Apologies are nice. When someone says they're sorry and they mean it, it's just nice to hear it, to be honest. They're acknowledging that they did something against you, and they're taking a step towards making it right.
But how many people out there can tell me that a simple "I'm sorry" sometimes isn't enough?
Let's go with an extreme example.
You completely, utterly, totally snap. The person who's been driving you crazy for the past who knows how long, you finally let them have it. And when you're done, they act like a kicked puppy, head down, shoulders hunched, and they mumble the words, "I'm sorry."
That feels great. That should be the end of it. You freaked out at them (and they totally deserved it), they said they're sorry, end of story, so now it's happily ever after, ne?
And then the next time they see you, they're still doing that thing that literally annoys the Spirit of God out of you.
The truth is, whatever happened, whether it was your parents hurting you, a friend being a total jerkface, a person who just will not stop being annoying and butting into your business, that idiot who just has to make everything into an argument or won't quit pushing their own viewpoint in every conversation, whatever it is, you don't want an apology from them. Okay, yes you do. You want them to say that they're sorry, you want to hear those words that basically say, "I did you wrong and I won't do it again."
See those five words I added to the end of that sentence?
It doesn't matter if they apologize or not, really. What matters is whether they actually change their behavior. I don't want an apology, I want your behavior to change.
I'm slowly getting to the point where I don't necessarily care if someone apologizes to me. If they get the words out and ask for forgiveness, then hey, it means they're at least willing to try to make it right, so that's a nice thing. But I'd rather they just change than say they're sorry.
When I apologize, I'm admitting I'm wrong, that I did something that I shouldn't have, and that I want to make it right. I try harder to not do it the next time the temptation comes, whether it's to mouth off or flip out or just do something stupid. Sometimes, I fail. Just ask my brothers and sisters. My parents'll also back that statement up.
But sometimes I succeed. I think it's about breaking an old habit by replacing it with a new habit. And I learned that, if you actually let Him, God'll help you if you ask.
So quit walking around, waiting for an apology, because that's not really what you want. You want that behavior to change. And also, quit walking around constantly saying you're sorry and accepting the fact that you're just a fail at life. Throw that garbage in the dumpster and start trying harder. Pray more, keep your mouth shut, recognize the situations that trigger the behavior and either run or make up in your mind beforehand that you won't participate. You overthink things already, so start coming up with scenarios in your head and what you'll do when you're faced with those things that make you want to flip out.
You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to them. And who knows? The way you act might subtly influence how they act. You change, they just might change. It's not such a long shot, actually, and hey, at the end of the day, at least you're clean.
I hope you guys have a good rest of your week. BTW, summer's soon, you lucky ducks, have fun graduating, or just getting out on summer break and stuff. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Peace out. :)
--Sonya :) <3
P.S. What'cha think of the new look? :D
P.S.2 I'm sorry if I came off as super harsh in this post. If you feel like I'm being preachy, well, I probably was, I wasn't really preaching at you though, I was preaching at myself. And to you too, I suppose, but not in a condemning way, at least that's not my intention. I wanna build you up, not tear you down. I love you. Even if I don't know you, you're a human, you got a soul, and if you've read this far down it means you're at least vaguely interested in what I have to say, I think. :) God bless you. <3
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Be the Person You Needed When You Were Younger --Anonymous
"Be the person you needed when you were younger."
I can't tell you when I first saw those words in a picture while I was scrolling through Facebook one day. But I can tell you how they changed my life.
When I was younger, I was an idiot, and to be honest, I still kind of am, I'm just a little bit wiser. I was easily influenced, but I could also run on my own two feet. I loved life. Time was slow-moving, except when I was having fun with my friends. Life was an open possibility, I could be anything from an archeologist to a doctor to a racecar driver to an astronaut to a Power Ranger to a superhero to a cat.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to be a cat when I was younger. And I have actually partially accomplished this, in habit only of course. Sleeping, being nocturnal, only allowing people to touch me when I want them to, curling up on a couch, man, the only things I don't do that are cat-like are potty in a litter box, bring home 'treats' for my homeowners, and use my tongue as a shower.
I'm just kidding. I have been compared to a cat before, though, but those are stories for another day.
Anyways. The edge of the universe was the limit for me back then, and it was amazing.
Then, we moved, and I quickly learned what it's like to be on 'the outside' of a teenaged peer-group with no hopes of getting into the 'in-group'. Loneliness, heartbreak (not just the romantic kind, I mean full-on my heart broke because life hurt and people hurt and breaking down was the only thing I could do 'cause dying is never an option), be it hormones or circumstances, all of that hit me like a bullet train.
So when I first read the words, "Be the person you needed when you were younger," it made me think about all of the mistakes I've made. All the things that I feel like I could've avoided if I'd had someone experienced that I looked up to to help me. I was so immature, and I was so bad at listening, though, I'm not sure if I would've listened if an older me had been there to help me.
I do know that, had those things not happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. So now I feel like I need to be that person I needed when I was younger. I wished someone would've told me that I'd get through some of the messes that I did. I wished someone would've been there to shine a light to me when all I felt was darkness around me. I wished someone would've prayed with me and over me when I needed it, offered words of encouragement or something.
There were a few who did those things, but people are human, and they can't be there all the time. I understand that. But it didn't stop the wishing.
So now, I try to do those things. I try to tell people that they'll get through those situations that feel so hopeless. I try to shine a light to people who feel like they're lost and stumbling around in darkness. I pray things over people that I wish someone would've prayed over me. I try to be encouraging when someone needs it and I can see that they need it.
I can't be a people-pleaser. But I don't think that's what Paul was saying when he said, "I am become all things to all people." I think he meant that he got down on other people's level so he could reach them. He wasn't high and mighty, he wasn't oh-so-great and, "Oh you need help so I, the great Paul, will help you and bring myself down because you're so much lower." Yeah, no. He had something so precious, so amazing, and he was willing to do anything to pass it on to other people who didn't have it. If it meant becoming poor, weak, whatever, if he could shine a light and bring people to Christ, then he did it. He served people like Jesus served people.
I am not the Apostle Paul, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just me. But I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. I want to be that person that gave someone the hope to keep hanging on. I can't do that by myself, but I know God can do that through me. And He can do it through you too.
You're a lot stronger than you were at 13. You're a whole lot stronger this year than you were last year. You can find the strength to keep going, and you can find the strength to keep reaching out to other people too. God's strength is found perfect in your weakness, so when you feel weak, don't rely on your own strength. Rely on God's. You can be the person you needed when you were younger. We may be our own worst critics, but we can also encourage ourselves in the Holy Ghost, like David did. We can be that person that someone else needs right now. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself, to try something new, to go out on a limb and step out on faith. Who knows? It may be the breaking point for someone. It may be what catapults you into your destiny, and it may be what launches someone into their victory.
You never know 'til you try. :)
Stay strong, guys. God bless you and help you, in Jesus name. And if you need someone, I'm here.
Love you guys. :)
--Sonya :) <3
I can't tell you when I first saw those words in a picture while I was scrolling through Facebook one day. But I can tell you how they changed my life.
When I was younger, I was an idiot, and to be honest, I still kind of am, I'm just a little bit wiser. I was easily influenced, but I could also run on my own two feet. I loved life. Time was slow-moving, except when I was having fun with my friends. Life was an open possibility, I could be anything from an archeologist to a doctor to a racecar driver to an astronaut to a Power Ranger to a superhero to a cat.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to be a cat when I was younger. And I have actually partially accomplished this, in habit only of course. Sleeping, being nocturnal, only allowing people to touch me when I want them to, curling up on a couch, man, the only things I don't do that are cat-like are potty in a litter box, bring home 'treats' for my homeowners, and use my tongue as a shower.
I'm just kidding. I have been compared to a cat before, though, but those are stories for another day.
Anyways. The edge of the universe was the limit for me back then, and it was amazing.
Then, we moved, and I quickly learned what it's like to be on 'the outside' of a teenaged peer-group with no hopes of getting into the 'in-group'. Loneliness, heartbreak (not just the romantic kind, I mean full-on my heart broke because life hurt and people hurt and breaking down was the only thing I could do 'cause dying is never an option), be it hormones or circumstances, all of that hit me like a bullet train.
So when I first read the words, "Be the person you needed when you were younger," it made me think about all of the mistakes I've made. All the things that I feel like I could've avoided if I'd had someone experienced that I looked up to to help me. I was so immature, and I was so bad at listening, though, I'm not sure if I would've listened if an older me had been there to help me.
I do know that, had those things not happened, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. So now I feel like I need to be that person I needed when I was younger. I wished someone would've told me that I'd get through some of the messes that I did. I wished someone would've been there to shine a light to me when all I felt was darkness around me. I wished someone would've prayed with me and over me when I needed it, offered words of encouragement or something.
There were a few who did those things, but people are human, and they can't be there all the time. I understand that. But it didn't stop the wishing.
So now, I try to do those things. I try to tell people that they'll get through those situations that feel so hopeless. I try to shine a light to people who feel like they're lost and stumbling around in darkness. I pray things over people that I wish someone would've prayed over me. I try to be encouraging when someone needs it and I can see that they need it.
I can't be a people-pleaser. But I don't think that's what Paul was saying when he said, "I am become all things to all people." I think he meant that he got down on other people's level so he could reach them. He wasn't high and mighty, he wasn't oh-so-great and, "Oh you need help so I, the great Paul, will help you and bring myself down because you're so much lower." Yeah, no. He had something so precious, so amazing, and he was willing to do anything to pass it on to other people who didn't have it. If it meant becoming poor, weak, whatever, if he could shine a light and bring people to Christ, then he did it. He served people like Jesus served people.
I am not the Apostle Paul, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just me. But I want to be that person I needed when I was younger. I want to be that person that gave someone the hope to keep hanging on. I can't do that by myself, but I know God can do that through me. And He can do it through you too.
You're a lot stronger than you were at 13. You're a whole lot stronger this year than you were last year. You can find the strength to keep going, and you can find the strength to keep reaching out to other people too. God's strength is found perfect in your weakness, so when you feel weak, don't rely on your own strength. Rely on God's. You can be the person you needed when you were younger. We may be our own worst critics, but we can also encourage ourselves in the Holy Ghost, like David did. We can be that person that someone else needs right now. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself, to try something new, to go out on a limb and step out on faith. Who knows? It may be the breaking point for someone. It may be what catapults you into your destiny, and it may be what launches someone into their victory.
You never know 'til you try. :)
Stay strong, guys. God bless you and help you, in Jesus name. And if you need someone, I'm here.
Love you guys. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Random Thoughts of a 19-Year-Old
So, my birthday recently passed. It was pretty great. Got to spend it with some amazing people, and I took a day and just spent it with my family. For the first time in forever (if you sang that in your head, I love you haha) my entire family went out shopping together. We went to Starbucks (drive-thru, haha that was interesting cutting across parking lots and going through all the weird twists and turns just to get to that particular Starbucks), Wal-mart, Goodwill, and then we came home and grilled a buncha different steaks.
Being 19 is basically the same as being 18, except it makes me realize that, HOLY SMOKE DOCTA JONES! Time is flying by. This is my last year of being a 'teenager'. I remember turning 13 and thinking something along the lines of, "Woohoo, I'm finally a teenager, now I'm gonna be all cool and mature and stylish and have great hair and tons of friends and everything's gonna be like all the Disney movies and tv shows I've seen about how being a teenager works!"
Yeah, nope. Not how it worked at all. I mean, there was definitely a ton of drama, good 'growing lessons', all that fun jazz, but there were also some RIDICULOUS transitions. I mean, I got into Japanese anime and Korean dramas, for crying out loud! And then I decided, hey I think I can learn these languages! (Progress is still kinda slow, but I'm proud to say that sometimes, I don't need the subtitles to know what they're saying, and I actually catch translation errors every once in a while! :D) I realized that I really like to write, but I don't always like to finish what I start. I learned that crying is okay. I learned that some friends come and go, and some stay constantly by your side, even when they're not physically by your side. People have my back, some don't, and having it together ain't always having it together. Sometimes, God and music are my only companions, and feeling/being 'incomplete' is actually okay. Haha, for the first time in my life, (thanks to Thousand Foot Krutch and their song 'Incomplete' haha) I actually feel like, even though life's not what I thought it should be, and I'm 19 and I feel totally inadequate to tackle the future ('cause it's always on Life's terms, never on mine), that that's actually okay.
That's right. Not having life figured out, not knowing what you're s'posed to do, not being 'complete', that is okay. When life, people, stuff, everything just cuts you down and stabs a knife into your side, you may be bleeding but you're not dead yet. You've fallen flat on your face and you don't have the strength to get back up? Either lie there until you do regain your strength, or crawl. You're not dying today, soldier. Too much is on the line.
Yes, there's gonna be a ton of doubts. Lot's of failures. Lots of pain. It's what we do, we're human, we doubt, we fail, we get hurt, but all of that should just drive us to fight harder. You're bleeding? Bandage yourself up, babe, and keep running. They stabbed you in the back? Forgive and move on. You're incomplete? Everybody is, sweetheart. Everybody's got this God-sized whole inside of them, and most of the time they try everything except God to fill it up, but hey, if you've stumbled on this blog for the first time, here's some info: There's this amazing God who created this entire universe, balanced everything in it, and decided that, hey, this universe needs a YOU in it. He knew we'd mess up, so He made a way by taking on the same kind of flesh you and I have and dying on a cross to repair the bridge that we burnt down.
I know life's hard. I know we got problems, you got problems, you got issues man. I know saying 'move on,' 'forgive and forget,' 'get over it,' all that stuff sometimes doesn't help because what happened hurts. It's hard to do any of that. It feels like people are just completely bypassing every pain and hurt and they're just leaving you high and dry with pretty words that run like water through your fingers. But trust me when I say, if love can cover my sins, if God's blood can cover anyone's sins, then His blood can cover yours. He can literally get inside of your very core and heal the pain you've concealed from everyone else. By the grace of God, you can forgive and forget, you can move on, you can get over it because dude, we're more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
Overcoming doesn't mean you get it right the first time. It means you were knocked down, but you kept trying.
So bro. Sis. Kid. Adult. Human. You. Don't. Stop. Trying. Reach for the stars. Run that race. Achieve your dreams, one step at a time. Go for it. Find God in the madness. Don't stop living, don't stop breathing, don't stop believing, don't stop trying to do what you feel called to do. Nobody else can do what you can. Nobody else can live your life. You're a unique, beautiful spark of life that will achieve the impossible if you let it turn into a flame. Don't snuff it out before it's even started, and don't stomp out the smoke when it doesn't work out how you thought. Keep breathing on it. Find more wood. Get creative. You know what'cha gotta do. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your weekend. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Being 19 is basically the same as being 18, except it makes me realize that, HOLY SMOKE DOCTA JONES! Time is flying by. This is my last year of being a 'teenager'. I remember turning 13 and thinking something along the lines of, "Woohoo, I'm finally a teenager, now I'm gonna be all cool and mature and stylish and have great hair and tons of friends and everything's gonna be like all the Disney movies and tv shows I've seen about how being a teenager works!"
Yeah, nope. Not how it worked at all. I mean, there was definitely a ton of drama, good 'growing lessons', all that fun jazz, but there were also some RIDICULOUS transitions. I mean, I got into Japanese anime and Korean dramas, for crying out loud! And then I decided, hey I think I can learn these languages! (Progress is still kinda slow, but I'm proud to say that sometimes, I don't need the subtitles to know what they're saying, and I actually catch translation errors every once in a while! :D) I realized that I really like to write, but I don't always like to finish what I start. I learned that crying is okay. I learned that some friends come and go, and some stay constantly by your side, even when they're not physically by your side. People have my back, some don't, and having it together ain't always having it together. Sometimes, God and music are my only companions, and feeling/being 'incomplete' is actually okay. Haha, for the first time in my life, (thanks to Thousand Foot Krutch and their song 'Incomplete' haha) I actually feel like, even though life's not what I thought it should be, and I'm 19 and I feel totally inadequate to tackle the future ('cause it's always on Life's terms, never on mine), that that's actually okay.
That's right. Not having life figured out, not knowing what you're s'posed to do, not being 'complete', that is okay. When life, people, stuff, everything just cuts you down and stabs a knife into your side, you may be bleeding but you're not dead yet. You've fallen flat on your face and you don't have the strength to get back up? Either lie there until you do regain your strength, or crawl. You're not dying today, soldier. Too much is on the line.
Yes, there's gonna be a ton of doubts. Lot's of failures. Lots of pain. It's what we do, we're human, we doubt, we fail, we get hurt, but all of that should just drive us to fight harder. You're bleeding? Bandage yourself up, babe, and keep running. They stabbed you in the back? Forgive and move on. You're incomplete? Everybody is, sweetheart. Everybody's got this God-sized whole inside of them, and most of the time they try everything except God to fill it up, but hey, if you've stumbled on this blog for the first time, here's some info: There's this amazing God who created this entire universe, balanced everything in it, and decided that, hey, this universe needs a YOU in it. He knew we'd mess up, so He made a way by taking on the same kind of flesh you and I have and dying on a cross to repair the bridge that we burnt down.
I know life's hard. I know we got problems, you got problems, you got issues man. I know saying 'move on,' 'forgive and forget,' 'get over it,' all that stuff sometimes doesn't help because what happened hurts. It's hard to do any of that. It feels like people are just completely bypassing every pain and hurt and they're just leaving you high and dry with pretty words that run like water through your fingers. But trust me when I say, if love can cover my sins, if God's blood can cover anyone's sins, then His blood can cover yours. He can literally get inside of your very core and heal the pain you've concealed from everyone else. By the grace of God, you can forgive and forget, you can move on, you can get over it because dude, we're more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
Overcoming doesn't mean you get it right the first time. It means you were knocked down, but you kept trying.
So bro. Sis. Kid. Adult. Human. You. Don't. Stop. Trying. Reach for the stars. Run that race. Achieve your dreams, one step at a time. Go for it. Find God in the madness. Don't stop living, don't stop breathing, don't stop believing, don't stop trying to do what you feel called to do. Nobody else can do what you can. Nobody else can live your life. You're a unique, beautiful spark of life that will achieve the impossible if you let it turn into a flame. Don't snuff it out before it's even started, and don't stomp out the smoke when it doesn't work out how you thought. Keep breathing on it. Find more wood. Get creative. You know what'cha gotta do. :)
Love you guys. God bless. Have a great rest of your weekend. :)
--Sonya :) <3
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
IYC'16: The Things I Learned
Life is full of new experiences. It's got a lot of good stuff and bad stuff. Pain is part of it.
I can just about guarantee that everyone knows what pain feels like. The physical pain of growing, the mental pain of studying, the spiritual pain of someone you trusted either stabbing you in the back or leaving you when you need them the most.
Those are just some examples of pain.
IYC'16 taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that, no matter what I'm feeling or what everyone else is doing, God can still speak. He can still move, despite everything that's going on. He's not hindered by our problems, by the things that happen, by the people who hurt us. If we expect something from Him, whether it's an answer to a question, a healing in our body, a miracle in our lives, He is not only more than able to do it, but even if it's just a tiny bit of faith that we have, a little bit of hope, He'll perform exactly what we need to keep going. If it's a short and simple, "Wait," or someone being in the right place at the right time, or whatever, He'll do what needs to be done. He'll keep you alive and give you hope even when all you want to do is die. He'll heal your body exactly when you need it, He'll perform a miracle that blows your mind and makes you break down in tears because you realize God hears you, He knows you, and He loves you.
People aren't perfect. Yes, they'll cut you, they'll tear you down, they'll leave. But the pain they've caused you doesn't have to hinder what God wants to do in your life. It's all up to you.
When you get down on your knees and pray, really seeking God, that's where Heaven and Earth intersect. That's where right now and eternity meet, and it's up to you what happens after that.
If it's relationship problems, He'll either show you which ones you need to let go of or show you how to heal those broken relationships. He is active in our lives, even when we can't see it. Darkness may surround us, and we may feel like we're choking, that there is no hope, but He has a plan through it all. You just gotta hold on to your faith in Him, hope for tomorrow, and when that doesn't seem like enough, just cry out to Him through the night and He'll give you what you need to keep going.
God bless you guys. <3
--Sonya
I can just about guarantee that everyone knows what pain feels like. The physical pain of growing, the mental pain of studying, the spiritual pain of someone you trusted either stabbing you in the back or leaving you when you need them the most.
Those are just some examples of pain.
IYC'16 taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that, no matter what I'm feeling or what everyone else is doing, God can still speak. He can still move, despite everything that's going on. He's not hindered by our problems, by the things that happen, by the people who hurt us. If we expect something from Him, whether it's an answer to a question, a healing in our body, a miracle in our lives, He is not only more than able to do it, but even if it's just a tiny bit of faith that we have, a little bit of hope, He'll perform exactly what we need to keep going. If it's a short and simple, "Wait," or someone being in the right place at the right time, or whatever, He'll do what needs to be done. He'll keep you alive and give you hope even when all you want to do is die. He'll heal your body exactly when you need it, He'll perform a miracle that blows your mind and makes you break down in tears because you realize God hears you, He knows you, and He loves you.
People aren't perfect. Yes, they'll cut you, they'll tear you down, they'll leave. But the pain they've caused you doesn't have to hinder what God wants to do in your life. It's all up to you.
When you get down on your knees and pray, really seeking God, that's where Heaven and Earth intersect. That's where right now and eternity meet, and it's up to you what happens after that.
If it's relationship problems, He'll either show you which ones you need to let go of or show you how to heal those broken relationships. He is active in our lives, even when we can't see it. Darkness may surround us, and we may feel like we're choking, that there is no hope, but He has a plan through it all. You just gotta hold on to your faith in Him, hope for tomorrow, and when that doesn't seem like enough, just cry out to Him through the night and He'll give you what you need to keep going.
God bless you guys. <3
--Sonya
Monday, March 14, 2016
Scum or Dung, You Still Got a Purpose
When you're about as fine as green coffee beans but you keep smiling. If you don't know what I'm talking about with the green coffee beans, go buy a bag of unroasted coffee beans and try chewing on one. You might break a tooth. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Easiest way to explain this feeling? I'm under a lot of pressure, again, and I'm not exactly handling it well. I have a Bible Quizzing tournament this Saturday, two +400 page textbooks I need to basically have memorized for their corresponding tests I have to take before April 24th, or else I'll have to take these $1000 equivalent courses.
But it's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. Nothing a good heart-to-heart conversation over Facebook with my BFFLAA 'Cassandra', a bit of 'vision-casting', shall we say, and some introspection and prayer can't fix.
I feel like, every now and again, I hit these walls, or cliffs, that I don't know how to climb over. I stare at them, try to jump over them, try to jump and grab the top, but I miss it over and over again and end up hitting the ground hard, lying on my back, all bruised up, weak and broken, dreams lying shattered at my feet and ideas as dead as flies that stink up the ointment in Ecclesiastes 10:1.
Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.
If you've read my previous posts, I think it's safe for you to assume that I'm good at falling into these 'pits of despair' and eventually figuring out how to get out of them. I can't write a sad song without ending it on a slightly hopeful note. I can't write a blog post without trying to be encouraging at some point. It's a cliche, I know, but there's already enough negativity in the world without me adding to it.
Man, that's a hard sentence to type and take in. It's that kind of thinking that can lead to suicide, or wanting to commit it. "Other people got it worse than I do." That doesn't solve the problem. You still feel like the scum of the earth, and remembering that other people have it way worse than you do doesn't help, in fact, it just makes you feel even lower because now you feel guilty about how bad you feel.
Take a deep breath. Now, just because you feel like the scum of the earth, like you're dung, or even lower than dung, that doesn't mean you don't have a purpose. Just because you don't know what your purpose is, that doesn't mean you don't have one. The scum of the earth has a very specific ecological niche, if you will, a very specific 'purpose' in the cycle of life. Scum cleans up and converts nasty junk into something that'll help our planet continue to survive. Dung, well, there's a reason farmers use manure to fertilize their fields. Dung helps things grow. Helps make the ground more fertile, so food can grow, so we can continue living, so the Earth can continue to thrive. Dung stinks, but it helps the most beautiful things to grow strong.
So if you feel like dung, maybe your purpose is to help other people to grow stronger, to grow into their own beautiful existences. If you feel like scum, maybe your job is to convert junk into something useful. You have a niche, even if you haven't figured out what it is. This wall that you've hit, this sheer cliff you're staring up at, will not confine you forever. It'll force you to get stronger so that one day, when you jump again, even if it's the umpteen-millionth time, your fingers will close around the side of that wall, the edge of that cliff, and you'll haul yourself up over the side of that obstacle that withstood you for so long, and you'll continue on to the next plain of the existence we call your life.
We're both staring those walls and cliffs down. And I've got faith that we'll slay them one day. And I mean slay them. You and I, we'll climb, we'll jump, we'll fall, we'll fail, we'll hurt, we'll cry, and we'll get back up and keep trying until we've finally made it. Don't give up. Don't quit. I believe in you. God believes in you. You're gonna make it through this, and overcome it so completely even you'll be surprised.
God bless ya. Have a good week. Love you guys. Fighting!
Oyasumi, min'na-san!
--Sonya :) <3
Easiest way to explain this feeling? I'm under a lot of pressure, again, and I'm not exactly handling it well. I have a Bible Quizzing tournament this Saturday, two +400 page textbooks I need to basically have memorized for their corresponding tests I have to take before April 24th, or else I'll have to take these $1000 equivalent courses.
But it's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. Nothing a good heart-to-heart conversation over Facebook with my BFFLAA 'Cassandra', a bit of 'vision-casting', shall we say, and some introspection and prayer can't fix.
I feel like, every now and again, I hit these walls, or cliffs, that I don't know how to climb over. I stare at them, try to jump over them, try to jump and grab the top, but I miss it over and over again and end up hitting the ground hard, lying on my back, all bruised up, weak and broken, dreams lying shattered at my feet and ideas as dead as flies that stink up the ointment in Ecclesiastes 10:1.
Look it up. Go ahead, I'll wait.
If you've read my previous posts, I think it's safe for you to assume that I'm good at falling into these 'pits of despair' and eventually figuring out how to get out of them. I can't write a sad song without ending it on a slightly hopeful note. I can't write a blog post without trying to be encouraging at some point. It's a cliche, I know, but there's already enough negativity in the world without me adding to it.
Man, that's a hard sentence to type and take in. It's that kind of thinking that can lead to suicide, or wanting to commit it. "Other people got it worse than I do." That doesn't solve the problem. You still feel like the scum of the earth, and remembering that other people have it way worse than you do doesn't help, in fact, it just makes you feel even lower because now you feel guilty about how bad you feel.
Take a deep breath. Now, just because you feel like the scum of the earth, like you're dung, or even lower than dung, that doesn't mean you don't have a purpose. Just because you don't know what your purpose is, that doesn't mean you don't have one. The scum of the earth has a very specific ecological niche, if you will, a very specific 'purpose' in the cycle of life. Scum cleans up and converts nasty junk into something that'll help our planet continue to survive. Dung, well, there's a reason farmers use manure to fertilize their fields. Dung helps things grow. Helps make the ground more fertile, so food can grow, so we can continue living, so the Earth can continue to thrive. Dung stinks, but it helps the most beautiful things to grow strong.
So if you feel like dung, maybe your purpose is to help other people to grow stronger, to grow into their own beautiful existences. If you feel like scum, maybe your job is to convert junk into something useful. You have a niche, even if you haven't figured out what it is. This wall that you've hit, this sheer cliff you're staring up at, will not confine you forever. It'll force you to get stronger so that one day, when you jump again, even if it's the umpteen-millionth time, your fingers will close around the side of that wall, the edge of that cliff, and you'll haul yourself up over the side of that obstacle that withstood you for so long, and you'll continue on to the next plain of the existence we call your life.
We're both staring those walls and cliffs down. And I've got faith that we'll slay them one day. And I mean slay them. You and I, we'll climb, we'll jump, we'll fall, we'll fail, we'll hurt, we'll cry, and we'll get back up and keep trying until we've finally made it. Don't give up. Don't quit. I believe in you. God believes in you. You're gonna make it through this, and overcome it so completely even you'll be surprised.
God bless ya. Have a good week. Love you guys. Fighting!
Oyasumi, min'na-san!
--Sonya :) <3
Friday, February 26, 2016
Update On Life, 'Cause Why Not?
My mother informed me yesterday that we were expecting a blizzard. Like, lotsa snow, that kind of thing.
It was snowing, and I was like, "YAAAYYY IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Well, that, and, "The Lord hears the cry of His people," teehee.
I like snow. I grew up in MN, we had tons of it, all the time, with sub-zero temperatures being normal for roughly September/October to March-early April in some cases. Once, it even snowed in May. That was kinda pretty actually, everything was white accented by green.
Rainy days, snowy days, overcast days, I don't know what it is about them but I love it. I think it has to do with the idea of the newness of life. We change the way we dress, our hair goes bonkers, and we just do different things during that kind of weather. I can sit next to a window or go outside and watch the rain fall, and it feels like everything I worry about, my life, my problems, all of it can just be washed away by the rain, and I can be completely calm. I feel like that even during thunderstorms, thunder's booming, lightning's streaking through the sky like an angry scar that illuminates everything for a split second, and the rain is hitting the ground like life depends on it.
And then there's snow. Usually, unless it's extremely windy or something, snow hits the ground, and everything is silent. The world's about to be covered in a white blanket of tiny ice crystals, and it's all completely silent. And you just kind of want to sit there in awe as the world silently turns blindingly white.
It's also kinda fun to stare at snow when it's dark out, and the light hits it just right. Take a walk some time when it's like that, you feel like you're walking on diamonds. It's, by far, one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
In other news, I got an A in my Social Psychology course. Another down, three more Gen Ed courses to go, and then I'm gonna be taking Liberty classes, and then I'll have my BS in Crisis Counseling!
I'll just be happy when I'm done with school, honestly.
Life can be ridiculous. It can get you down, and it's not even the devil attacking you sometimes, it's just life being life and you being you, and it knocks you over and you're lying on your back going, "What just happened?" It's cliche to say but, you don't have to let it keep you down. If you can't get up right now, don't try, just lie there and stare up at the sky. Take a breath and get lost in the sheer vastness of reality. And then, later, when you're charged up, get back up and get back in the fight. Life can knock you down, but it won't keep you down. Like TobyMac said, "It's never too late to get back up again, you may be knocked down but not out forever." :)
Love you guys. God bless.
--Sonya :) <3
It was snowing, and I was like, "YAAAYYY IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Well, that, and, "The Lord hears the cry of His people," teehee.
I like snow. I grew up in MN, we had tons of it, all the time, with sub-zero temperatures being normal for roughly September/October to March-early April in some cases. Once, it even snowed in May. That was kinda pretty actually, everything was white accented by green.
Rainy days, snowy days, overcast days, I don't know what it is about them but I love it. I think it has to do with the idea of the newness of life. We change the way we dress, our hair goes bonkers, and we just do different things during that kind of weather. I can sit next to a window or go outside and watch the rain fall, and it feels like everything I worry about, my life, my problems, all of it can just be washed away by the rain, and I can be completely calm. I feel like that even during thunderstorms, thunder's booming, lightning's streaking through the sky like an angry scar that illuminates everything for a split second, and the rain is hitting the ground like life depends on it.
And then there's snow. Usually, unless it's extremely windy or something, snow hits the ground, and everything is silent. The world's about to be covered in a white blanket of tiny ice crystals, and it's all completely silent. And you just kind of want to sit there in awe as the world silently turns blindingly white.
It's also kinda fun to stare at snow when it's dark out, and the light hits it just right. Take a walk some time when it's like that, you feel like you're walking on diamonds. It's, by far, one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
In other news, I got an A in my Social Psychology course. Another down, three more Gen Ed courses to go, and then I'm gonna be taking Liberty classes, and then I'll have my BS in Crisis Counseling!
I'll just be happy when I'm done with school, honestly.
Life can be ridiculous. It can get you down, and it's not even the devil attacking you sometimes, it's just life being life and you being you, and it knocks you over and you're lying on your back going, "What just happened?" It's cliche to say but, you don't have to let it keep you down. If you can't get up right now, don't try, just lie there and stare up at the sky. Take a breath and get lost in the sheer vastness of reality. And then, later, when you're charged up, get back up and get back in the fight. Life can knock you down, but it won't keep you down. Like TobyMac said, "It's never too late to get back up again, you may be knocked down but not out forever." :)
Love you guys. God bless.
--Sonya :) <3
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