Music :)

Been thinking back recently on how I got into certain bands, and how their music's influenced my life and helped me get through different dark times. Sometimes, their music helped pick me back up and get me going again, other times they simply told me that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling.

Honestly, it could've been the difference between life and death if I hadn't listened to some songs.

If it hadn't been for a few people who'd showed me some different bands (like Skillet, Jars of Clay, Thousand Foot Krutch, Twenty One Pilots, Owl City, etc.) I doubt I'd be who and where I am today.

Music is a kind of haven. It's where you can simply stop thinking and let the words flow over you, the sounds that've been together can get inside of you and help sort through the mess that you're feeling. It's a place we all retreat to in order to feel something that simple words can't make us feel.

Why do you think the love song/breakup song industry's so big? 'Cause trust me, if any of us just said half of what was said in some of those love songs, people'd either look at us like we're crazy, or we'd end up in jail. Okay maybe not quite so extreme, but you get the point, right?

I mainly listen to Christian music, and there, mainly Christian Rock music, sometimes rap, sometimes electric pop, etc. I listen to some bands who don't outright SAY their Christian but if you listen to their music you can hear the strong Christian overtones and underlying themes beneath their lyrics.

Just to insert, if you don't listen to Christian music or if you listen to both Christian and secular music, I'm not judging you, I promise, I'm just stating my personal music tastes haha.

Music is a powerful thing. It can make you feel good or bad, up or down, determined or broken, angry or happy, sad or confused, etc.

Warning: this part may sound judgmental.

That's why we hear people say how important it is to be careful of what and who you listen to. Music is a way in which you can worship. So, depending on what you're listening to, if you let that theme take up a huge part of your life where you're almost (or not even almost, completely) obsessed with it, then I think it's safe to say that you're worshiping it.

God uses all kinds of things to speak to us. I mean, seriously, I've gotten hit between the eyes with how much God loves us by listening to 1D and EXO for crying out loud. But, while a Taylor Swift song can help you through a bad breakup or a 1D song can help you gain confidence and realize that you're beautiful the way you are, if you turn those people into some of the centermost pillars holding up your life, that can and will turn into something unhealthy, lead you down a path that's not what God intended for your life, and those people or subjects and stuff can turn into gods that will break you down and hurt you instead of heal you. We're supposed to worship the Creator, not the creation. :)

Anyways, sorry, didn't mean to get all theological on you guys haha. I guess I'm just tryna say that music has helped me through a lot, and it's helped you through a lot, we just need to make sure that it hasn't turned into our god instead of allowing us to get closer to the One True God. Trust me, Jesus loves music, and He likes to speak to us through it, but don't become obsessed with the owner of the mouth He chooses to speak to us through.

Love you guys!!! God bless!!! And thanks to the people who introduced me to all the different kinds of music and bands. You guys rawk. ;)

And lastly... HAPPY SUMMER!!!!!!!

--Sonya :)

We'll Call This Post a Life Update Haha :)

Okay. My brothers and sisters are all done with school for the summer.

I finished my Statistics course.

You shoulda seen me, I freaked out, was like, YEEEESSSSSS, wrote my coach an email, barged into my parents' room (it was 11:50pm and I'd JUST hit the 70% mark for this ALEKS course) and told them, and basically had a mini party for myself by... um, going to sleep happy instead of feeling as overly-stressed as I usually do haha.

Now, on to bigger battles. Learning all 550 verses for State Finals this weekend. Ahem, I mean tomorrow. O.O

Oh, and getting my license before we leave for Florida.

And getting my Western Civ 1 course done before we leave for Florida.

Pray for me haha.

It's actually not so bad, it's just making sure I do it, that I make myself study for this stuff is the trick. I am notorious for procrastinating, and you can't do that with Bible Quizzing. Western Civ 1 CLEP test, maybe, but not effectively haha.

License, however, I probably could just cram for it some night. Bad idea, but ya know, sometimes, what can ya do haha.

Bible Quizzing State Finals... Tomorrow...

Externally, I probably seem a bit irritable. Internally, I'm a mess of unmotivated stress. (-_-)

Oh well. We will get through this weekend, and at the end of the day, it's getting the Word in your heart and actually understanding it, not how many trophies you win. :)

God bless!!!!

--Sonya :)

So Close...

Guys. Summer is so close, like, gaahh.

And so is State Finals.

And I'm studying for my driver's license. So close to getting it haha.

And I'm 1% away from being done with my Intro to Statistics course.

And I'm so close to exploding. (-_-) Anyways.

Just a random update on how things have been going. My old college coach had to retire from being my coach because she has some health problems and needs a lot of time to rest and get better, so I got transferred to a new coach. I'm gonna miss my old coach, but my new coach is pretty awesome too so is all good. :D

Also, as you can tell, I've been tearing my hair out over Statistics. SO CLOOOSEEE but I just spent like, three hours doing it. So I'm taking a short break.

Oh, we did a choir concert, and we never have to sing Happy again. EVER. Cool song, don't get me wrong, but when you have to sing "Happyyyy-ee-ee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeeee-eee-eee-eeeeeee" a few million times, while clapping out a VERY specific beat, and then getting taught a new beat the week before the concert and you only have two more practices before you have to perform, you just... you never really get over it... and it just... well, you get the picture. We're sooo done with that song haha.

And camps and Youth Congress and (hopefully, if we make it) Nationals are in the next few months too, woohoo!!!

And I plan on getting 3 courses done this summer. Yes, I once again am going to work through the summer. What is this 'break' you speak of? I've never heard of it!

Jk, but only 'cause my mom's forcing me for some of it. Ya know. :)

Also, I've been going on some anime-watching sprees. And freaking out most of it, 'cause my sister spoiled half of it 'cause she read the mangas, and my friends spoiled the other half 'cause they're all caught up, and I'm fiiiinally watching most of it happen haha.

What're your summer plans? Beach, go visit friends/family, work through it like me, get a job, or just go on Netflix binges? Whatever it is, have a bunch of fun. If you aren't planning on doing anything that you would consider 'fun', well, dude make the most of it anyway!

But don't get in trouble. Please, please don't get in trouble.

Okay, I'mma go back to studying now.

Love you guys!!! God bless!!!

--Sonya :)

P.S. sorry I'm so random today. After three hours of math, I get REALLY random. Anyways. Continue on your day, have a good one, love ya!!! :P :)

So, I watched "To Save a Life" today O.O

Okay. So me and my sister just watched the movie To Save a Life. And we managed not to cry. Although I'm pretty sure we brushed away tears throughout the movie. And my sister is NOT a very emotional person, and it had HER in tears. Because, well...

When you really think about it, when you're walking down the halls at school, or walking down the sidewalk, and you pass someone, do you really see them? Like, really see them? Sure, they take up some space on the sidewalk or in the hall, but you don't really think about it if you don't know them. They're just that person you pass sometimes.

You have no idea what people are going through until you take the time to try to find out who they are. Sometimes, a person feels like they're simply a waste of space, screaming so loud but their screams get swallowed up by the silence that is their reality. Things in their lives are so real to them, but to the people around them it's not important, it's not worth crying over, it's not worth stressing over, it's just not worth it.

And then, they hear something whisper to them, and it fills them with so much fear and hopelessness, they feel like they're drowning:

Maybe, you're not important. Maybe, the reason it's not worth it, is because you're not worth it.

So they go throughout their days, fighting that little voice, that voice that keeps whispering over and over and over again to them:

You're a waste of space. You're not worth the time. You are worthless. You are nothing. You are an unimportant being living an unimportant life doing unimportant things that amount to absolutely nothing. 

You should do the world a favor and just end yourself.

And when someone yells at them for not doing better, or if someone scolds them for an accident, it just reinforces that lie.

I'm not saying you shouldn't try your best. I'm not saying that having someone tell you not to let an accident happen again isn't a good thing. But I do want to tackle that voice who's telling you, See? Even they think you're stupid. Even they think you should be better than this, but you can't do better. That's all you've got. Even they can see that you're just a waste of space, of air, they'd be happy if you'd stop giving them so many problems.

That is a lie.

That is a huge, stinking, horrible lie straight from the mouth of Satan.

If you weren't worth the effort, do you think God would've come Himself to earth? He robed Himself in the same flesh that you and I are in, and lived a life to die for you. He lived perfectly so He could ultimately die, so that you could live.

Put that knife down, love. He was already cut for you. He bled so that you wouldn't have to. He died so you wouldn't have to. He paid the price so that you wouldn't have to.

Stop believing that lie. You are worth more to Jesus than anything in the universe. He loves you so much. He wants you to stretch out your hand to Him and let Him save you.

I know there are hypocrites in the church, I know that people judge, I know that the lie still comes back and the pain is almost too much for you to bear so you cry yourself to sleep at times, I know that it's hard.

But you don't have to face it alone. Go where you know God is. Go where you know you can find Him. Get ahold of God, and don't let go no matter what because He's the only solid ground in this world that is all quicksand. This world keeps sucking you down and suffocating you 'til you finally succumb to death.

God is the God who created life. He is love. He cares when nobody else does, and He is always there for you, even when you don't feel Him.

He'll send someone if that's what you need. He'll do whatever it takes to bring you to Him. He loves you.

I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.

God bless. Have a good rest of your week.

--Sonya :)

P.S. You alone cannot fight that voice. You alone will not make it. But you and God? That's a completely different story. You and God can make it through anything. Just try Him, and don't let go. :) Love ya.

Scattered Thoughts that Somehow Connect...Sorta (o_0)

As you can probably tell, I'm procrastinating. Like, seriously. Even when I cut out Facebook, I figure out ways to procrastinate. I check my email, check the college site to see if any more of my assignments have been graded (weird, right? But hey, that's college stuff... right?), take personality quizzes (Which Halo Character are You?....Apparently I'm the Arbiter. Wort-wort-wort-wort), write blog posts, etc.

Actually, sometimes when I can't think of anything else to write, I take a break and then come back to it a bit later. Which helps. So, don't completely push it off, but if your brain needs a break, do something constructive, and quick. Maybe take a nap.

Anyways. Who else listens to music while you study/do your homework? Hands up. Anybody? No? Really, guys? I listen to a lot of different stuff. Christian rap, Christian hard rock, Christian soft rock, Christian dubstep, Christian hip-hop, Christian electricona, Christian pop... uhh... can you tell I'm possibly a Christian?

Actually, what makes you a Christian isn't the music you listen to. Anybody can listen to Christian music and see it as just 'inspirational lyrics'. What makes you a Christian is the way you act, the way you walk out your faith in Jesus, the way you talk, how you live your life according to God's word.

Anyone who is offended by the fact that I like rock or hip hop, well... if your personal conviction is not to listen to rock or hip hop, be it Christian or secular, then good for you, stick with it, but please don't take your personal convictions and shove it down everybody's throats. God or my church's ministerial staff will talk to me if listening to that music is a sin. :)

This post is so scattered. Like my brain. I have stuff I need to do, but I either don't wanna do it, have no motivation to do it, have forgotten about it, or can't think of what else to say in that assignment but I need to write something. Ayo.

Well, guys... It's Wednesday. You only have a few more days 'til the weekend. Hang in there, sleeping in is coming soon!!!! Also, we're over halfway through April. Which means, SUMMER BREAK IS COMING SOON!!!!....for you. For me, I just do college through the whole summer, haha.

I know you got tests and finals and stuff to study up on before you graduate, either to the next grade or from high school, or from college (that will be me one day... college graduate... gaaahhh I wish it would come sooner) and I know they're hard (trust me. I may be homeschooled, but Statistics has been and is currently kicking my butt, I'm ready to chuck my computer out the window and burn my Statistics scratch paper) but you (and I) will get through it!!! Keep your chin up. You're gonna be okay, I promise. :)

Love you guys!!! God bless!!!!

--Sonya :)

Dawn's Coming, Just Hold On a Little Longer

It's my last day of Spring Break. Youth Convention was absolutely amazing, mind-blowing, convicting, life-changing, challenging, all that jazz.

I laughed. I cried. I lost my voice. I challenged myself to do hard stuff. God help me.

Sometimes you do things that God told you to do that you don't completely understand. Sometimes it's fun and easy and exciting, like maybe you make your commitment a little bit stronger by reading your Bible more or praying more often.

And other times, it hurts. You do it, and the pain doesn't hit you until maybe later. You don't realize how much it hurts until you're all alone. And suddenly you're asking yourself, "Uh, wow, what did I do?" You say, or scream, "God, I did not sign up for this. I know I'm doing what You told me to do, but I thought it wasn't going to hurt this bad. I didn't sign up for this kind of pain. I didn't sign up to feel like a punching bag. I thought I prepped for this. I thought You said You'd help me through this, where are You?" and you're crying yourself to sleep yet again wondering why you allowed yourself to start something in the first place when you knew that if God ever called upon you to give it up it'd hurt even worse.

I think it's kind of appropriate, since today (or, I guess now, yesterday) was Easter, for a little reminder. God's been there. He knows where you're at, what you're feeling. Don't forget, He did kinda come to Earth, humble Himself by robing Himself in human flesh and dwell among His creation as a servant. He was humiliated to the uttermost that a human can be humiliated, falsely accused, beaten within an inch of His life, forced to carry His own torture device up a hill while His own people insulted and screamed at Him, then nailed through His hands and His feet to a cross that had splinters and jagged edges of wood piercing the already bloody, bruised, torn up flesh of His back. He hung there for a few hours, slowly suffocating and succumbing to the agonizingly horrendous amount of pain that the people He'd come to reconcile to Himself had inflicted on Him.

And He endured all of this without raising a single protest.

Why? Because He was thinking of the future. He was seeing a kid about 13 or 14 years old, depressed to the point of attempting suicide who decided to see if maybe there was a God instead of ending his life. He was looking ahead to someone who looks like they got everything together when in reality they fall apart as soon as they're alone to when they'd finally find an altar of prayer and repentance and break before Him. He was looking ahead to you, to when you'd decide to turn to Him. He shed His precious blood to bridge the gap between you in your broken state to Heaven. He wanted to give you a connection to Him, and He wants you to know you're not alone. He didn't leave you. He knows exactly what pain you're going through. He made sure He would so that He could identify with you, so that you'd know just how much you're loved.

He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to feel the same pain we do as humans living in a jacked up world. And He didn't make it jacked up, you and I did with the choices we made. He just made a way so that we could have a different way to live. Life's not easy no matter what way you live, whether it's in the world or following God. But even when it's hard, if you have God you at least have the knowledge that you can get through it.

Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm overemotional. Maybe it really does hurt and there really is nobody I can really turn to except for God to help me through the painful transitions that I'm going through. The fire still burns, the surgeon's knife still hurts, but at least I know the God of the fire and the Healer behind the knife. He knows what we can handle.

Tears endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning, right? The nights we go through may be long and hard, but dawn's coming. Just hold on, man, dawn's coming. No matter how dark it gets, just hold on, dawn will come. Dawn will come.

Love you guys. God bless.

--Sonya

It's April, April Fools, and IYC'15

Sooo it's the 1st of April.

And the first day of Illinois Youth Convention 2015.

We missed the first service, buuttt oh well haha. No joke, we literally walked in when service was ending, we were all super duper bummed.

And I have a cold. Sadly, no joke there either. Stuffed/runny nose. Sneezing. No fun, but when you forget about it 'cause you have an awesome youth group who makes you laugh so hard you think your stomach's gonna turn into a rock and your head's gonna explode from laughing so much, it's all good.

Anyways. April's a new month. I passed my Astronomy course, so on to new stuff!!

And by 'new stuff' I mean, Western Civ. 1 that I didn't get done last month, and a Leadership and Communications Management course this month. Oh, and finishing up Intro to Statistics.

*In Stitch's voice* College means busy. Busy means nobody gets any free time. Or breaks. Unless your mother gives you an executive order that "YOU WILL TAKE SPRING BREAK OFF WITH THE REST OF US BECAUSE YOU NEED IT OR ELSE!!!!"

Okay, I take some breaks. Like, a few hours a day. Ya know, sleeping, watching Naruto, chillin' on Facebook, procrastinating a bit here and there, you get the gist. But no 'real' breaks. Usually, when I eat (if I remember to go get food from the fridge, that is) I do it while I do school work. More convenient that way.

But this week... It's been nice. No school. I mean, prepping for next course by cruising the course site and checking the breakdown of what's gonna happen during the course and what assignments and stuff are due isn't really work for me. It's like doing research for a book. Fun, daunting, exciting, etc.

Trying to juggle college work and Bible Quizzing (We have our big Bible Quizzing Extravaganza coming up where we quiz for basically 3 days straight, it's gonna be awesome but looong and hard haha, pray for me O.O) is a bit hard, but I finally figured out how to do it. Yeah, it means giving myself more time to finish my degree and pushing away some stuff, but it's worth it.

Bible Quizzing is something I've wanted to do for years. When I was two or three, I was running around in the basement with my friends, playing before Wednesday night service. That was the first time I saw a quiz practice. My much older teenage friends were up there, hitting this big button to answer questions, and I decided that day that I really wanted to hit that big button. But I was told I couldn't because I didn't know the verses. So I decided I would learn the verses.

Well, I didn't get to hit that big button that year, or even the next, or even the next. It was about 12 years later, and moving from Tennessee (where I first heard about Bible Quizzing) to Minnesota (where I heard about it again but wasn't able to participate) and finally to Illinois where a lady and her family from Texas ended up moving to Chicago to help out the same Home Missions church that we were trying to help out, that I was finally able to hit that button.

Mind you, it'd shrunk quite a bit to our modern handheld 'buzzers', but I was finally able to learn those verses and hit that button.

And yes, it's just as awesome as I thought it'd be, in my young, 2 or 3 year old mind.

I said all that to say this: Do what's important to you. Whether it's school, art, Bible Quizzing, music, whatever, take the time to do it. What you invest your time in will eventually give back to you. Find a way to balance what you have to do and what you're passionate about. And hey, maybe those two will one day end up becoming the same thing. That's what people keep telling us, right? 'Follow your dreams', 'follow your passion'.

If you don't know what your passion is, meh, it's never too late to find it. Pray, let God lead you. And if you know what it is, let God keep leading you to wherever that passion will take you.

For those of you on Spring Break, have a good one!!! And for those of you who aren't, keep holding on, weekend's coming soon!!!! :D

God bless!!

--Sonya :)