whatever, if he could shine a light and bring people to Christ, then he did it. He served people like Jesus served people.

I am not the Apostle Paul, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just me. But I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. I want to be that person that gave someone the hope to keep hanging on. I can't do that by myself, but I know God can do that through me. And He can do it through you too.

You're a lot stronger than you were at 13. You're a whole lot stronger this year than you were last year. You can find the strength to keep going, and you can find the strength to keep reaching out to other people too. God's strength is found perfect in your weakness, so when you feel weak, don't rely on your own strength. Rely on God's. You can be the person you needed when you were younger. We may be our own worst critics, but we can also encourage ourselves in the Holy Ghost, like David did. We can be that person that someone else needs right now. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself, to try something new, to go out on a limb and step out on faith. Who knows? It may be the breaking point for someone. It may be what catapults you into your destiny, and it may be what launches someone into their victory.

You never know 'til you try. :)

Stay strong, guys. God bless you and help you, in Jesus name. And if you need someone, I'm here.

Love you guys. :)

--Sonya :) <3

Does Jesus Like Me?

This post is amazing. If you got a minute, read it, it's good. :)



Does Jesus Like Me?